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Old 12-10-2003, 07:27 PM   #1
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monkeyhugger HB User
Unhappy no orgasms, great sex

I'm a 19 year old female who only started masturbating within the last year maybe. I grew up in a family that was open about sex, like my mom always told me I could have it and she'd never care, but she wanted me to at least be responsible. But years before she told me that she had argued with my father, (now divorced) years before because he said all men masturbate, and she was disgusted and enraged. I know my mother has no problems with sex, but this led me to believe she feels differently about masturbation. It can't even be the fact that she's catholic, because she wants me to at least use birth control. In our family we also had a rule that we couldn't date until we were 16, not because she believed in social intervention but she wanted us to pay attention to our classes, and so my first social interactions occurred much later than usual. I had been 18 for six months before I ever even kissed a guy, on the lips or otherwise. I am pretty and not unattractive, and I love kissing and I'm always told I'm good at it.

I read somewhere on women's health news that masturbating is recommended because once a woman knows what pleases her, she can achieve it when she has sex. But I've masturbated enough and know what feels good, and I still can't orgasm. I feel I'm about to and I get nauseated and I just stop. I say this because at first I felt I must just need to have sex to orgasm, because I have intimacy issues, and I always said I was going to trust whoever I had sex with. I'm very comfortable about "just" making out but I don't feel the same about sex.

The first guy I had sex with I know adored me, and still wants to be with me, but at the same time, he adored me almost like he thought I was the best he could do. He was in love with love, you know, and I only realized that later; he told me I was beautiful and that he loved me, and we had sex. He was a virgin, too, and I told myself maybe that was why I couldn't orgasm. But I've been dating this guy that I've known for just over seven months who is great and I really just adore and I'm comfortable with him, and we had sex recently, and it was great! I mean, he kept going, he wanted to please me; he went for two hours, and I still didn't orgasm. We tried different positions. I was on top and it felt good, but once I got anywhere near close, I just wanted to stop and start kissing him. He's five years older than I am and great and practiced at sex, so I can't say it's the sex.

Sorry to make this so long but what I said seemed necessary. So my question is this: are there any other women who feel this way, or have felt this way? I really want it to be special with him, but I don't know what my problem is.

 
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Old 12-10-2003, 07:58 PM   #2
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2sexy4u2 HB User
Re: no orgasms, great sex

Two hours of sex what? Not all women can come through penetration alone. Did he go down on you? Perhaps with additional manual stimulation? Might be worth trying! Are you comfortable with pleasing yourself (i.e., reaching climax) in his presense? If not, you know where to start.

 
Old 12-10-2003, 08:03 PM   #3
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Re: no orgasms, great sex

are you able to realx? or are you tense. are you really physically and emotionally in the moment? it is harder to achieve orgasm during sex, than with oral sex, or masterbation. [deleted] good luck! you'll definately know when you have one.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 12-11-2003 at 08:14 PM. Reason: No how-tos allowed on this forum. Thanks.

 
Old 12-10-2003, 08:10 PM   #4
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Re: no orgasms, great sex

Thanks for the responses, but I don't know. He tried stimulating it, and I did, but the same thing happened that happens when I masturbate. I feel weird and stop. Sounds like a therapy issue, lol.

 
Old 12-10-2003, 09:09 PM   #5
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AllyAlly HB User
Re: no orgasms, great sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeyhugger
Thanks for the responses, but I don't know. He tried stimulating it, and I did, but the same thing happened that happens when I masturbate. I feel weird and stop. Sounds like a therapy issue, lol.
You're not having orgasms because you're 19 years old. A woman's sexuality can be very complex and elusive, and a teenage girl simply does not have the life experience, relationship experience and open sexual communication that allows for a physical orgasm that is driven by the mind.

I wouldn't worry about it now. When you become deeply involved in an adult relationship or married and you still have never had an orgasm, then it might be time to get some help with whatever the issues might be. In the meantime, if you're deadset on having one, if you have $150 you can buy an Eroscillator vibrator ** If you apply it directly to your clitoris and move it around in ways that feel good, you should climax. But again, until your mind and body are mentally prepared and able to release, you will not. Best of luck to you.

Last edited by bfl; 12-11-2003 at 12:06 PM. Reason: ** the posting of commercial websites is against posting guidelines.

 
Old 12-10-2003, 09:10 PM   #6
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Re: no orgasms, great sex

an orgasm is also very mental. it can all be in your head. i guess the only other thing i can say is to relax, and enjoy the moment! oh, if you concentrate too much in trying to have one---you never will.

 
Old 12-10-2003, 11:05 PM   #7
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beckers HB User
Re: no orgasms, great sex

teenage girls are capable of having orgasms, especially by 19. I started masturbating at age 12 and had orgasms. My 14 year old cousin has told me that she has had orgasms as well.

I am 23 now. I have no problem reaching climax while masturbating, but have never had an orgasm during sex. But I was not relaxed and really didnt even want to be having sex any of the times, I was just trying to please my boyfriend so he would stop whining! Which was a mistake, of course.

I agree that you should make sure you're relaxed, I know I wasnt and that was probably part of my problem. And try not to be thinking about it or worrying about it while you're trying to achieve it.

 
Old 12-11-2003, 06:13 AM   #8
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Want 2 B Well HB User
Re: no orgasms, great sex

Sounds like you are holding back for the right moment.
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Old 12-11-2003, 10:40 AM   #9
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Re: no orgasms, great sex

I wonder how much what you overheard your mother say is affecting you. I only say that because you felt it necessary to put it in your first post.

I think if she is as open about sex as you say, masturbation itself probably wasn't the problem, it was probably the fact that she wasn't being included or felt neglected, or what have you.....the reasons could go on & on.

Realize that masturbation is not dirty & try to relax about it. Also realize that her comments were not directed at you & there was most likely a lot more going on that you're not aware of when the comment was made. If she hasn't said it to you, it wasn't a comment meant for you or meant to affect you.

It really is amazing how things like that can affect us.

As far as orgasming at a certain age, I was able to by myself at your age, but didn't have one with intercourse until I was around 25 or so, & even then, there was a LOT of manual stimulation before penetration & some during.

Don't worry too much, you'll get it figured out. Just find out what works for you & then keep doing it
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