I really need an outsiders opinion on this.
So, a few months ago I lost my virginity to my gf. After awhile one of the people in the hosue started calling for her, so we had to stop. I thought it all went fairly well, she really seemed to enjoy it.
So for about the next month we never even had more than 10 minutes alone toghter. I wouldn't be worried except that it seemed like she planned it that way, or always found something to do when it seemed like we might have a chance to just be away from anyone. I began to wonder if maybe she didn't want to be alone with me. Maybe I had done something wrong. Really, because of the # of partener she has had I had nothing new to offer, and anything I did has probably been done better. So I talked to her about it and she denied it. It may be coincidence but the next time I saw her we ended up on her bed with no one in her house. This was honostly the most perfect chance we had ever had to have sex, there was atleast 3 hours with out any possibilty of being disturbed. After an hour and a half it had not turned into anything, and we finally just stopped after she said we were not going to have sex. I walked away from that a little hurt that we had a very rare perfect chance and she didn't want to take it, but I respect the fact that she wasn't into it that day.
Once again my fears began to surface. Why would she pass that up? After that things moved back into not having alot of time alone. I began to wonder, what if I was really horrible. Maybe she planned it that way to keep me happy. Maybe all the little taunts, the little secret things, everything she hinted at that never materialized was just to keep me from realizing that she didn't have a sexual intrest in me.
This has been slowly getting worse. I've tried talking to her. All I have gotten out of her is "i'm just not intrested" with a reason. I've really looked at her reasons and some of her behavior contradicts what she says.
Last of my insecurities. There was this ex of hers that she always complained about and really seemed to hate. She has talked about how she would probably have ended up with him again if she had not met me. She stopped complaining awhile ago. Pretty recently she has been talking about being at his house, but no details on what they did. This really raised a red flag for me, but I was just too afriad to prod at it. Could she possibly be cheating on me? Maybe I was so horrible that she went back to him?
Any advice or insight would really help. I hope im just looking too far into this.
Last edited by Meowmix4078; 12-28-2006 at 11:44 AM.
Reason: Clarity
First of all, I guess it's possible that she's cheating, but I wouldn't count on it, just based on what you've told us. It's very possible that she just finally got over her feelings for this other guy and wants to be his friend again.
But, more to the matter at hand, don't think you're a failure. It sounds to me like she's having an internal dilemma. She's confused about something. Maybe it's another guy. Perhaps she's worried about getting pregnant.
On the other hand, I'm wondering if she wants to have sex or not. By this I mean obviously if she's making passes at you, part of her wants some action, especially if she's been sexually active before. But on the other hand, maybe she's realizing that she shouldn't be having sex at this point in her life. I've been there once. Though I never had intercourse with any of my gf's, I do recall once, after months of being very physically active with one of them, I suddenly had this realization that I probably had crossed a line and I needed to stop. I tried to talk to her about it, but she just made fun of me and started withdrawing 'cuz she thought she wasn't good enough.
The best thing to do is to talk to her about it. If it didn't go too smoothly the last time you tried, go at it from a different angle. Ask her if she still likes you. Tell her the fears and things that you're feeling. But you should also ask her if you (plural) are moving too fast.
From a girls point of view, sometimes when I'm feeling insecure or a little moody, I won't want to have sex. I will just feel ugly or gross and don't feel up to it. I try to do it anyway because I know it always cheers me up! Anyway, does she seem happy during these alone times? Or does she seem a little distant? I would try talking to her.. not about sex, but just to see what she's thinking and how she is feeling. Maybe something is bothering her. I am sure she isn't hating your sex or anything.. if she were that type of person where it's such a big deal, she probably wouldn't be hanging out with you. I would just focus on the other parts of the relationship for now and let her be in control of when you two decide to be intimate. Just try to do sweet things for her and make her feel comfortable.. just show you care. Oh and sometimes I get sore down there and stuff and just don't feel up to it since it would hurt me more! There are so many reasons.
About the cheating part, she probably isn't. If she starts avoiding you and not even hanging out, that's when I would start to worry. I am friends with one of my exes and while he is off in another country, we talk online as friends. I don't hide it and will reply to a message in front of my boyfriend.. I don't hang out with him, but if I did I wouldn't feel weird about it. I am sure it is just a friends thing going on there! She wouldn't be going over to see you if she was.. or she would be acting extremely sweet from feeling bad about it.
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