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Old 08-21-2003, 08:43 PM   #1
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Sublime23 HB User
Thumbs down Reaching Climax


Hello everybody,

I have been reading and following up on these boards for the past week, and finally decided to post one of my own. I have read about similar symptoms, but never quite like mine, so I appreciate if you bear with me...
Heres the story: I am a 22 year old male who simply cant climax during sex. I've had serious sexual experiences with two different women, one of them being my current gf for the past year and this "problem" won't go away. I am a very active and athletic person, and seem to have a very high sexual drive. What happens is that I have no problem in getting and maitaning an erection, but I can't release. And because I am very athletic, I never go tired and can hold a hard erection forever. Usually my sexual relations last for an average of about an hour (because my gf goes tired and it just feels about the right time to stop), but sometimes when we feel more aroused we go for longer. Once I've even had sex for about 4 hours straight (of course logically not always at full throtle). So you can see how frustrating it can be for me, to see my gf getting multiple orgasms but not being able to share the moment with her.

Now, the facts are that I can ejaculate. But only through masturbation,but while doing so I have to contract my leg and buttock muscles almost forcing the orgasm to occur. Sometimes my legs go numb of so much contraction. After some time of sex, my gf has to masturbate me to orgasm (which also takes some time and patience from her). She gives me a combination of Oral sex with masturbation, but not even with a BJ I can reach a climax, only through masturbation and only by contracting the muscles. I guess this is the pinpoint of my problem, it's the way I masturbate. I remember of being in my early teens and feeling inferior to my friends because I coundn't ejaculate through masturbation, it was then I started this tecnique and began ejaculating. At first I would only ejaculate a clear liquid, only after some months I started ejaculating semen. So I guess through this technique of contrating the muscles I was forcing a natural process which probably hadn't reached its time yet... ANyway, this has been my masturbation technique forever and I only noticed this was my problem after being with my current girlfriend (With my earlier encounter I felt I was just suffering from sex anxiety). We've been together for a year, and having sex for 10 months and I have never reached a climax through intercourse itself! I've already tried an abstaning technique, where I would abstain from any contact and then masturbate normally after about two weeks, but it hasn't work. Everytime I masturbate normally I can go for about an hour until I grow tired, sore and decide to quit.

I don't believe I suffer from any anxiety problems, because I've become very intimate with my current girlfriend and while having sex I don't even think about it. My luck is that my girlfriend is very comprehensive towards my problem and because she also has a very high sexual drive, we both enjoy sex alot,the only thing is that I'm missing that extra inch of pleasure.
So, after presenting my severe delayed ejaculation problem, I would like to hear if anyone has a similar problem and if or how they solved it. Also, any comments are gladly welcome.

Thanks very much
Sublime23

 
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Old 08-21-2003, 09:16 PM   #2
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its on your mind so much ,thats all you think about so you are stuck,,,have you tried watching a porno at the same time,,,????do you drink ???are you on top? try being on the bottom,,,try role playing..dress up as different people,,,maybe try a long four play,,,???i'd go see a doc,,,good luck,,oh ohhh ooooooooo,,im done,,,,,,lol,,kiddin,,,

------------------
steve
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Old 08-21-2003, 10:21 PM   #3
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Darkfur HB User
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Unfortunately, I can only give advice when it comes to masturbating. I try to time my orgasm to happen while I am watching my favorite scenes on a video. Maybe this is desensitizing my mind to other sexual acts or positions, or perhaps to what I watch when I ejaculate. I don't know.

If you have a favorite sexual position, or if you particularly like playing with breasts, etc, perhaps you might want to save these for when you feel it is "time" to orgasm. You could pick up the pace a bit at those times and really let yourself go. Try not to think about ejaculating.

Sometimes my legs/buttocks tighten (almost involuntarily) during the final stage of masturbation. It's not often I get that into it, but when it happens, it feels great.

I'm sorry I have no real advice for you. Good luck!

 
Old 08-25-2003, 04:07 PM   #4
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You may have thought of this already, but have you tried stimulating your prostate while masturbating and/or making love? If you're shy about it, try it on your own first - use a sex toy or even just your fingers. If it works (and if your GF is understanding) maybe she could do it when you're together.

Of course, some men have a tremendous hang-up about playing with that part of their body -- "does it make me gay?" etc. etc.

But for most guys, prostate stimulation feels great, whatever their sexual orientation. I'm straight, and I love it (my girlfriend often includes it in our lovemaking).

If you're having trouble reaching orgasm, prostate stimulation may just push you over the edge.

Good luck!
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Old 08-26-2003, 08:24 AM   #5
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Hello everyone,

First of all I would like to thanks everyones opinion so far. Well, answering martind586 and darkfur, I don't smoke or take drugs. I just drink socially when going out at night (which is usually only on weekends). As for positions, because I'm really into sex, I usually buy Kamasutra manuals and sex guides, so positions are not my weakness lol. I usually vary from being on top to being below.My pref, is the reverse cowgirl. As for the problem being on my mind so much, like I said, I've grown so intimate with her that I really don't think about it during intercourse, only think about it when its over. As for the porn, role play, verbal play, done that all.

As for Chazzz, no I haven't tried the anal stimulation. I've thought about it, but for now I'm trying a different approach. After reading similar posts here, I decided to try and go for at least a mont of abstination! Wish me luck! lol

Again thanks for all the responses and sorry for the delay. I'm interested to see if too many men have a similar problem and feel free to share them. THanks

 
Old 08-27-2003, 02:55 PM   #6
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Modulus HB User
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Chazz Can you elaborate on the process of prostate stimulation? I'm afraid I don't know how to achieve this.

 
Old 08-27-2003, 04:44 PM   #7
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Well, your prostate can be stimulated by you (or your girlfriend) inserting an object a little ways into your rectum.

The gland itself feels like a lump about the size of a walnut. You can feel it on the front wall (ie, closer to your penis) about three inches up from your opening.

If you've never done this before, you might want to try it alone while standing in the shower: gently slip a lubricated thumb inside yourself while masturbating with the other hand. You should be able to feel your prostate with the pad of your thumb. Try "wiggling" your thumb, or moving it gently in and out - whatever feels good.

And that's all there is to it!

If you're adventurous you might want to experiment with other objects like sex toys. Just be sure to be gentle: that's sensitive tissue down there. And remember to keep things clean!

Prostate stimulation feels amazing (to me, anyway). My girlfriend sometimes does it while performing oral sex on me. The result is often a huge ejaculation - way bigger than normal. Fun!

As I said in a previous post, some men are squeamish about the idea of prostate stimulation. I guess they think it means you're gay, which is ridiculous of course.

Cheers!
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Old 08-27-2003, 06:49 PM   #8
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Well it's certainly not gay if you're doing it with your girlfriend! lol

 
Old 09-06-2003, 04:43 AM   #9
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Hi Sublime.....

I read your problem with not being able to ejaculate during sex and have some thoughts on the issue....

Part of the problem to me sounds mental. You WANT to ejaculate so bad and are so focused on doing it that you are actually blocking it from happening......but when you masturbate you are the one totally in control of the sensations and can eventually make it happen. So first off I suggesting thinking about other nice fantasy things while having intercourse and relaxing, if it does not happen, don't stress out, just try again in a few days (let body rest)...

The other idea I have is that since you are very muscular and into fitness, you may have inadvertantly developed certain muscles that can be used to supress ejactulation. I have learned those techniques to have multiple-orgasm and if you are closing those muscles, it can make it VERY HARD for you to achieve orgasm. If this is the case, I know the muscle that controls that is the one ya also use to start and stop peeing. If so, try to relax it as much as possible and ya may just "hit oil" Hope it helps, I will monitor this thread and post other thoughts as they occur to me, good luck!

Spinos

 
Old 09-06-2003, 11:41 AM   #10
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Sublime23 HB User
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Hello Spinos,

You are right and could have just pinpointed my problem. Everytime I have sex or masturbate (even when having a plain erection) I "close" the pc muscle alot because it makes youre penis real hard and it feels good. I always thought this was normal in all men, but after reading your post I realize that maybe its not. How many men rading this contract their PC muscle (the muscle that controls your peeing) when having sex or masturbating?

Thanks for the info Spino, I will give it a try the next time and will let everyone know how it worked. (although the next time could be some days away for I'm trying an abstaining technique)

 
Old 09-06-2003, 09:34 PM   #11
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This might be similar to my problem. I have a hard time ejaculating too. I do contract the PC muscle too I think. Maybe this is my problem. So you have to be fully relaxed to orgasm?

I also contract my leg and buttock muscles too, thereby forcing the orgasm, like you do Sublime. I can't do it any other way.

 
Old 09-06-2003, 09:35 PM   #12
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This might be similar to my problem. I have a hard time ejaculating too. I do contract the PC muscle too I think. Maybe this is my problem. So you have to be fully relaxed to orgasm?

I also contract my leg and buttock muscles too, thereby forcing the orgasm, like you do Sublime. I can't do it any other way.

 
Old 09-07-2003, 12:55 AM   #13
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Porto guy HB User
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When u say:"I contract my PC muscle during sex" u mean u contract and relax continuously, or u contrct and just keep it contracted? Becouse the first one, I beleave its normal(its a almost spontaneous contraction indeed that becomes virtually spontaneous in the orgasm). Now, if u just contract ur muscle once and keeps it contracted theres probably something wrong.

 
Old 09-07-2003, 07:28 AM   #14
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Hi all...

Sublime: Yes, contracting that PC muscle will keep ya going all night, but really blocks the sensations....with time I have learned how to balance closing the PC muscle then releasing it so I get the full enjoyment of the orgasm when ready....also, since you said ya were pretty muscular, you may have made your PC muscle so strong it is numbing you. Let me know how it goes relaxing a bit...

Misanthrope: It is ok to contract the PC muscle, but if you contract it and HOLD it contracted, it basically keeps ya hard and stops ya from ejaculating, this technique is to keep going to please your woman. The problem I think is when ya keep it held tight it is numbing ya if ya go too long....just focus on relaxing it as well and see if ya get the old rush back... hope so...

Spinos

 
Old 10-06-2003, 11:07 AM   #15
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lost815 HB User
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I can hardly believe it!
Sublime23 has the same problem as I. I am just starting to look for help. I never would have guessed that there are others out there like me. This is my first post on any message board and I would greatly appreciate any advice or comment. Although my situation is different than that of Sublime23, I seem to be suffering from the same disorder. I am a 33 year old male and I have been with the same woman for 12 years now, we have a four year old child. She was my first real girlfriend. I had been with other women before but had only been able to orgasm/ejaculate when lying on my back or in a reclined position so as to enable my leg muscles to strech and contract. My relationship is now at a breaking point because she says that I have never been able to give the kind of pleasure that she wants. It's no help that we have been having other problems lately and that another man has recently shown interest in her. She hasn't done anything yet, but she says that feels like she is going to explode. I am very worried. She has reluctantly agreed that we start seeing a sex therapist and I will be calling one today. When I first started mastubating in my teens, I could go on and on and would never be able to ejaculate. In my later teens I discovered that by doing what I described with my legs, I could achieve orgasm. I new something was still wrong, but it was such a relief to have found a way to pleasure myself. Problem is, it is very difficult to pleasure somebody else this way. Sometimes I try other ways/positions, but I feel my partner looses her patience sometimes (although she has always been understanding, it seems that she had buried the problem but never really accepted it) and the anxiety that I feel from this makes me loose my erection. I can't climax while thrusting with my pelvis because I need to contract my leg and buttock muscles to do this. Even if I can't save this relationship (I still hope I can) I still want to try and correct this problem. If I can't, I don't think I'll have the courage to try to engage in a long term relationship again, and face this kind of humiliation once more. I will keep you posted on further developpements. Before I sign of, I want to mention that I feel that there is a little hope. There have been few times in my life (half a dozen maybe), when was able to orgasm while masturbating in a different position (ie. standing, kneeling). The only clue that I have as to why this was able to happen is that somehow when it did, I had felt no doubt and knew it was going to happen, I felt relaxed. But then again I'm not sure.
Thank you.

Quote:
Originally posted by Sublime23:

Hello everybody,

I have been reading and following up on these boards for the past week, and finally decided to post one of my own. I have read about similar symptoms, but never quite like mine, so I appreciate if you bear with me...
Heres the story: I am a 22 year old male who simply cant climax during sex. I've had serious sexual experiences with two different women, one of them being my current gf for the past year and this "problem" won't go away. I am a very active and athletic person, and seem to have a very high sexual drive. What happens is that I have no problem in getting and maitaning an erection, but I can't release. And because I am very athletic, I never go tired and can hold a hard erection forever. Usually my sexual relations last for an average of about an hour (because my gf goes tired and it just feels about the right time to stop), but sometimes when we feel more aroused we go for longer. Once I've even had sex for about 4 hours straight (of course logically not always at full throtle). So you can see how frustrating it can be for me, to see my gf getting multiple orgasms but not being able to share the moment with her.

Now, the facts are that I can ejaculate. But only through masturbation,but while doing so I have to contract my leg and buttock muscles almost forcing the orgasm to occur. Sometimes my legs go numb of so much contraction. After some time of sex, my gf has to masturbate me to orgasm (which also takes some time and patience from her). She gives me a combination of Oral sex with masturbation, but not even with a BJ I can reach a climax, only through masturbation and only by contracting the muscles. I guess this is the pinpoint of my problem, it's the way I masturbate. I remember of being in my early teens and feeling inferior to my friends because I coundn't ejaculate through masturbation, it was then I started this tecnique and began ejaculating. At first I would only ejaculate a clear liquid, only after some months I started ejaculating semen. So I guess through this technique of contrating the muscles I was forcing a natural process which probably hadn't reached its time yet... ANyway, this has been my masturbation technique forever and I only noticed this was my problem after being with my current girlfriend (With my earlier encounter I felt I was just suffering from sex anxiety). We've been together for a year, and having sex for 10 months and I have never reached a climax through intercourse itself! I've already tried an abstaning technique, where I would abstain from any contact and then masturbate normally after about two weeks, but it hasn't work. Everytime I masturbate normally I can go for about an hour until I grow tired, sore and decide to quit.

I don't believe I suffer from any anxiety problems, because I've become very intimate with my current girlfriend and while having sex I don't even think about it. My luck is that my girlfriend is very comprehensive towards my problem and because she also has a very high sexual drive, we both enjoy sex alot,the only thing is that I'm missing that extra inch of pleasure.
So, after presenting my severe delayed ejaculation problem, I would like to hear if anyone has a similar problem and if or how they solved it. Also, any comments are gladly welcome.

Thanks very much
Sublime23

 
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