Hi, my son whose 11 has started recently masturbating, I'm not looking for a debate on the whole age thing but we're quite open thankfully and he has told me he only goes so far and then it hurts ie he hasn't reached orgasm. He seems fine with it really am just slightly concerned about the pain factor, he has high functioning autism and it may well be a different sensation other than pain he's feeling, he describes it as being he thinks when the blood rushes in eventually it gets too full and he has to stop because it hurts.
to be concise my concerns are
1. Is it pain?
2. is something wrong ie perhaps skin to tight and causing pain - ie does he need to see gp?
3. whilst I don't want to actively encourage growing up to fast if its a lubrication problem should I actually get something for him, if so what is best? (he said he tried in the bath and it wasn't any different)
4. will this change with time and when he's ready he will get past this point- if there isn't actually something physcially wrong?
5. isn't this going to get frustrating?
6. if it's all normal in the beginning and at this age at what age should I worry if he comes to me with concerns again?
What your son is describing as "pain" may be the precursor to an orgasm. When I was that age, I remember similar feelings. In time, I learned what the feelings really were.
Obviously his description of "pain" really could be a true pain. You may want to just educate him on the fact that if something really hurts, he should avoid the activity or talk to you in more detail about it. If he has any redness or irritation on his penis, it could mean that he is getting a bit too aggressive. In time, he will learn his limits. It is important for him to know that this is a normal activity that boys around his age do. It is not normal to talk about it in a social manner but every boy discovers himself in time.
It is easy for me to say since I am not a parent, but I would like to be able to say to my children someday that they are maturing and that this is perfectly normal. As long as you have this open relationship, I would suggest encouraging him to ask you any questions he may have. If you do not have the answers, this is a good place for you to ask them.
As close as I am to my mother, I would have never been able to have this conversation with her. You must have some excellent parenting skills!
I wish you and your son the best.
Last edited by Bob652; 02-16-2011 at 07:26 PM.
Reason: typo
Thanks for your reply its very helpful. I think its more his typical over-sharing, he talks alot far removed from the sterotypical view some folk have of autism he's the 'active but odd' type who doesn't really understand personal space rather than not wanting a hug he'll practially sit on top of anyone willing to tolerate it. Am just trying to work out how best to ensure he doesn't over-share with others whilst not stop him talking about issues he has with me at least, they are starting living and growing at school very soon so that will bring up lots of interesting things am sure. This has caught me by surprise as I thought we'd get to at least 13 before having to address adolescent issues so intimately I think they need to start living and growing in schools earlier as talking about it sooner might of been helpful though suppose I could of done that myself but hindsight is a great thing , its quite strange because in so many ways he is immature for his age due to the autism but then obviously his body is well ahead, kinda difficult emotional time coming I think unfortunately but have to go through it at some point and yes I think this board will be very helpful, anyway again thanks for taking the time
i started around that age, but funny enough, never had an orgasm until about 14 because of the same thing. I could never do it without it eventually hurting and me having to stop. Well i figured out a few things. 1. I am circumsized (i know a little personal but stay with me here) and i wasn't understnding the concept of the motions involving the foreskin or the missing foreskin (really didnt know which to call it) 2. until i learned those concepts, I needed to use lube (mine was cheap... Lotion). with the lotion, there is less friction and all he really needs is to know the motions which.... yeah.. | it didnt get frustrating to me... every time i tried and failed i just thought i masturbation wasnt for me and i would wait until i had sex.. but conversations at a later age lead me to try and be successful..| if he comes to you again, i think you should tell him about the lotion. let him play and not hurt himself. hope it helps.
Teen Pain Masturbation 
Re: Teen Pain Masturbation 
, its quite strange because in so many ways he is immature for his age due to the autism but then obviously his body is well ahead, kinda difficult emotional time coming I think unfortunately but have to go through it at some point and yes I think this board will be very helpful, anyway again thanks for taking the time 
