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Old 12-25-2003, 08:56 PM   #1
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greeneyextc HB User
Is this wrong?

I want to quit having sex with my boyfreind. See, I want to turn over a new leaf this year and be the best I can. I am 18 and have been with my man for over 2 years. It isnt that I dont enjoy sex but it isnt so great that it would be hard to give up. I want to become more spiritual and find my religion again. In my beliefs having pre-marital sex is a big no-no. Even though I have already commited the sin, one can still right there wrongs and start over if they really mean it. The thing is that I want to talk to my boyfreind. We are best freinds and communicate really well but I know he will be so upset. He will think it is him, or be ill because he isnt getting any anymore. Is it wrong to stop after we have already been doing it so long?

 
Old 12-26-2003, 12:18 AM   #2
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t-dash HB User
Re: Is this wrong?

Just tell him what you wrote here, that was very well put. If he loves you and can could see himself marrying you someday he should understand, just explain how much it means to you... Would you still be able to have oral sex and fool around? If he's in it just for the ride don't expect him to respond to well (in which case better to find out sooner than later right...) but if he's ment to be with you, it'll work out.

t-dash

Quote:
Originally Posted by greeneyextc
I want to quit having sex with my boyfreind. See, I want to turn over a new leaf this year and be the best I can. I am 18 and have been with my man for over 2 years. It isnt that I dont enjoy sex but it isnt so great that it would be hard to give up. I want to become more spiritual and find my religion again. In my beliefs having pre-marital sex is a big no-no. Even though I have already commited the sin, one can still right there wrongs and start over if they really mean it. The thing is that I want to talk to my boyfreind. We are best freinds and communicate really well but I know he will be so upset. He will think it is him, or be ill because he isnt getting any anymore. Is it wrong to stop after we have already been doing it so long?

 
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Old 12-26-2003, 12:23 AM   #3
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wackytoposthere HB User
Re: Is this wrong?

No, not wrong at all, it's your body and all the choices are yours! By 18
you should pretty much know that by now! Tell him, he's got two hands, he can take care of his own needs!


 
Old 12-27-2003, 01:27 AM   #4
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wrin HB User
Re: Is this wrong?

Something I want to point out to play devil's advocate:

WHY is premarital sex a big no-no?
Do you really think it will improve you as a person to cut out your sexuality and deny it?
Your sexuality is a part of who you are. Turning over a new leaf by trying to kill a part of you may not be as healthy as you need it to be.

 
Old 12-27-2003, 09:46 AM   #5
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relient still HB User
Re: Is this wrong?

wrong, it is not. whatever choices you make governing your body are exactly that; your choices. if you feel that your current actions are conflicting with your beliefs, then by all means, stop those actions. i know you care very much for your SO and you do not want to hurt him, but honestly, i think that when it comes to an issue that you are obviously passionate about, you cant be constantly worried about how your choices might affect someone else. im not saying dont consider that; just dont let it rule your decision making process. i say power to you; if you want to change for what you consider the better; then by all means go for it. good luck!

 
Old 12-28-2003, 06:52 PM   #6
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angelf2003 HB User
Re: Is this wrong?

Are you "turning over a new leaf" out of guilt?

You are going to have to explain to your boyfriend why. Otherwise he will probably feel it something to do with him.

He will find it hard to believe these feelings have come about over night.

It sounds like you are being pressured in to this as if you really believed this why did you sleep with him or anyone in the first place.

Then again as others have pointed out - its your body, your life and your decisions.

Good luck!

 
Old 12-30-2003, 04:56 AM   #7
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AccutaneAvenger HB User
Re: Is this wrong?

Greeneyextc,

You have the opportunity to become a heroine. Unlike a lot of others who aren't currently in relationships, the choice to stop is much harder for you, and it wiill take true heroism to succeed.

I personally think casual sex before marriage is wrong cos it seems clear that sex belongs in a permanent loving relationship, but if you're going to make drastic changes you need to search for a conviction one way or another, otherwise you will not be able to justify your change of attitude when questioned, especially by your boyfriend.

Take Care and Good Luck,
AA

Last edited by Mod-S4; 12-30-2003 at 07:16 AM. Reason: religious references deleted

 
Old 12-30-2003, 06:41 AM   #8
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JAYB HB User
Re: Is this wrong?

greeneyextc,

It's your body and your choice what you do with it. It's not going to be easy for you or your boyfriend, but it will give you the opportunity to explore other qualities about each other outside of sex.

We all have the potential to be perfect, but none of us will ever be perfect.

Last edited by Administrator; 11-02-2013 at 10:33 PM.

 
Old 12-31-2003, 02:02 PM   #9
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wrin HB User
Re: Is this wrong?

Why are you asking if it is wrong? Do you feel wrong about it?

It is never wrong for you to ask to not have sex -- anybody who tells you you have-to-have-to have sex is obviously not realizing how tantamount to rape that situation is.

However, the fact that you're asking this question at all means to me that you need to think about why you want to do this and what you're trying to accomplish. Suddenly abstaining from sexual activity may do nothing further than frustrating you if there isn't a good point to it -- just saying 'no' doesn't suddenly absolve you of any guilt you may be feeling (which it sounds like you're feeling a lot.)

Deal with your guilt first.

 
Old 01-02-2004, 04:43 AM   #10
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answermeplease! HB User
Re: Is this wrong?

DONT JUST STOP!!! talk to him first!! hell think ur loosing interst in him or something talk to him n slow down then stop....well thats how i c it hehe

 
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