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Old 01-28-2004, 10:03 AM   #1
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Question strange situation help! am i a victom?

ok wel i'm 18 and i was over my friends house. he was having a party and there were about 20 people there and i was drunk and i went into my friends brothers room to go too sleep because i felt tierd. i was drinking for like 4 hours and once i hit the bed i was out. (my friend had house to him self family away) well the next thing i know i hear my friend yell "holy ****" so i woke up and found my pants off and shirt off and boxers off, and i find that i was hard and the strange part was one of the guys at the party was giving me oral sex! it was a guy! and once i realized what was happening i told the guy who was giving me head that he needs to stop and get away from me. my friend (who was having party) was calling me a *** and other names. but then i explained to him how drunk i was and i passed out and i woke up when he came in the room and yelled. so i got dressed and i felt taken advantage off and very violated. so the next morning i got the guy who gave heads number and from someone at the party and called him and asked him what he thaught he was doing. he said that "he thought i was cute and wanted to suck me" then he also said i blew my load in his mouth and he started to suck me agian after that. i was shocked and disgusted and i hung up the phone. i dont know what to do should i get the police invalved or just forget about it, i'm str8 but why did i get hard if it was a guy? would'nt i wake up if i was having a orgasum? was i a victim? help!

 
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Old 01-28-2004, 10:54 AM   #2
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Re: strange situation help! am i a victom?

First yes you were a victim and I would strongly urge you to press charges against this guy. He needs to know that what he did was illegal since you were not unable to give consent to the act. Just like it is rape when a girl is drunk and a guy has sex with her after she has passed out what happened to you is sexual assault.
Also think on this you get erections during the night randomly without normal stimuli. Even drunk you can get erections randomly. You have to consider your mind wasnt aware of who the mouth belong that was preforming oral on you hence you can get erect even if you have never had an interest in guys.
You dont wake up when you have wet dreams...most guys dont and realize they ejaculated during the night only when they wake up in the morning to either a wet spot or crusty spot in their underwear or on their sheets. So you can have an orgasm and ejaculate without waking up.

You have nothing to be ashamed on what happened. If you decide not to press charges please at least talk to a counselor or such about this so you dont keep this bottled in.
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Old 01-28-2004, 11:50 AM   #3
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Re: strange situation help! am i a victom?

First remember that alcohol is no excuse for his actions. (If he was drunk and chooses to use that approach as an 'defense')

You were drunk and taken advantage of....and quite frankly the dude should not be allowed to get away with it. Those who take advantage of an individual who is intoxicated/unconcisous really just make my blood boil...

Sadly most males feel even more ashamed than females and therefore are even less likely to report it.......I hope you CAN though..

Good Luck.

 
Old 01-28-2004, 01:20 PM   #4
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Re: strange situation help! am i a victom?

hm. on top of what Dakota and Blastoff already stated, i'd also suggest waiting 'til you're 21 to drink.

 
Old 01-28-2004, 01:21 PM   #5
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Re: strange situation help! am i a victom?

I hope you can get the strength together to go to the police. This guy is obviously an opportunist who gets away with things like this. If nothing else he needs to have the crap scared out of him. Be strong.

Wait a minute. Duh! I see why you don't want to go to the cops. You were dinking under age and you don't want to get your friend (the host of the party) in trouble. Hmm. Tough one. Let's just hope that this jerk isn't welcome at your friend's place anymore. It could be awkward.

Are you willing to think about your drinking? Do you pass out often? Can you only have one or two and still have a good time?

 
Old 01-28-2004, 02:00 PM   #6
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Re: strange situation help! am i a victom?

yeah i can have a good time with 1 drink but since i was sleeping over i figured id get drunk, i am considering more to go to the police, but i also found out that the guy who violated me was sober and i just still cant bellive what happened, i mean i got a g/f who was not at party b/c she was out of town and i told her bout the inciident and she told me that i should go too police too b/c she has heard stoies of this guy doing what he did to other people girls too. i dont evven know why he was at the party i got to find out more info on the whole situaion from my friend who walked in and stoped it, and the laws on underage drinking in my town.
thanks the advice

 
Old 01-28-2004, 03:10 PM   #7
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Re: strange situation help! am i a victom?

I would properly go to the police if it was me. If he isn't stopped, he will properly do it again and again. Things could have been worse, you could have been raped, sodomised.

 
Old 01-28-2004, 08:34 PM   #8
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Re: strange situation help! am i a victom?

he was raped Mikael..
he needs to go to the police station, get a temporary restraining order, and inform the police that he wants to press charges in front of a judge..

 
Old 01-28-2004, 10:31 PM   #9
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Re: strange situation help! am i a victom?

Damn dude i feel sorry 4 u. This must really really suck(no pun intended) for u. Go to the cops man, this guy needs to be stopped. Good luck....

 
Old 01-28-2004, 10:31 PM   #10
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Re: strange situation help! am i a victom?

Hun....Here ok...lemme tell you about a story totally different in a way....but I've had time to reflect on it and you'll see what I'm getting at here in a moment.

When I was a senior in high school....I had some problems with my math teacher....this guy had serious issues, he had no qualms against belittling students and yelling at them in class.....Even worse he spent the entire semester I had him sexually harrassing me and making passes at me....I wanted to tell...I really did, but I thought even though I was an excellent student....had a good relationship with the principal....that no one would believe me. So I never told.

Now that I look back on it...I REALLY regret not speaking up about it. He really needed to be punished for his actions and I couldn't overcome the fear to speak up about it....I even had witnesses that would have backed me up on it....Yet I still did nothing but sit there and take it. And now when I think about it I'm sick to my stomach because I KNOW he's done it to other girls....and I KNOW he continued to yell at students and belittle them....

My point is....you need to make the decision whether or not to go to the police about it...none of us can convince you of what to do....But if you DON'T go.....your going to be just like me...years down the road kicking yourself knowing you could have stopped others from going through it...but didn't....

I'm NOT trying to guilt trip you into turning him in...though it sounds that I am....I'm just giving you advice based on my experiences.

Good luck.

 
Old 01-29-2004, 06:14 PM   #11
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Re: strange situation help! am i a victom?

You definitely should turn him in! He's a sick individual and someone needs to stop him from doing this to another person. Sorry this happened to you.

 
Old 01-29-2004, 08:45 PM   #12
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Normally, I would never question a post like this - as you have described it, you were violated, as an unconcious person cannot give consent.
I'm actually concerned that one of the problems you had was how the host of the party called you a derogatory term for homosexual and you tell us you're str8 and you have a gf but in another thread somewhere else on the boards, you talk about being bisexual, w/a bf but in the closet. This does not change in any way your description of the events or how we should perceive it, and I'm really sorry if this makes you or anyone else mad, but I'm bringing it up because we post our replies based solely on the information you provide us, and I resent reading different information, depending on the post. It makes me wonder what else is being kept from us, or altered.
Anyway, I want to make clear that I'm not saying being bisexual makes any difference to the situation, being violated, is being violated, I'm just complaining about inconsistant information being given...

 
Old 01-30-2004, 05:24 AM   #13
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Re: strange situation help! am i a victom?

I was thinking the same as the poster above. Here is one of his posts:


ok well i'm 18 and a freshmen in college and i'm bisexual. i have had a relationship with my b/f for 3 months (my roommate in my dorm) and we are serius and i dont know how to tell people. he is out and he does not pressure me at all he is supportive of what ever i choose to come out or not but i want too. i just dont know how to tell anyone, in high school i was the one to loss my virginity first and have a g/f all the time and stuff and my parants are very conserveitive i mean they had a fit when i got a few pierceings, me telling them i'm bisexual and have a b/f will like kill them. i know that if they love me they will support me no matter what but its scarey. all my friends at school and stuff just think me and my boyfriend are just good friends and we are except we are just a lot deeper than that. its so overwhelming this whole thing help me.
End qote......

I think you need to tell us everything so we can offer you the appropriate advise.
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Old 01-30-2004, 09:19 AM   #14
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Re: strange situation help! am i a victom?

If i were you and a guy did that to me, he wouldnt ever see the light of day again.

 
Old 01-30-2004, 09:21 AM   #15
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Re: strange situation help! am i a victom?

Hrm, I missed the other posts he made. I think that the whole story has not been told here. What's the deal? And, I agree that being violated is wrong not matter what, bisexual or not. Just tell us the whole truth so we can get a better picture of what's going on and in turn we can help you more.

 
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