help plz.. self control.. etc - Sexual Health - Teens Message Board

Passion4BskBall · 07-19-2005, 06:07 AM

alright, im in a new relationship, and we have been together for 2 months. now i must say, we have moved along fairly fast.. when i wanted a relationship to go slow. but i really care for this guy, he is unlike anyone i have ever met and he makes me feel so beautiful about myself. he is everything i have looked for and more.. he means alot to me, and well i dont want to ruin things by going to fast. we have had oral sex a few times and it was amazing. that is why everytime we get alone we start makin out n stuff, and its like i cant stop.. i want more, i want him to take it to another level, i want to be WITH him. but yet i know that i should slow it down, and i really want to but its like.. hes so perfect and i want to please him and be pleased. u know. i just want to know, what can i do to slow it down a little. we both know we care ALOT about eachother, and im his first with everything, except he has given oral and manual before me but has never recieved or had intercourse.

how can i gain more self control?

also, i dont want to be like NO, cuz i would confuse him about it. i know that if i have a serious talk to him, he will listen and probably understand but he would want to know why the sudden change. and i dont have a reason to tell him. he doesnt think of sex often, and since i allowed it a few times b4 i dont want him to be like .. well she did it once, what happend? was i not good?

see what i mean. soo would that confuse u if a girl say yes to oral n stuff b4 bout now says no..

ScaredAt · 07-19-2005, 06:56 AM

LOL. Wow girl, I definitely know what you mean. I love havin sex, but I don't, because it's weird. It don't feel good, but I dunno. It just brings you closer with your partner/boyfriend/or just a lover. I personally have only had sex with my boyfriend 3 times. The other guys haven't been with me.

So what I'm tellin you, is to be safe, very safe, and as long as you trust this guy not to hurt you, then I don't see what the big deal is.

Good luck though girl.

Passion4BskBall · 07-19-2005, 07:02 AM

yes i understand that some would say that because i am not a virgin it makes things different.. but yet, i really care about this guy and i want to be with him, he is so perfect for me and i know i can do what i want but i want to have more self control over what i want, even tho i want other things at the same time. I have some morals about relationships that are still in their early stages. and i want to not only respect our relationship as being short, i want to respect myself. but when it comes down to it and we are alone, i go crazy for him. yes it brings us closer and he is awesome at pleasing me but i need to learn self control anyways, and if i learn it thru sexuality then i can probably have self control over anything lol. so thanks tho for ur reply.. anyone elses opinions i would greatly appriciate.. thanks... also does anyone really understand my dilemma cuz i am not sure if i explained myself clearly or not.. thanks

rurounigrl · 07-19-2005, 07:19 AM

Hey, I'm 1*, so I know thinking about sex really isn't bad, because it's natural, but you don't have to necessarily act on your feelings. Try not putting yourself in sexual situations, like...no heavy makeouts. You don't have to have sex with someone to show them you love them. What happens if things don't work out with this guy? You just gave him a piece of yourself you can't ever get back. Do things that are fun, but not...well...don't do things to instill sex into your thoughts. Keep it safe, because you never know what might happen. Mostlikely, try saving it for marriage.

Passion4BskBall · 07-19-2005, 07:43 AM

rurounigirl... i can not save it for marraige because, i am not a virgin, i have had sex before wit my ex. im close to 17yrs of age.. i have had sexual relations just for the hell of it but this guy is different. i dont quite love him u know but its not that i feel like i have to act out on my feelings of cuz i love him.. cuz i dont yet.. its more hormonal. And i think i need to know.. that oral is fine, just to let it stay at that, but i know that if its oral.. we have nothin else to do but intercourse n i dont want to have sex again for a while.. cuz my ex bf i went thru a few phases where i had sex w/o condoms n then when we did have sex wit a condom i was paranoid n stuff and had a bad preg. scare. as for Scaredat16 i understand where u are coming from but our relationship is not going to get boring and if it does i do not thing i will allow the relationship to continue cuz i do not was sex to be what is holding it together... like u said. im just scared to want someone again n then mess it up in the end n have problems, go thru preg. scares, and hurt the people around me.. including him, and me.
if i tell him no, at this point have now having sexual relations wit this confuse him? this is what i wish to have answered.. along wit the other question thx