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Old 11-26-2004, 05:18 PM   #1
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What should I do?

Ok. I'm new to this, I just got my very first close girlfriend a few months or so ago. We've been together strong for a while and we make out almost every time we see each other. We are both 1*, but were each other's first kiss. Today I ran into a problem. She told me specifically the first time we actually made out(not too long ago) that she didn't want me touching her breast because of the way she was raised and stuff. She said off limits here^ and here \/. Well, today we were watching the Matrix Reloaded just for something to do after we got done decorating for Christmas and stuff. We started to kiss and previously she said it was ok if I kissed her neck and played with her but a little while we made out because she kind of liked it. Well, we just fell asleep and woke up about half an hour later. We ate lunch and then started making out again while we were waiting for the movie to finish. I rested my hand on her breast but she said no, as I kindly asked her a few times and she just kept saying no, with the repeating comment "Control". Well we got more in depth talking about it and she said it was mainly because she had been told that all any guy wants out of a relationship was sex, and that they wouldn't stop and take it too far if you gave them an inch. I told her I wouldn't be like this, and I promised, but still it was no. So I told her that I was no longer going to do anything with her than light kisses, at first I had stated that I wasn't going to fondle with her butt anymore and she asked me not to take that away. Then I caught myself gently about to kiss her neck when I stated that I couldn't do that anymore either because I wanted to stay true to my promise and if I keep doing these things I know that I might take it too far. At this point she was about crying from me cutting off to her what she enjoyed most out of the making out process and the mass attention. Well, I know that it may be wrong to treat her this way, but what she doesn't understand is how hard it hurt my feelings to be rejected what little I wanted to take further and her lack of trust of me not taking it too far. I mean I have a lot of pent up emotion to vent from all these years of being alone and stuff. I really care for her. One week and a day ago I told her I loved her, which though in saying I felt immature or juvenile it hurt but at the same time felt surprisingly good. I really don't know what I should do at this point or where our relationship is going to go know.....Things seemed alright after a while, but then again it just didn't feel right when we left. Also, she keeps asking me what I want for Christmas, but I keep telling her all I want is her and I already have my gift. If she knew what was in my heart what I wanted for Christmas then she might think less of me, but then again I can't tell her that. Please post comments or tips, I could greatly use them.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 11-26-2004 at 08:45 PM. Reason: Due to your age, do not post your age on this board.

 
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Old 11-26-2004, 05:34 PM   #2
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Re: What should I do?

SO what you DO want is sex or to go further...That's HER WHOLE POINT! Be lucky she even lets you touch her butt. Seems like your girl has morals and standards. There's not too many females out there like that. Thank God you have a good one and respect what she asks. If your so "trouble" sexually then you might want to please yourself BEFORE you see her! There is no rush for sex, there is no rush to touch her in places that makes her feel uncomfortable and I'm glad her parents taught her limitations. You should be proud she isn't an easy girl. You will probably NEVER find another girl who respects her own limits. If you really LOVE her then you will do what she asks and not go past what she is comfortable with and don't push her on the subject. That's not love.

 
Old 11-26-2004, 06:20 PM   #3
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Re: What should I do?

I don't think you understand though. She lives with her mother, who doesn't actually live by these "standards". I'm not wanting sex at all, in fact I want to be abstinant. But what I do want is that if I'm going to be doing as much as I am for her now and treating her like I do, I don't want the short end of the stick. I feel as if I'm being left out and that I'm getting nothing from this relationship, as all that we do is what she begs for, literally. I do respect her, and her decisions, but if she can't respect me like this then its not right. You always expect that "If it makes her feel uncomfortable, then you shouldn't do it and she's always right, no matter what." What you never actually think of is the hurt inside of what it's like being rejected in this way, just to want to be told that you have the opportunity, not even that I would take it. You know, maybe it makes me feel uncomfortable to do all the things that I do for her, and just maybe it makes me feel uncomfortable when she trys to smother me we kisses, especially when my tongue is always sore and bleeding because she has braces. Sometimes I feel as if I am the one being used. I feel as if I could cry right now....

 
Old 11-26-2004, 06:29 PM   #4
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Re: What should I do?

She's testing the waters. She's just not ready for all of what you want. At least your being honest and you can tell her that. You may lose a really nice girl though, are you ready for that? Maybe you need to make your own rules...such as.....No more heavy kissing because it arouses you and you don't feel that's right. I didn't mean to sound as if your feelings don't matter but sexual feelings are not what makes a relationship. Would you rather have nothing at all? If so then tell her. You do have to be honest with yourself. I agree. It mostly is up to the girl though and what she says is final as far as how far you can go.....if you were to say no to certain things than your word is final also....that's just lines you do NOT cross. If you feel uncomfortable doing things for her then do NOT do them. There is nothing wrong with a guy having standards and limitaions too ya know. If you have to put that much thought into it then it can't be too much fun.

 
Old 11-27-2004, 12:13 AM   #5
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Re: What should I do?

Your first post made it sound like she was trying to establish some boundaries and you were being very inconsiderate by repeatedly trying to get her to let you play with her breasts. And then after your talk, you promised you wouldn't be like that, but that's exactly what are you are being like. You want more. She's given you her limit, and you keep pushing. And now you are here complaining about everything you are doing for her (obviously at great sacrafice to yourself) and getting nothing back. The fact that you expect something back tells me you haven't quite grasped the concept of NOT pressuring her, or doing things just in order to 'get' something back. And playing that game where you try to withhold stuff is definitely immature.

I'm sure you're genuinely going through some trouble here, but I think you need to step back and think about what you are doing, what you are trying to get out of her, and why you feel the way you do about how she is behaving, because honestly, and I hate to be unsupportive, but you aren't sounding very mature or nice... Actually, she sounds kind of immature too (begging?), but your post is a little confusing and one-sided, so I really can't comment.

This will tell us a lot: what is it exactly that you want from her for Christmas?

As for your second post, you are implying that you are getting absolutely nothing out of the making out that you do do. Does that mean you don't like touching her? That you really get nothing out of it? It isn't even exciting? Again, it just sounds like you want to push for more activity, which is what she's saying guys just want. And I totally don't believe that given permission, you wouldn't do it, considering how much you seem to be pushing for stuff!

Finally, her mother is not a young teenager, and does not have to live by the same 'standards' that a young teen does. She is an adult, and you can't use that as an excuse.

 
Old 11-27-2004, 12:54 PM   #6
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Re: What should I do?

It's not so much like that. I'm not being immature. The truth of the matter is that I just want her to say it. Honestly. Anyways, I'm guessing what you thought I wanted for Christmas would be perverted? No. I just simply don't want to ask for anything because her family has little money.

Today was different. I hung out with her mom quite a bit, and we put up the Christmas tree and the little village thing. The few chances we got we kissed and stuff. Really I'm starting to just accept whats going on. Ok. New question though. I feel as if I've come to a fork in the road. After fooling around a little today it appeared that she was extremely wet. After going to the bathroom a few times I noticed that there was a smeel wet patch on the front of her pants and on the couch and stuff. I'm not sure what to do here either because she took it quite normally.

I'm not completely sure how she feels about me now. I think I may have thrown her completely offtrack with what all I did today. I bought her some diamond earrings, a card, and a rose for an early Christmas preasent. I could see the tears in her eyes and I think she may be a little distraught on what she should do. Any advice?

 
Old 11-27-2004, 01:36 PM   #7
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Re: What should I do?

Cant You See ? These kind of girls are rare and u should just not take her for granted, many girls will just have sex wit u and its nothing and this is not healthy at all. This girl sees you as a guy that she likes, thats y shes not letting u have sex or get far with her because she may have experienced before that she would let a guy go far wit her and then he would just drop her. So from wat i have read, She enjoyes the romance that you 2 share with each other and she beleives that sex will only ruin wat you 2 have or even getttin far wit her is gonna ruin it. Girls they just dont see sex sex sex all the time like us guys do, all we see is the goal how to get into her pants as fast as we can how to pleasure our self thru touch and feeling. Girls see love, romance spiritualism in the whole thing ur girl jus doesnt wanna have sex she rather leave it at jus makin out. i had many x girlfriends man and all i wanted was to have sex all the time with them but thats not wat i want rite now. Haven a girl aint like wat u see those girls do in the porn movies u have 2 feel for her take care of her shelter her and she will do in return eventually turning into love for each other enlightning both of your spirits, to make it simple it is just one big spiritual journey that u will remember wen ur lyin in ur bed dying. The Sweet Memories will make tear fall from your eye. Use Your Mind and Your Heart and you can do anything u want thru emotion which is your drive and your mind which is your tools.

 
Old 11-27-2004, 05:20 PM   #8
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Re: What should I do?

It's not what you think though. Like I said, we're each others first real boyfriend/girlfriend. We were each other's first kiss. And I don't want sex, in fact it's the last thing on my mind. And I know that I have a great girl. I've already settled this problem.

 
Old 11-28-2004, 03:32 AM   #9
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Re: What should I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevo182
But what I do want is that if I'm going to be doing as much as I am for her now and treating her like I do, I don't want the short end of the stick. I feel as if I'm being left out and that I'm getting nothing from this relationship
This sounds like you think sex is how a woman is supposed to reward you for being a good boyfriend. I'm afraid this isn't how it works. You dont' feel like you're getting anything from the relationship? Isn't she a good girlfriend in other ways? Is she a good listener, does she listen to your problems, offer advice, is she thoughtful and kind, a good companion? Or is the sex thing just the only thing that really means anything to you? You said in your next post that you've resolved this issue about where to draw the line, but just in case there's still any issue, if your tongue is getting cut by her braces, you can compromise on this issue. There must be a way you can kiss her and use your tongue without getting near her teeth. I dated a guy with braces and never once got cut on them. You have to realize her body belongs to her, not you. You're taking it too personally. Letting you touch her breast is not something she owes you. It's just where she stands morally. You just have to decide if you'd rather have her, or another girl who will let you go further sexually. What's more important to you? Though I understand feeling like you're giving more than you're getting. Adults have problems with this same issue to some degree. But in her case, it doesn't sound like she's being a selfish lover, she just has certain moral standards and wants to stick to them.
By taking away the things she likes totally, it sounds like you are/were attempting to punish her for not letting you do to her body what you wanted. I must say, that's not fair, or very nice. This is sort of a "well, if we can't do what I want to do, then we won't do anything." which sort of sounds like "if you loved me you would, or if you won't I'll find someone who will." No doubt part of the reason she may have been distraught is that she might be thinking she will lose you if she doesn't give in and do what you want. She may end up giving in to your pressure, letting you do what you want, leaving her feeling used, guilty and ashamed. This may make her even more demanding on you, and can lead to all sorts of problems. The bottom line is, we all have the right to our morals, our beliefs, and what feels good and feels comfortable. You have a decision to make. Do you care enough about her to compromise and do your best to respect her morals and wishes, or is it more important to you to be with someone who is more compatible sexually?

Last edited by Ninispjc; 11-28-2004 at 03:35 AM.

 
Old 11-28-2004, 08:28 AM   #10
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Re: What should I do?

I've already said it's nothing like that! I don't want sex at all, I've stated this several times. I don't want to find anyone else. I'm just saying, if she doesn't want me to go any further, I'm going to stop doing the things that lead me to that. Which I have, and lately we've gotten along a little better. If you're going to post, read the entire thing and think about it before you say anything. I'm not just a sex driven maniac, I'm only a teenager. As I've said before, I just want to make her realize that everything in the relationship can't be about her like it was, it has nothing to do with sex at all. I'm just saying that it needs to be a two way street.

 
Old 11-28-2004, 02:18 PM   #11
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Re: What should I do?

Maybe it's just me who missed it, but what was it that you wanted her to give you for Christmas? So it's not sex then? I was also wondering why you gave her Christmas presents to her early? Why not just give them to her on Christmas? I really would like to believe that you weren't aren't trying to pressure her for sex, but there have been several things that you said that indicated just that, and I think that others have picked up on that too and that is why they keep on that. I think what others have said to you is very sensible. Seriously, I hope you are sincere when you say that you aren't with her hoping to break her down eventually. Don't push it.

 
Old 11-28-2004, 03:35 PM   #12
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Re: What should I do?

I'm not, I've already dropped it. Like I've said, want I want for Christmas and what I gave her for Christmas have nothing to do with sex or trying to pressure her. I'm not trying to pressure her at all. I DON"T WANT SEX. Why can't you just listen to what I have to say. Here's the story: I believe we love each other, been together for several months now, she's pressured me into making out a few times, she asked not to take it farther, so I didn't and to control myself from it I took away some of the things that would indefinately most likely lead to taking it further, this however made her angry/sad. I'm just saying that now that we've come more accustomed to each other, what should we do? It seems as if we've run out of things to say and do with each other that won't take it farther. That's the entire point I've been trying to get accross is that we're at roadblocks in our relationship. I gave her Christmas preasents to her early because I wanted to see her reaction. I'm saying she was distraught because she didn't know what to do for me and she's feeling the same roadblock that I am right now without taking it further, thus the name of the thread "What should I do?"

 
Old 11-28-2004, 03:36 PM   #13
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Re: What should I do?

I also forgot to mention that they were mere gifts(in one package...diamond earrings, a rose, and a card) to what I'm really getting her for Christmas.

 
Old 11-28-2004, 04:49 PM   #14
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Re: What should I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevo182
I've already said it's nothing like that! I don't want sex at all, I've stated this several times. I don't want to find anyone else. I'm just saying, if she doesn't want me to go any further, I'm going to stop doing the things that lead me to that. Which I have, and lately we've gotten along a little better. If you're going to post, read the entire thing and think about it before you say anything. I'm not just a sex driven maniac, I'm only a teenager. As I've said before, I just want to make her realize that everything in the relationship can't be about her like it was, it has nothing to do with sex at all. I'm just saying that it needs to be a two way street.
I actually did read all your posts, and when I said sex, I didn't mean the actual total "act," I meant all sexual activity. You say you want her to understand that the relationship can't be about her like it has been, yet the fact that she won't let you touch her certain places but likes for you to do other things as far as kissing and such, is the only thing I have seen you mention as far as your relationship. Then you say it needs to be a two-way street. Perhaps you should clarify exacty what you mean by that. But if whatever you're doing is helping you both get along better, and she's ok with you withholding certain displays of affection, then that's a good thing. You said before that when you first suggested it, she got very upset, ("and to control myself from it I took away some of the things that would indefinately most likely lead to taking it further, this however made her angry/sad.") but perhaps she's had a change of heart. Hopefully it will all work out for the best.

Last edited by Ninispjc; 11-28-2004 at 04:51 PM.

 
Old 11-28-2004, 09:44 PM   #15
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Re: What should I do?

If you really mean what you say, then I apologize for assuming that you're expecting her to give in to you and for thinking that you're taking away things from her to punish her. Let me quote some things that you said and then maybe you can see why I thought what I did...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevo182
At this point she was about crying from me cutting off to her what she enjoyed most out of the making out process and the mass attention. Well, I know that it may be wrong to treat her this way, but what she doesn't understand is how hard it hurt my feelings to be rejected what little I wanted to take further and her lack of trust of me not taking it too far. I mean I have a lot of pent up emotion to vent from all these years of being alone and stuff.
Those words lead me to believe that you wanted her to feel rejected because she made you feel rejected by holding out on you.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevo182
If she knew what was in my heart what I wanted for Christmas then she might think less of me, but then again I can't tell her that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevo182
Anyways, I'm guessing what you thought I wanted for Christmas would be perverted? No. I just simply don't want to ask for anything because her family has little money..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevo182
Like I've said, want I want for Christmas and what I gave her for Christmas have nothing to do with sex or trying to pressure her.
Those are the statements you made referring to what you want from her for Christmas. I went back and read over everything, and you never did tell us EXACTLY what you want from her for Christmas. If you don't want to tell us, fine, but I hope you can see why we all thought that you meant sex judging by that first statement of yours referring to it. I just can't imagine what you would want from her that would cause her to think less of you. Those were your words.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevo182
But what I do want is that if I'm going to be doing as much as I am for her now and treating her like I do, I don't want the short end of the stick. I feel as if I'm being left out and that I'm getting nothing from this relationship, as all that we do is what she begs for, literally.
Excuse me if I'm wrong, but when you said that, I took it as you saying that you do so much for her and because of that you expect her to give you more (in the way of letting you touch her). I'm not sure what you did mean when you said that. If you feel like you're "getting nothing from this relationship", then end it and find someone who gives you whatever it is that you're expecting. I'm sure lots of girls out there would be happy to oblige, whatever it is that you want. I'm not sure what your girlfriend begs you for either, unless you meant that she begs you to respect her wishes. I really am serious when I say to find someone else if you aren't getting anything out of the relationship. Why stay with someone who isn't living up to your expectations?

You have only been going out for a few months and you've bought her diamond earrings?? I assume that you mean cubic zirconia. I can't imagine that a teenager could afford a pair of real diamond earrings. I've been married for almost 25 years and my husband can't afford to spend such money on me for a birthday or Christmas present, let alone a present to see what my reaction would be. If those are real diamond earrings that you got your girlfriend, then I think my husband should start working where you do!

If you stopped doing certain things with your girlfriend for the reason that you stated, because doing those things could lead into further things, then that's good that you stopped them, I guess, if it was just too tempting for you. Now you seem to be asking what you should do to keep from getting bored with each other. I assume since you bought her diamond earrings that you could afford to take her out to the movies, to dinner, bowling, dancing, etc. Even if you can't afford those things, just go to the park, for walks, bike riding, and such things that don't even cost anything. You don't have to spend money to have a nice time with each other. Surely you can come up with things; use your imagination! So I don't really see the problem. Just keep yourselves busy and in the public eye to keep you away from temptation and to keep from getting bored. I would guess that you either work or go to school and it's not like you're together all day and all night every day, are you? My first boyfriend and I waited almost four years until we had sex, and we managed to find things to do. Unfortunately, it turned out that he wasn't the one for me.

I really don't know what else to tell you, and I'm not trying to point the finger and tell you you're some horrible person or anything like that. I just wanted you to see how/why other board members and I came to the conclusions that we did because of things that you said in your posts. I hope you both get what you want without causing the other one any distress, but really, if you are already in a dilemma after just a few months, it's going to be a real obstacle for you to get through years together. Good luck.

Last edited by comeonnow; 11-28-2004 at 09:58 PM.

 
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