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Old 09-05-2012, 06:07 AM   #1
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Why does my bf of 8 months only ejaculate when he masturbates, never with me.

I have been with this guy for 8 months, I enjoy being sensual and having sex, I orgasm at least once every time we have sex, am attractive, in shape..etc.

When we first began dating, he said it took him awhile to be 'comfortable' having sex, but it would get better. It was a cycle of get semi hard or hard then soft, wait, then go again...etc. 4 months into it, we talked about it and he thought not being able to ejaculate may have to do with not wanting kids.. so he got a vasectomy.... 3 months later...no change.

He was married and said that he never ejaculated 'every' time during his marriage, and after having kids, marriage declined and he never orgasmed with his wife again, nor has he been able to orgasm/ejaculate with the 3 women he was in a relationship with after that, and one ended because of that issue.

He says he orgasms when he masturbates, looking at porn or not... so i it is frustrating for me, to be satisfied by him, but he needs to go be alone to be 'completely' satisfied. He said he enjoys sex, etc and he doesnt 'need' that with me to enjoy it, but I feel inadequate and he said he would feel the same if I didn't orgasm. I've tried everything... positions, toys, etc etc.. He can't seem to give up masturbating long enough to see if that might be the issue..

I like that he can last awhile, but I also like having closure..and sleep lol. It goes on and on and on all night with no resolution so I have recently become very frustrated. Last night after several 'tries' he said he orgasmed, as much as he does when he ever does alone.. I didn't feel or see any semen, and he got completely aroused again within 15 minutes. In my past relationships, there was always a definite orgasm, semen, (wet spot), and he was relaxed and tired after. None of that happened during what he claimed to be an orgasm.. Is that possible? Is it normal for him to only climax with masturbation and not in a relationship and to keep having one erection after another? some short lived and semi hard, some are very hard and last a long time..

I care about this guy, but I am feeling inadequate and wondering if this is something that is just not important to him, and may never be.

Thanks in advance for any advice or input.

 
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Old 09-06-2012, 03:32 AM   #2
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Re: Why does my bf of 8 months only ejaculate when he masturbates, never with me.

In my opinion and I might be wrong in your case but.....
I was a bit like your boyfriend 2 years ago,,,,
He needs to take it easy on the porn and on masturbating,,, much easier than he is now...
I'd be willing to bet he may be little addicted to porn and masturbation,,,
You can make it fun and ask him regularly when was the last time he played with himself,,, hopefully this might make him more self concious and open up to you..
start by getting him to not masturbate a few days before you see each other,,,
I'd also recommend you check out the movie "shame" and watch it together.. Not an easy watch though...

Last edited by Mod-S4; 09-06-2012 at 09:59 AM. Reason: Terminology.

 
Old 09-13-2012, 11:04 AM   #3
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Re: Why does my bf of 8 months only ejaculate when he masturbates, never with me.

Being a man and masturbating quite a bit throughout my lifeI know what a distraction it can be. Im 47 by the way. when i was younger i could masturbate 2-3 times a day and usually still entertain my girlfriend that night. Over the years however the frequency that i can get away with has become less and less. Once in the morning if I can expect to perform that night.Those are physical limitations. Mental issues are a whole different thing and causes much more problems. What ive noticed is even though sex is much more enjoyable with a women,men become dependent on the amount of stimulation that we can apply manually. once again sex feels better! but our minds get used to the concentrated focussed stimulation that we to frequently apply to our selves. This has been a problem for me through out my life. I hope that this helps you understand what might be happening. I dont neccisarily know how to fix this. I think that I have some type of addiction .

 
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Old 09-15-2012, 10:00 AM   #4
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Re: Why does my bf of 8 months only ejaculate when he masturbates, never with me.

Interesting observation thetunaman .

Last edited by Mod-S4; 09-15-2012 at 02:57 PM. Reason: Off topic. Please let the original poster have her question answered here. Thanks.

 
Old 09-22-2012, 12:11 PM   #5
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Re: Why does my bf of 8 months only ejaculate when he masturbates, never with me.

hi there am the same as ur man i dont orgasm when having sex or it takes ages but i found what works if i dont masturbate for a week i will orgasm hope that helps

 
Old 09-28-2012, 04:02 AM   #6
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Re: Why does my bf of 8 months only ejaculate when he masturbates, never with me.

I only Masterbaite because i have no girlfriend and i watch porn if i had wonderful girlfriend that you sound that you are i wouldn't need to watch Porn i'd be happy just been with you. So you need to talk to him why he needs to watch it maybe watch it with him then when he starts moving his hands down say that you want 2 do it see what happens then.

 
Old 11-07-2012, 04:04 PM   #7
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Re: Why does my bf of 8 months only ejaculate when he masturbates, never with me.

This is actually a sadly common occurrence that men become the only people who can give themselves orgasms consistently (or at all). You will undoubtedly notice (if you look) that he uses quite a lot of pressure with his hand to masturbate. He also probably requires a very precisely timed rhythm. It becomes impossible for him to achieve these conditions in sex with anyone--only in masturbation. He is aroused by you and attracted to sex, but masturbating is more sexually rewarding. It's probably not his fault that he has a desensitized penis.

It's a situation created by a high sex drive and desensitization from circumcision. I would guess he has a (more desensitizing) tight circumcision. Masturbation exacerbates desensitization especially the high pressure masturbation many circumcised men employ (of necessity). Circumcision is a highly desensitizing procedure (especially for being performed on infants so they've got 12-16 years of desensitizing before they even start masturbating). Speaking of which, it would definitely help for him to lay off the masturbating. Like ggs1 said works for him, if he could go a week without masturbating somehow, he could almost certainly have a real orgasm with you. Good luck trying to get him to do that. He would have to trade a dozen or more solitary orgasms for one with you. It's not really fair (to either of you) that he has to choose between the two. (This is the damage of circumcision.)

There are however some things he might consider to increase his sensitivity (as I've mentioned elsewhere). Usually the first option doctors present is pharmaceutical arousal aides, but he may want to consider that there may be long-term side effects--especially accelerating the desensitization that comes with aging (if only for the increased friction from actually using the penis more).

Without any potentially harmful effect, he could also try keeping his glans protected from rubbing against fabric in his clothes. This can increase sensitivity quite a bit (reversibly). There is a product called the "ManHood foreskin substitute". It's a little soft fabric pouch to wear over the end of his penis to shield it from rough fabric. Wearing it for a month is said to make a noticeable difference.

Another option he could try is controversial within the American medical community, but it is the most effective thing he can do to increase the sensitivity of his penis: nonsurgical foreskin restoration. (Technically one can't actually restore foreskin but it's possible to regrow something very similar. The foreskin is essentially just a continuation of the skin of the penis. Unless there's excessive dorsal and ventral nerve damage below the circumcision scar, he should be able to regrow new nerve endings in the new skin. He can't regrow the specialized fine touch receptors or all the original connective tissue structure exactly, but nothing else can give him new nerve endings on the most sensitive part of the penis.)

It's obviously a big commitment. It has to be done very gently and very slowly or the skin can tear and scar. It can take a LONG time if there's very little skin to begin with (1-3 years); and it alters what his manhood looks like (when flaccid--with an erection foreskin retracts only making the penis wider behind the glans, so it only appears as increased girth). But foreskin restoration is the only way to grow new nerve endings on the penis. You and he can read more about it elsewhere on the internet.

There are contraindications like UTI or STD infection, latent infections like HSV,HPV,MC,et al. or the presence of a scarring disorder, so it's worth consulting a dermatologist or urologist before beginning. Unfortunately, the majority of American doctors don't know anything about foreskin restoration, so you'll have to find the rare one who does to talk to about it. (And unfortunately just because a nurse or receptionist says that a doctor can advise him about foreskin restoration does not mean that is actually true, so it seems like he needs to insist first to ask the doctor personally whether s/he will be capable of advising about it before he seeks--and pay for--a consultation about it.)

One major advantage of foreskin restoration (and foreskin generally) is that because it increases sensitivity, it drastically reduces the pressure that he needs to feel adequately sexually stimulated to enjoy sex fully. It will let him feel sex with more nerve endings. Appreciating a lighter touch is useful because high friction sex and especially masturbation can definitely accelerate penis desensitization.

I hope this helps!

 
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Old 11-07-2012, 04:52 PM   #8
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Re: Why does my bf of 8 months only ejaculate when he masturbates, never with me.

Thank you everyone for the insights, they were all helpful.

 
Old 11-07-2012, 08:09 PM   #9
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Re: Why does my bf of 8 months only ejaculate when he masturbates, never with me.

I had a boyfriend like that years ago. I always felt so empty when our sexual encounters ended like that. He wouldn't talk about it. The relationship feel apart for many reasons and I'm glad.

 
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