Hi, First i would like to thank you for reading and any help could go a very long way.
I'm a 26 yr old male and i would have what i would consider a serious confidence issue with sex.
To paraphrase a brief history, I lost my virginity when i was 18 but never ejaculated. Since then my only sexual contact has been kissing. I have never had any girl friends but have had it insinuated to me that had i tried harder i would have been successful with girls that i have known in the past, who as it turns out found me slightly attractive.
Now I'm at a stage where im a fully grown man, i know i can handle myself because im well built and to put it somewhat bluntly i sort of look like the alpha type except without all the grotesque muscles. I am of a normal-to-portly build but not ridiculously overweight for my height but i am around 260 pounds, which to some people is over weight and yes it will pose health problems down the way but im currently dealing with it.
Tonight is the last straw, i had a very obvious chance with a girl who was interested in some fun but as usual my confidence plummeted and i felt like a real idiot afterwards. I know that if i hold off on making this email tomorrow or the next day it wont be fresh in my mind and my emotional status wont be genuine, i might even lie to make myself feel better. So right now im trying to be as open and honest as possible.
Due to the lack of sexual contact i obviously masterbait, however it isnt as frequent as it was as a teenager. maybe once every three days when i feel the urge. I am confident this is fairly normal as from other people's accounts it can be a lot more frequent.
I smoke cigarettes and i drink alcohol but i dont do any drugs or take any medicine of any kind.
In a few months I will truly feel old (27) and will cross the threshold of why i consider to be my limit. I am not willing to degrade myself with prostitutes or beg for pitysex. Like everything in my life i want to overcome this under my own steam in the proper way, and for me just ignoreing my confidence and "bulling" my way through in an aggressive way doesnt seem like the healthy or logical answer. If i was caught in barbed wire i wouldnt stuggle with brute forse to get out, the same principal applies here.
To wrap this up ill mention a couple of things that come to mind. I am apprehancive of buying condoms as i dont feel like i will end up using them. I am not attracted to everyone, just select girls whose company i enjoy. I am defenitly not gay, i am attracted to girls and not men. I have no fetishes or kinky ideas, i only want what most people want, love, sex and some attention.
I also want to be comfortable, honest, and stop bottling this issue up. But for me to take the neccesary steps I need to be anonymous and speak my mind to a group as there are no groups that i can talk to where i come from.
Lastly, I asked a doctor to set me up with councilling last year but made excuses not to go, and a close friend of mine who has a masters in psychology spoke to me lately and she suggested to seek professional assistance.
what i want to do as I said before Is overcome this hoirrible self destructive path with what normal people do, so im looking for alternative suggestions. Not homeopathy or anything like that. But things that a guy with no money like me can attain on my own. If you say things like Yoga, i will take that on board and investigate it.
But one thing is for sure, I cannot continue like this. people are not supposed to live like this, and my isolation is a catch 22 in the way that, the more i spend on my own, the less experience I get and the less experience I have the more I want to hide from the world and be alone.
That is all I have to say, thank you very much and I promise I will be back to check these posts and see what interesting Ideas people have to say.
Last edited by Administrator; 09-20-2012 at 08:32 PM.
I am a 24 year old girl. You sound like you have no reason to really be embarrassed or to pull away and isolate yourself. I think that you just need to do what you feel like without overthinking things. I think that classes could be fun - perhaps salsa or ballroom dancing - some places you don't have to bring a partner. If you have any interests like movies, photography, a specific type of music etc. try to see if there are any clubs, etc. in your area. Maybe you could try joining a book club? Maybe everyone would be double your age but they may have daughters, etc. your age!
You still are very young! I wouldn't worry so much. Just get yourself out there and make connections with people, male or female and your world will expand and hopefully you will feel less isolated. Try being more friendly with people you meet every day - smile at the checkout person, etc. and it will make you feel happier and people generally respond well to friendly people, so it will give you a confidence boost and won't require that much more energy You sound like a nice person, so try not to stress and know that everyone makes "mistakes" and yours are not self destructive in a bad way unless you have no insight - and it seems like you do have insight! A lot of people at your age suddenly feel as if their world has shrunk as they no longer have connections to a bunch of people their own age at school, etc. I hope you find success. Speaking to a professional may be warranted to find out if there is any type of social anxiety, etc that is interfering with your ability to feel like you can cope with certain social situations.