POCD or Pedophilia?
I'm a 16 year old male and I'm not sure if I have POCD or Pedophilia. I've had regular OCD for 5 years and I've been battling it for a long time. Now that I'm growing up and slowly maturing, I'm starting to discover my sexuality more. The problem is I don't know if I have a real Pedophilia or if its just POCD.
I would like to start by saying that I would never ever harm another child. I have morals and I know its wrong to do that and while I did have a few fantasies of it, I would never want to do that and if I ever did (which would never happen) I'd probably kill myself even if I'm christian because I would feel that bad about it. But this is really bothering me now. I've researched about POCD and I've noticed that people with POCD feel attracted to people their own age normally. This is the first problem for me. I noticed that I'm not attracted to any girls around my age or older and this is the scarriest part about it.
Another thing is, people with POCD feel very bothered by their attraction. I'm bothered by my attraction, but the problem is whenever I masturpate I think of little girls and I enjoy it. Then at the end of everything I realize how wrong it is and feel horrible afterwards. But there are times I feel no bother by it which makes me even more confused.
Whenever I can I try fantasize about girls my own age or older but I just don't feel attracted to them. I kind of enjoy fantasizing about little kids. But at the end it really bothers me, I know its wrong and I feel horrible afterwards. This is really a struggle for me. Is this Pedophilia or POCD?