mc7

I'll start with my really short answer just about the sexual things. I think you should probably make whispering or some other kind of verbal feedback part of your bedroom routine especially so that you are more aware of how she feels and also lubricant should help a lot, but the biggest thing is to make your wife feel comfortable. She obviously has not been feeling comfortable in the bedroom.

It sounds like besides the sexual problem, your bigger problem must be communication. And I say that because you haven't said anything about what she's said (about anything). Couples need to work together to solve their problems. This is usually no more difficult than expressing ourselves better and encouraging our partner to do so as well. You must both be keeping things to yourselves instead of telling the other.

More specifically about the sexual problem, it sounds like you might not be appreciating how very delicate to roughness a woman can feel. The slight friction that may barely feel noticeable to you can feel very painful to more sensitive genitals. The extremely sensitive skin of the vagina can catch with even slight friction--especially at intromission. Friction can feel very irritating with immediate stinging and sometimes a bit more lasting duller burning. ("Intromission" is a less racy word for penetration.) You need to avoid this especially at the beginning or it can make sex painful for all the rest of it.

The biggest thing is probably that you need to be making her feel more comfortable. She is not doing more in the bedroom because she is not comfortable--let alone enjoying herself. If you're not putting any effort into getting her excited about things prior to the actual coital part of the act, that could explain this.