Ok, so my g/f's brother gets suspended from school today from having weed. And before he came home, I guess his dad checks his room for stuff, and he finds a condom.
So after everyones home, my g/f, my g/fs brother, I come over, and just chill with my g/f, and when my g/fs brothers mom comes in, my, my g/f have to go walk outside with the dog while they have a chat.
So now I am walking, and they call me and stacey on the cell phone and tell us to come home and explain about why he has weed. So we come home, and we all sit at the kitchen table.
Now theres a lot of quarters, and a condom. They ask why theres a lot of quarters missing, because they were like all the quarters from each state, and they were in my g/fs brothers room.
Now after that, we talk about the condom. My g/f's dad says why was there a condom in your brothers room, he says it was ours so he wouldn't get busted. Which it wasn't ours.
So now they say have you two been having sex? And before we said no they were like cause if you say no, we are going to the doctors to see if my "g/f" is still a virgin. So we say yes, but that's not our condom.
Now, I have to go with her dad to my house. When we got there, I got my mom, and started to bust out tears, I get sent to my room by my mom while they talk. After he leaves, my mom comes in my room and says, I knew it was going to happen sometime Adam, (She wasn't mad at all cause she's cool), but my g/fs dad was mad.
My mom tried to calm him down and stuff and said stuff like they have been together for over a year, and there at the age for doing that.
But anyways, that's the story. Now I can't go in my g/f's house again, and I don't know what is going to happen from here. Now my dad, mom, moms bf, my g/f's dad, and step mom know, and soon to be the whole family im guessing. Yeah, that's it, for now.
I am very sad right now, and I have no idea what to do. Any help?
Ask you parents so when was your first time? I bet they were having sex around your age. If they say "these are different times" say they are just being hypacritical, its stupid for them to bash you for something they themselves did when they were young. Hell they should be happy they found a condom so many teens today don't use them, at least your being safe about it. Hold in there it will all blow over, if all the parties involved just realize you are two people who just wanted to express their love in a deeper way, and be happy you were being safe about it, they were young once hopefully they remember that....good luck.
The truth always gets out in the end. If you don't want things to suffer between you and your g/f, I suggest having a few words with her brother. It is better that he fesses up now, rather than being found out and being called a liar.
I suggest you take courage and go to your g/f's dad and say you are real sorry. Tell him you don't know what to do and you are sad about it. Also that you would like to continue your relationship with your g/f. Then see how he reacts. Parents do get mad but mostly they are worried and that's why they express it as mad. Her dad will at least respect your attempt to face him and talk about it. It has happened now. Can you promise it will not happen again and make some plans for your future so you have some direction to look forward to? Make sure you are honest in what you say to him and your parents. Parents can mostly deal with honesty quite well. (They do understand actually even though it does not feel like it to the kids).
Hope that helps a bit.
Don't worry about all the people that will "know". You just need to deal with parents and don't owe all else an explanation. Mostly people find it "interesting" for about a day and then move on to other things in life. Cheer up.
I would suggest that you wait a while before talking to the dad, if that's what you plan to do. You should definately wait until he's at least had time to calm down.
I'd also like to say that just because I had sex as a teenager does not mean I don't want my daughter to wait longer. Yes, I'd be upset, even angry if the issue came up this way. And that is NOT being hypocritical, that is being protective. Hypocritical would be if she & I were the same age (impossible I know, but go with me on this) & I were doing something & wouldn't let her do it, without having knowledge of (or caring about) the future consequences.
I also know that if this were the issue in our house & the boy came over to "talk" with my hubby, hopefully it would only be the door slammed in his face, not something worse.
I'm honestly not trying to be preachy or judgmental here, just giving the parent's perspective, which is important to understand if you want to continue any relationship with this girl. You'll have to see their point of view, that's their baby girl, no matter how old she is.
And I do remember the passion I had as a teenager & all the parental issues back then. But I also know what my dad would have done in this situation & it's the same thing my hubby would do now. It's a parent thing.
For your own sake, PLEASE think about his perspective for a while before you go talk to her dad. It's sure to turn out badly if you just go over there not having thought about that, just wanting to push your own veiw of it at him.....he won't care & won't want to hear it.
First of all, it's totally illegal for anyone to take your girlfriend to the doctor to find out whether or not she's a virgin, they can't do that. Plus, a doctor can't look at a woman's vagina and tell whether or not she's a virgin. If her hymen is broken that doesn't always mean she's been sexually active, so there's no *real* way to tell, so that was just a threat for no reason.
Give her dad some time to cool down. From your writing, I am not sure if you were having sex or not. If so, and if you are not using condoms, that could be one reason he is especially angry. Anyway, for now honor his demand that you stay away. By doing as he asks, you will demonstrate maturity and respect, and this will go a long way to making him eventually come to accept you and to accept you and his little girl having sex. If you sneak around, it will only make things worse. She also needs to show responsibility by honoring her parents wishes, and to show that she is mature enough to ensure that she is taking the proper precautions to avoid pregnancy and STDs.
Ask you parents so when was your first time? I bet they were having sex around your age.
I'd be careful with that. I would only risk throwing something like that back at your parents if you're pretty sure you know the answer because chances are just as good that they weren't and then you'll only look mouthy.
And if they were, and seriously regret it, they aren't going to appreciate your argument that just because they did something they now believe is stupid means they have to let you follow in their footsteps. Most parents don't see themselves as obliged to let you do everything they did.
Other than that, I'd say the advice has been pretty good. You sound like a good person, let them cool down and maybe they'll be able to see that. Of course, you never said how old you or your gf are, so that might play a big part in how long it takes her dad to get over it (of course, he might not, if she isn't legal yet).
My parents tried that as well with me the whole he is not allowed around here. back off and give them some space. They may feel violated in a way if you were having sex in their house. I know that was a big issue for my parents but we never had sex at my house and knowing that seemed to make them feel slightly better. Also instead of you talking to her dad let her do it first. Obviously she needs to gain some trust back with him and needs to talk to him about the situation. My parents hated my ex after they found out and it was a weird situation for me for a long time and caused a lot of stress on me so be there for her but dont push her to feel or say or do anything she doesnt want to. Also dont get upset if she starts refusing to have sex. most likely her parents threw her into a guilt trip and she will be weary of it for a while. After she has spoken to her dad and has gained some trust back I think it would be wise to call and ask him if the two of you can speak to each other. Then explain to him how you feel about the issue and about his daughter. if you are young alot of parents fear that a mistake will happen and then the girl will be left to fend for her self. Assure him you will use ever precaution available short of casteration or defertilization to protect his daughter and yourself. Let him know that while you are ready to take this step in life you still know the consequences of it and are not ready to lose yor childhood. he will be angry and may say hurtful things about you or his daughter DO NOT take them to heart!! He is a frustrated father whose baby girl isnt so mucha baby anymore. They are not being hypocritical only concerned and protective. Compromise and ask if you may come over only when they are home in order for them to see the kind of guy you are. gain their trust back. That should be your biggest concern. not who knows about it or not. You should never be afraid of who knows because if you are then you arent mature enough to being doing it. it doesnt matter about those other ppl what matters is that you are happy and love her.
hope this helps a little bit.
He is my greatest adventure!
Last edited by emtdollluvsjohn; 11-15-2003 at 11:16 AM.