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Old 11-13-2005, 06:28 AM   #1
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ashsmash288 HB User
Scared

I don't know why, but I'm really scared to go down on my bf. He wants me to, and says he will go down on me, but I'm so afraid that I won't know what to do.... I mean I know it's kinda obvious what you do but for how long? and then he says he wants me to deepthroat but I don't know that I can do that. The thought of it almost puts me to tears, I don't know why. Anyone have any advice or tips?
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Old 11-13-2005, 07:20 AM   #2
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cookiepls HB User
Exclamation Re: Scared

Quote:
Originally Posted by ashsmash288
I don't know why, but I'm really scared to go down on my bf. He wants me to, and says he will go down on me, but I'm so afraid that I won't know what to do.... I mean I know it's kinda obvious what you do but for how long? and then he says he wants me to deepthroat but I don't know that I can do that. The thought of it almost puts me to tears, I don't know why. Anyone have any advice or tips?
Welcome to the boards.

You need to sit your bf down and tell him exactly what's on your mind. Don't be wimpy about it either. Be assertive. If you're not ready for it, don't do it. If you make yourself do something sexual that you really don't want to do yet, you just set yourself up for sexual problems later on.

I read stories on these boards all the time about men who are upset because their gf or wifes don't want to do it. It usually starts with your first sexual experiences. You can make them good ones by making your own decisions about what you will or won't do, or you can do what your guy wants despite your own feelings and possibly turn you off to it in the future.

Also, I don't know if your bf even knows what he's talking about when he thinks a woman totally inexperienced with oral sex is going to 'deepthroat' him. I don't even know an experienced woman who would do that. Not saying there aren't any. I don't know. But not one woman I know or have known would agree to it. It can choke you and will likely cause you the gag reflex. You don't want to throw up during love making. Not condusive to good sex. Another thing, if at some point you decide your ready for oral sex. Never let a guy put his hand on the back of your head and push your head down trying to make you deepthroat. I'm not saying he'll do that but some inexperienced guys do.

If you WANT to perform oral on your bf then tell him you don't know how and I'm sure he'll be happy to tell you what he likes. Number one thing here I want to stress is only do it when you're ready. Don't be pressured.

 
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Old 11-13-2005, 07:34 AM   #3
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Re: Scared

well i'd firstly like to say that your boyfriend reminds me of the first guy that i gave oral to- i was like you, really petrified!! and he would talk about me "deep throating" him, and as i look back on that, and read your story, i really feel that it is a very disrespectful thing for him to do that to you. as a matter of fact, if you're not ready, then don't do it!!!! it doesn't matter if he's begging you, this is about YOU, you and your own self-respect are worth much more than he is, even if he is a wonderful guy. he should not be bargaining giving you oral sex only after he receives it. unless you are scared/uncomfortable of the thought of receiving oral (which is toootally fine and normal!!) then he should have already offered to give it to you, without you wanting to return the favor. that's a REAL man!! and besides, it might have prompted you to return the favor, without feeling a huge pressure to do so.

[ deleted]

i've heard guys says "there's no such thing as a bad [oral] job," because if there's a mouth around their member, that just can't possibly feel bad in any way (unless you use your teeth!) so relax, i'm sure it will be fine.

again, i must stress my first comment, though. i can relate very much to your situation (the guy's attitude is very reminiscent of my old guy....) he ended up hurting me very much, and it was because of that sort of disrespect that this guy seems to be giving you. all i'm trying to say is just be careful and NEVER do anything you're not comfortable with

Last edited by Mod-S4; 11-13-2005 at 08:18 AM. Reason: DO NOT give sexual how-tos. Please read the Special Rules sticky at the top of the board.

 
Old 11-13-2005, 12:07 PM   #4
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Re: Scared

Thanks, I'm glad I'm not alone. I feel weird for being so scared. I said to him I don't think I could deepthroat... it would be like choking wouldn't it? And he said "oh you wouldn't at least try?" Ugh..
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Old 11-13-2005, 10:50 PM   #5
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Quirk HB User
Re: Scared

i don't want to scare you or anything, but this guy does not sound like a winner.... no good man would ever say that to you after expressing your fears!! i consider myself sexually experienced for a number of years, and still gag when giving my boyfriend oral. deepthroating requires you to have no gag reflex. your boyfriend sounds very disrespectful and it sounds like you don't deserve it. don't get caught up with this guy, you could get hurt!! and there are plenty of other gentlemen that are just that- gentlemen. it soudns like you are young, so don't feel like you need to rush things, you will meet tons of other more respectful people than him. just be careful with this guy, it doesn't sound like he even deserves oral!!!!

 
Old 11-14-2005, 06:49 AM   #6
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cookiepls HB User
Re: Scared

Quirk is right. He's trying to pressure you. You tell him you really dont' feel comfortable doing it and his response is he still wants you to try? Not only is he clueless, he has no respect. I can't imagine a good relationship with this guy. He's got a lot to learn.

 
Old 11-14-2005, 11:36 AM   #7
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ashsmash288 HB User
Re: Scared

Thank you for making me feel like I'm not being stupid for being scared. I'm going to talk to him again tonight about it. I just hope he can respect how I feel... if not, maybe you're both right.
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Old 11-16-2005, 04:00 AM   #8
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Hazel_Eyes HB User
Re: Scared

Do not give in to this guy. He needs to understand that you are not ready and that you are not comfortable with it. He needs to respect that. If he cant and he keeps pressuring you - DUMP HIM.

 
Old 11-16-2005, 08:53 AM   #9
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I_love_lucy HB User
Re: Scared

I agree with the other posters...I think your not ready and that he is not the guy for you (at least when it comes to oral sex). He needs to respect your feelings and listen to what you have to say..instead of worrying just about himself.

Sex in itself can be a scary thing for anyone...you'll know when it's the right time and if it's the right person. Don't do anything you do not feel comfortable doing...trust your gut instinct.
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Last edited by I_love_lucy; 11-16-2005 at 08:53 AM.

 
Old 11-16-2005, 09:29 AM   #10
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linzi1708 HB User
Re: Scared

This can be a frustrating time for alot of girls and doing it for the 1st time can be scary and embarrassing. Only do what you feel comfortable with, if he cares enough he will undersatnd and wait until ur ready, you will know when the time feels right and there is nothing to worry about it will come naturally when you do it, you have to try and relax and will all be ok. As for the deep throat personally i think its just a guy thing, they seem to like putting it as far in as they can just explain that you will do it as you like, he will be cool with it. You just wait until you feel comfortable and he will enjoy it. If you do it when you feel scared he will know the difference. Take your time and dont rush things.

 
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