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Old 03-07-2013, 12:01 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 437
nightowl2 HB User
Question Frustated... Hubby is taking meds that take away his sexual feelings...!!

I used to know how to help the ex boyfriends I had in my past.. with sexual issues..but, this is a whole new ballgame! Hubby is 12 years older than I am..and he takes a TON of medications for various illnesses! IN the long run..he basically has no sex drive.. I still love him and he still loves me..and we have been married since July of 2006...but, I feel soo frustrated.. I am dreaming about sexual encounters with other men a lot.. and as much as those dreams are nice.. I would rather be WITH my hubby!!
It's disconcerting.. is all I can say!!

I have also been writing about my ex boyfriends on a social networking site..and I think that people are thinking that I am having or thinking of having an affair.. which is just NOT true at all! I am not and I haven't! I also wouldn't! But, it bothers me.. alot!
My hubby has to deal with chronic degenerative arthritis in his back..and this includes pain in the spine all of the time!! He did not have these issues until he was I think in his early 40's!
He was adopted..I kind of wonder if the bio parents had this disease ... he does NOT and has never known his "bio" parents.. to him his adoptive parents WERE his parents..I agree with that!!
But, it does make me wonder at times.. ya know??

Anyways... I am frustrated..and I am trying to think of what I can do... other than the fact that he has been told that he would have to take days out on a continual basis to get tested for his sexual issues...(at a lab)..and he does NOT have time to do any of this! He works!! It's just frustrating! I have not had intercourse with him for four or more years! I do NOT blame him... I sort of know what it feels like to be "with no feelings" ..I have been there too! But, this is the longest I have done "without" and it's hard!!

Just wanted to share... if anybody has any great ideas.. let me know... I am here! Thank you!!


Nightowl2

 
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Old 03-17-2013, 05:13 PM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: MI, United States
Posts: 36
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Re: Frustated... Hubby is taking meds that take away his sexual feelings...!!

Hey nightowl2,

I'm sure that situation is very frustrating to you but I admire your devotion and willingness to stick it out with him, even if he's not sticking it... well, nvm.

Ok so I hope you didn't think that was in poor taste, and I'd like to help you out, as someone who's gone through this kind of nasty stuff before. First, your husband is at that point in his life where he needs to be looking at lab tests for hormone levels. I know he's busy, and I know you don't think he can fit it in, but he has to. There is so much to the chemistry of sexuality, but it is goverened by our hormones and neurotransmitters. Yes, there is the mental aspect, and I'll get to that. To start with, here are some important things to look at for any man:

Total Testosterone
Free Testosterone / Bio-available Testosterone
Estradiol (not just for females - we have it too! and too much is bad, as is too little)
Free T3
Free T4
TSH
SHBG
Cortisol (salivary is preferable for capturing the natural rhythm of cortisol secretion)
DHEA

The fact is, medications can alter these hormones, as can the aging process. When our hormones go out of balance, we may lose our ability to desire sex but we also begin to lose more as well. Neurotransmitter levels that are involved in sexuality, such as dopamine and norepinephrine, are also dependent upon hormone levels and may themselves be altered by the medications your husband is taking.

Basically, your husband needs to know if he has deficiencies. You never know: a simple test could reveal low testosterone, low thyroid status, or something else that you two may never have looked at.

Also, there is the mental aspect as well. Does he talk about his feelings? Do you know for sure that he feels adequate for you? Is there a lot of stress, or perhaps lingering depression? There could be mental elements holding him back too.

But you must, must get the physical side checked too! I say get the lab work done!

Hope I helped and hang in there

 
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