thinking about sex - Sexual Health - Teens Message Board

Wonderwoman_x3 · 02-15-2005, 03:35 PM

me and my boyfriend will have been dating for 5 monthes in 2 days and we are thinking about sex. I want to..but i want to get on the pill first. My mom has always told me when im ready to come to her and tell her and she will get me on them...but i dont know exactly how to go up to my mother n tell her im ready to have sex. I dont want her thinking stuff about me and especially not about my boyfriend.Do you guys have any suggestions as to how i could talk to my mother about this or other options i might have? I would realli appreciate it.

Lauren831 · 02-15-2005, 04:09 PM

well this in a few ways sound semi similar to how my first time went a month ago, i dunno how old you are but i am 17. My mom would have probably said the same thing to me but ive been on BC for a few years now for ovarian cysts so i cant tell you from expirence how to handle that situation but i can try and help you. First of all just know that going to your mother about this sort of thing is going to be scary for her as well as you, no matter how leaniant or cool she may be, having your teenage daughter come up to you and tell you shes thinking about becoming sexually active is a big slap in the face sometimes (im just telling you what my mom told me lol) What i would suggest doing is make sure shes in a good mood first of all and sit down with her and say something along the lines of "mom..you told me i could come to you when i felt i was ready to be on the pill, and i think im ready now, (insert boyfriends name here) and i have talked about having sex but we arent sure if we are going to do it right now, but to be on the safe side i would like to start the birth control" ya know something like that to show her you have given it thought and your handling this maturly, you may want to add things like "we are family and i dont want you thinking any different of me or my boyfriend, so if you have anything thats on your mind about it, i would appreciate you talking with me instead of assuming things" now maybe not that exact way you can mix it around however you want, this is basically what i would be telling my mom if i was in this situation. I hope things go smoothly for you and remember shes going to be just as nervous as you are, work through it together

hope i helped with this really loonnng reply

lol

honeydip · 02-15-2005, 09:29 PM

There is no easy way for a child to tell his or her parent that they are thinking about sex and there is no easy way for a parent to accept that when it comes from a child. You truly have to sit down and think, If you were to have sex and didnt get the birth control because you did not know how to tell your mother and got pregnant, which would be harder to tell your mother? That you are thinking about sex and want to get some form of bc or that you are pregnant. i sure that your mom would want you to do what is responsible since your are thinking about making an adult decision to have sex.

pillzpillzpillz · 02-16-2005, 01:56 PM

My son came to me when he was 17 and I bought him some condoms...I didn't enjoy knowing, but at the same time I was proud that he wanted to be responsible. Just tell your mom that you would like to think about birth control because you and your BF might be serious and you want to be ready. She will be pleased you confided in her and will help you out. Believe me, I was a teen mom, I have an 18 year old now and I'm only 35....get on birth control!!

-Pillz

redsoxgirl2418 · 02-16-2005, 02:58 PM

i have a slightly different opinion on this...and it is that, with all the resources out there, you don't necessarily have to tell your parents that you are ready to have sex.

I definitely believe that there are some parents out there that it is honestly the best thing for the relationship between the parent and the child for the parents to not know that their teenager (or any age unmarried child for that matter) is thinking about or having sex. Mine are two of them. It is heavily preached and assumed in my family that the only moral thing is to wait until marriage to have sex. We are not religious, but drilled into my head since I was old enough to understand the concept of sex was that the only acceptable thing for me to do is to lose my virginity on my wedding night. I don't agree with it, and most likely I will have sex before I get married. But telling my parents would not be the thing to do. Even though it isn't really an issue for me because I'm 23 now, even if I was 17, I'd go to planned parenthood and make sure I understood and used various birth control options. I just know that the best way to keep a positive, peaceful relationship with my parents would be to keep my sex life to myself.

While I know there are parents out there that would be able to handle hearing that their child wants to have/is having sex, and would be a wonderful resource to helping to ensure that their son/daughter knew what they needed to know beforehand, I feel that there are many instances where a teenager could handle it on their own and not involve their parents.