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Old 03-13-2004, 10:11 PM   #1
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thug master HB User
Red face i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

hey my name is amy i am 17 and last time i have been sexually active is when i was 15..... after i had sex with him i found out that he sleeps around a lot..... then the other day when i was out school i found out that he has herpes...... i was like omg i could have that...... then i was thinking back that on my vagina i have a lot of little lumbs and i made a post about it on here...... some people told me that it sounds like some stuff.... so i looked in to it and it maches mosly up with herpes........since it has been a long time since i had sex i really don't want to wait anylonger..... this is really scary..... i am only 17 and i really don't want this to take over my life.......i was just wondering if anyone can give me some ways to ask my parents to take my to a gyno.... i know i should be goin soon but i still have like 6 months till i turn 18.... and i don't want to wait that long......someone on my last post told me to tell them that i am having trouble with my period.....that sounds like a good idea but i want some other ones then i will pick the best one for me...... another reason i want to get to a gyno so fast is because about a month after i had sex with chris i had sex with another kid...... me and matt don't talk anymore it is just i want him to know so he can get checked out 2 and so if i have something he doesn't pass it on to anyone else....

help how to tell my parents this

 
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Old 03-13-2004, 11:20 PM   #2
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Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by thug master
hey my name is amy i am 17 and last time i have been sexually active is when i was 15..... after i had sex with him i found out that he sleeps around a lot..... then the other day when i was out school i found out that he has herpes...... i was like omg i could have that...... then i was thinking back that on my vagina i have a lot of little lumbs and i made a post about it on here...... some people told me that it sounds like some stuff.... so i looked in to it and it maches mosly up with herpes........since it has been a long time since i had sex i really don't want to wait anylonger..... this is really scary..... i am only 17 and i really don't want this to take over my life.......i was just wondering if anyone can give me some ways to ask my parents to take my to a gyno.... i know i should be goin soon but i still have like 6 months till i turn 18.... and i don't want to wait that long......someone on my last post told me to tell them that i am having trouble with my period.....that sounds like a good idea but i want some other ones then i will pick the best one for me...... another reason i want to get to a gyno so fast is because about a month after i had sex with chris i had sex with another kid...... me and matt don't talk anymore it is just i want him to know so he can get checked out 2 and so if i have something he doesn't pass it on to anyone else....

help how to tell my parents this
If you go to Planned Parenthood you don't have to tell your parents. They cater to younger people, cost is based on a sliding scale and it is confidential. They test for pregnancy, STD's and other concerns. Also, if you don't want to go there, try your local County Health Clinic, same routine.

It is gonna take time to get an appointment with a GYN.

As for telling your parents, sit down with your mom and talk things out. You may be surprized how understanding moms can be

You must have had an appointment with someone to get birth control, right?
(hopefully) Sound like you didn't use a condom if herpes is a possibility. Not good. In this day and age condoms are pretty much a neccessity.

 
Old 03-14-2004, 07:33 AM   #3
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nightangel00 HB User
Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

You know this is a very difficult sitation and as hard as it sounds sounds like she better tell her mom about it. If she happens to have herpes and what not then you gotta take medications and such and sooner or later her parents will find out something is going on. How about going to her family doctor? They do gyn tests. She can say she has had a rash/lumbs down there for a while and that she would like it to check out by a doctor. Dont need to nessecary tell her mom about the time she had sex and that she thinks it might be herpes. She can just act naive about it like she doesnt know where it came from. Then if you need to tell more you do it will be easier.

my 2 cents

 
Old 03-14-2004, 08:10 AM   #4
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kendram HB User
Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

I agree with nightangel00.. You could tell your mom you think you have a yeast infection or something, if they tell you you have herpes, act clueless as to where you got it. If im not mistakeing you can get herpes in other ways than sex. Good luck.

 
Old 03-14-2004, 08:14 AM   #5
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Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

Hy Sweetie,

I was the one who said to tell your mom you want to talk to a doc about your period. You can probably even tell her you just want to talk to your doc about girl stuff. Most moms are pretty smart and understanding. I would imagine that she would prefer to have you healthy and won't have to ask you too many questions. You can even be honest and tell her you want to learn more about STD's. Try practicing what you want to say. You don't have to lie, but you don't have to be totally honest. Just keep in min dthat moms were teeenagers once, too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlight
You must have had an appointment with someone to get birth control, right?
(hopefully) Sound like you didn't use a condom if herpes is a possibility. Not good. In this day and age condoms are pretty much a neccessity.
I just wanted to clarify that this isn't your fault. No offense to Moonlight, but whether or not you used a condom shouldn't even enter into this discussion. Herpes and HPV and other viral STD's that live in the skin can and will be transmitted even if you use condoms. Condoms protect us from things that are passed through fluids, not through skin-to-skin contact. It is very difficult to protect ourselves from our partner's skin. You do need to use them to protect against pregnancy and HIV, but don't expect them to protect you from all STD's and don't expect them to work every time.

What could have protected you is if your partner had been honest with you. I admire you for wanting to know to be able to warn the other guy.
__________________
Total abdominal hysterectomy at age 26 due to abnormal bleeding. Kept ovaries.

 
Old 03-14-2004, 10:47 AM   #6
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wrin HB User
Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

You could always phone up your GP and get a referral from him. You're allowed to make your own appointments and your GP has a line on a gyno that he works with -- this is good because then it means they share records and you will not have to repeat the same spiel every time you go back and forth.

Your GP can also diagnose herpes and suchlike usually.

 
Old 03-15-2004, 11:25 PM   #7
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injured betty HB User
Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by PaNik5717
Hy Sweetie,

I was the one who said to tell your mom you want to talk to a doc about your period. You can probably even tell her you just want to talk to your doc about girl stuff. Most moms are pretty smart and understanding. I would imagine that she would prefer to have you healthy and won't have to ask you too many questions. You can even be honest and tell her you want to learn more about STD's. Try practicing what you want to say. You don't have to lie, but you don't have to be totally honest. Just keep in min dthat moms were teeenagers once, too.



I just wanted to clarify that this isn't your fault. No offense to Moonlight, but whether or not you used a condom shouldn't even enter into this discussion. Herpes and HPV and other viral STD's that live in the skin can and will be transmitted even if you use condoms. Condoms protect us from things that are passed through fluids, not through skin-to-skin contact. It is very difficult to protect ourselves from our partner's skin. You do need to use them to protect against pregnancy and HIV, but don't expect them to protect you from all STD's and don't expect them to work every time.

What could have protected you is if your partner had been honest with you. I admire you for wanting to know to be able to warn the other guy.
I was curious as to whether or not you could get herpes by any other means than sex and the site that I read said that it was rare. Granted, there are two types of herpes. Both of them involve touching skin to skin to get them.

I didn't mean to come off as rude in regards to the condom issue. Condoms are pretty important. If a person gets herpes from skin to skin from not using a condom then what else is lurking out there. If the guy that I had sex with refused to use one then it is not worth it to me.

When a condom is used properly, there is no skin to skin, contact. They come in all sizes. Short of abstinence, they are the only thing that we got going for us against STD's. I even have gone so far as to insist on dental dams for oral sex on myself when I was single. My boyfriend at the time understood.

I can understand why she doesn't want to tell her mom. I know, as a mom, that I thought that I was pretty open and cool about everything, but when it came to discussing sex with my children it was hard. A child doesn't want to disappoint their parents.

I am older and I still get cold sores. That is one form of herpes. (there is two)Once you have them, you have them for life so it is a pretty serious subject. Luckily, although mine do sometimes appear on my genital area, they have been tested and are not that type. Stress triggers mine. I have had to be honest with every person that I have ever been with about them.

If we stress one thing with our children, besides the fact that we love them unconditionally, condoms is one of my top ten. If you take a look at the death rate in Africa and Asia right now, it is a real eye opener just how much we need to stress the use of condoms.

 
Old 03-16-2004, 05:03 AM   #8
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devastated HB User
Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlight
When a condom is used properly, there is no skin to skin, contact.

I am older and I still get cold sores. That is one form of herpes. (there is two)Once you have them, you have them for life so it is a pretty serious subject. Luckily, although mine do sometimes appear on my genital area, they have been tested and are not that type. .

Actually, even with comdoms, there IS skin to skin contact. When you are having sex, the penis and vagina are not the only parts that touch! The herpes virus (and HPV too) can be present on any of the skin in the "boxer short" area (the area of skin which would be covered by a pair of boxer shorts"....the perineum, the scrotum, the inner thighs, etc. A condom does not cover these areas, and if the virus is active on these areas, then if that person's partner comes in contact with these areas, it is possible to catch it.

So, you are saying that you have type 1 genital herpes? I also have type 1 herpes genitally, contracted from my current boyfriend from him performing oral sex on me. Even though it is still considered "genital herpes", I thank god that at least it's not type 2 (which is usually the cause of genital herpes), since type 1 recurs much less often, and at least 80% of the population has type 1 orally anyway.

 
Old 03-16-2004, 06:18 AM   #9
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Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

I want to reiterate that I never meant to offend anyone. I am a member of the Cancer: Breast, Cervical, and Ovarian board and we have vowed as a group to do what we can to educate young girls about HPV. It seems that so many sex ed classes teach about condom use to prevent HIV and bacterial infections. They also teach about herpes which is annoying, but not fatal. But, when it comes to the strains of HPV that contribute to cervical cancer, there just isn't much information out there. Most women learn about it after their first abnormal pap which could be many years down the road. To me, the possibility of getting a cancer-related virus from a sexual partner is a big incentive to think twice about any potential partners and to get regular pap smears.

I am a big advocate of condom use because it will help to prevent a lot of illnesses and pregnancies. But, I want to do what I can to make sure that our kids know that sex is still very risky. Even with a condom, you CAN get herpes, molluscum, or genital warts or you can get this silent virus that could cause you a lot of frustration later in life or even take your life. Plus, your partner probably won't even know that he is contagious.

 
Old 03-16-2004, 11:45 AM   #10
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injured betty HB User
Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by devastated
Actually, even with comdoms, there IS skin to skin contact. When you are having sex, the penis and vagina are not the only parts that touch! The herpes virus (and HPV too) can be present on any of the skin in the "boxer short" area (the area of skin which would be covered by a pair of boxer shorts"....the perineum, the scrotum, the inner thighs, etc. A condom does not cover these areas, and if the virus is active on these areas, then if that person's partner comes in contact with these areas, it is possible to catch it.

So, you are saying that you have type 1 genital herpes? I also have type 1 herpes genitally, contracted from my current boyfriend from him performing oral sex on me. Even though it is still considered "genital herpes", I thank god that at least it's not type 2 (which is usually the cause of genital herpes), since type 1 recurs much less often, and at least 80% of the population has type 1 orally anyway.
That is news to me, thanks. The only people that I have ever known with herpes (genital) have had to on their penis or in the folds of the female organs. My brother has a severe case that he caught from his wife. When he is highly stressed it gets really bad.

I have type one, I get cold sores. There was a time when I had a sore on my genitals but had it tested and tested negative for genital herpes.

As for getting them, I swear by condoms and dental dams.

Thanks for the info.


 
Old 03-16-2004, 12:20 PM   #11
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Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

That sucks that your brother has such a bad case. I'm lucky, since my genital herpes came from my boyfriend's coldsores rather than type 2, my genital outbreaks are very infrequent and very mild...only like 1 or 2 bumps that look like a coldsore that yo would get on your lip. I also got sores on my nipples during my first oubreak....I never even knew that coldsores were herpes, or that you could actually spread them to nipples! aack! at least they have never come back in that location. You mean your genital blisters are only type 1 (the oral type), or they didn't test positive for either type of herpes? Yea, I have also read that during asymptomatic shedding of the virus, the virus can be present over a very large area of skin, even though no symptoms are visible in those locations. It sucks.

 
Old 03-16-2004, 01:39 PM   #12
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injured betty HB User
Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by devastated
That sucks that your brother has such a bad case. I'm lucky, since my genital herpes came from my boyfriend's coldsores rather than type 2, my genital outbreaks are very infrequent and very mild...only like 1 or 2 bumps that look like a coldsore that yo would get on your lip. I also got sores on my nipples during my first oubreak....I never even knew that coldsores were herpes, or that you could actually spread them to nipples! aack! at least they have never come back in that location. You mean your genital blisters are only type 1 (the oral type), or they didn't test positive for either type of herpes? Yea, I have also read that during asymptomatic shedding of the virus, the virus can be present over a very large area of skin, even though no symptoms are visible in those locations. It sucks.
You are right, it sucks.
The test that I had done, tested negative for herpes simplex two. When I went in to have my daughter I had a sore on my genitals. They were worried as it can cause blindness in the baby at birth. They said that it was #1. Whew!

Now you have me scared of going to my brother's house. What if he is shedding? I sometimes sleep in his bed as that is the only spare bed.

 
Old 03-17-2004, 05:05 AM   #13
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Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlight
You are right, it sucks.
The test that I had done, tested negative for herpes simplex two. When I went in to have my daughter I had a sore on my genitals. They were worried as it can cause blindness in the baby at birth. They said that it was #1. Whew!

Now you have me scared of going to my brother's house. What if he is shedding? I sometimes sleep in his bed as that is the only spare bed.
Don't be afraid to go to your brother's house...I'm assuming that even if you did sleep in bed with him, you are both clothed, right? if now....let me say eeww! hehe. You would have to have your naked genital area skin touch his naked skin in order to get the herpes from him...herpes cannot live on inanimate objects, with the exception that it can survive a short time on something that is warm and moist....such as a wet towel (although as soon as the towel dries or cools off, the virus will die quickly), so you don't need to worry about the virus being present on sheets and such, or on clothing.

So, you do have herpes genitally, just type 1 rather than type 2, like I do. I am so thankful that I only have type 1. When I was first diagnosed, I was devastated (hence my name), but then after doing research and finding that type 1 is so prevailant, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. I still don't relish the thought of me and my boyfriend ever breaking up, and me entering the dating game again, and having to tell future partners that I have genital herpes, and then trying to explain the different types and all, but I guess I'll deal with that if it ever becomes an issue. Actually, most cases of ocular herpes in children ARE caused by type 1 rather than type 2......but maybe ocular infections that happen during birth rather than later in childhood are caused by type 2 more often. Anyways, don't worry about getting type 2 from your brother...unless you are intimate with him, you have nothing to worry about. I would, however, avoid using any damp towels that he has used, and opt for a fresh one.

 
Old 03-17-2004, 09:03 AM   #14
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Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

When I read your post, the south came to mind for some reason. Just a joke, my husband is from the south. No sleeping with my brother. He lives in the spare bedroom at my mom's house while visiting. I have passed on sleeping in there and opted for the couch more than once.

I have this thing about towels, I use a new one each time that I shower, so no problem there.

 
Old 04-04-2004, 12:11 AM   #15
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Re: i need a gyno and don't know how to tell my parents

Your 17 just tell your parents that you know a some point you will need a gyno and want to have one now so you can start getting comfortable with them. Thats what I did to get birth control pills and then once your in their office just tell the doctor they can't tell your parents. See if that flys.

 
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