I'm in a situation. I love my wife and we have been married for almost 4.5 years now. We actually got married in very young age, but decided of doing our further education and stuff which we did and now both are well to do in our own carreer. I'm 33 my wife is 29 and we were in relationship before we got married so we know each other very well. My wife is beautiful and sexy and we never had any issues in our sex life before. For last few months, her mom came and stayed with us from other state and that is where things started. Those few months we rarely had sex, may be once or twice a month - since our apartment is too small for two bedroom.
And during these days I met a girl in my office, she wasn't sexy but she knows how to get things done. I use to avoid her, but how long? One fine day she gave me BJ in my car and the things started ... I still avoid her as much as I can.
On the other hand, my MIL (mother in law) before leaving back to GA pressurized both of us on having kids. I wasn't really thinking of it but after listning to her - I was little scared as if we are really running out of time or what?
Now a days, when I am trying to ahve sex with my wife I have issues on errection and if I get aroused and get errection it does not stays for long. This happens only when I have sex with my wife. I think I get all thoughts of having kids and donno what. But when I think about my cologue in office, I am all up and ready and hard. I use to watch lotta porn these few months on my phone.
I have stopped watching porn, stoing seeing that BJ girl what else should I do. I know this is all mental and nothing to do with having problem. My wife is little suspecious on my behavior, she did ask me if I see anybody out which I denied. I want to get back in the game of my love and am freaking ready to stop everything else and I really don;t care.
So is it a pressure of having kids or what is that is making be look bad? What should I be doing to come out of this?
I think that all of us struggle with these issues. IMO, your MIL is right. If you do love your wife and you have no intention of leaving, then, you should at least start planning on a family.
Believe me, as a guy who had kids after 40, you need to share your youth with your kids. And, you won't feel like you need a wheel chair to go their high school graduation!!
Hey, no one is ever prepared when they have kids. It's truly life changing. But, it's not something that you should rush into either. You do have to plan and talk about it, but you're never prepared.
As far as the ED thing goes, you probably go some mental/emotional things going on that make you a little unsure. Happens to all of us.
Again, IMO, office flings and romances revolve around not only looks and attraction but also something outside of that. In the office people are working on a common goal of running the business. Generally people are attracted to qualities that stand out in the acheiving of those office goals. But, take them out of the office and you may not have anything at all in common.
Same with at home. Most people get caught up in the round of going to work, coming home, doing the dishes and going to bed. With some, there is no common goal or activity outside of making sure the house is cleaned up.
My advice (that is if you aren't already doing something like this) is to start building something that you both can buy into. Do volunteer work, train for a marathon, get involved in something outside of your relationship with yourselves that gives you something to talk about and plan for. Seeing your spouse take charge of some project that you're both working on just may get you to <em>stand up</em> and take notice.
But, also, about your MIL...dude, they want grand kids before they get too old too!
I really didn't know how important grand kids are to the grand parents until I had mine. Whew! Talk about being possessive!
My in laws basically wanted to adopt my kids!
One of the things that can really take the pressure off of being a parent is having grand parents that have no problem stepping in. (one thing to keep in mind tho' is that you will see a lot more of them also).
Last edited by samaritan; 10-07-2012 at 12:51 PM.
Reason: double entry