Me and my girlfriend have been discussing having sex, she's still a virgin. She's not entirely sure she wants to but if she ends up saying yes, then I'm worried - what do I say to her about her hymen?? I know it will probably hurt her a lot but she will get really scared about the pain..How do I reassure her about it and get her to go through it?
You probably would not have to worry about a hymen. With as active as young ladies are these days, with gymnastics, horseback riding, it probably was stretched and broken without any help. because it would be her first time, she will probably be tight until she has had intercourse a few times and her vaginal canal has been stretched some. Try using a lubricant to help. It will make it easier.
I would not focus so much on her hymen, it is not as big of a thing as focusing on her feelings and being gentle with her. I agree that you should use lubrication, and take your time with her. The hymen, if it still exists will give way. Take good care...
Thankyou, yep I know I will definitely do my best to take good care of her.. But um I've read on here of people who have been in so much pain and bled for days..That doesn't sound like a little thing?!
There is a huge difference between menstrual bleeding and bleeding because you've been injured, so I don't think these should even be compared. It is possible your girlfriend will bleed if her hymen is still intact and it tears. That's just how it goes and she's probably already aware of it.
I think when she is ready, she should come on here and ask about it. I'm not at all comfortable giving you advice on how to convince her to go through with it, especially when we don't even know how old she is. It is good that you are concerned though.
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Thisby For This Useful Post: Durden4444 (04-22-2011), Kali333 (04-22-2011)
I had to tell her about it :P at the time I didn't know quite how painful it could be though.
Okay that's fair enough, I didn't really think of it like that.. I don't think she would come on here though. We're both sixteen.
That's the thing, it isn't always painful, and there isn't always bleeding. Women are built differently, and a lot depends on the state of her hymen. In another thread, you say you've been fingering your gf and that it hurts her. Maybe you've been tearing her hymen, in which case it could hurt her less. Or maybe it means she's super sensitive.
My advice would be to ease off and let her set the pace. It might take longer, but at least you both will end up happy and you won't come across as pushy (and you don't want her to think that).
That's what I've been doing everything we've done has been at her request and believe me I'm not pushing her into anything. But thankyou, I understand your concern. And hm those are the possibilities eh? Well I guess the only thing to do is see how it goes.. But I don't suppose there's a good website which explains about the hymen? Maybe it will have some information on what kind of things she could expect based on things about her body.
I had sex at fifteen, almost sixteen. I don't recall it being terribly painful. The first few thrusts were uncomfortable- it was a sort of burning, stretching feeling that made me gasp.
But after that, it was not painful. It was not pleasurable either, not the first time. But I was glad to have done with it. I did not want to be a virgin anymore. None of my friends were. (How times have changed, eh? Hard to imagine a girl saying that these days. But this was in the 1980s. Things were different then. A lot of teens, like me, were in a hurry to grow up).
There was no bleeding after my first time.
I suspect my hymen was already broken; I had been quite active in sports, and I had used tampons for several years without any problem.
So anyway, when a girl is ready, losing her virginity is not always some sort of slaughterhouse, torture-chamber scenario.
Operative words: when a girl is ready.
I would have resented even the minimal pain I experienced, if it had not been entirely MY CHOICE to have sex, if some boy had been scheming about how to convince me to do it.
The discomfort was entirely tolerable, because it was in service of something I wanted. Sort of like getting one's ears pierced.
But I agree with the poster who said, she'd be much more comfortable advising the girl herself, rather than the boyfriend.
Your girlfriend doesn't sound like she has a very good knowledge of her body and the workings of it. has she had sex ed classes? Is she on birth control? That may be something that you two should do before you move onto the actual act. condoms are not 100% guaranteed and not using any type of bc can very quickly label you are parents. If you are going to be sexually active, your first act should be some type of bc.
Thisby was right when she said that it isn't always painful. It is uncomfotable, but it isn't what I would call painful. It certainly isn't pleasant the first time around, but that passes. And about her hymen. If she has used tampons, there is a rip, tear, hole in the hymen as that is where the flow would come through.
I certainly appreciate your concern for your girlfriend. You are a mature young man...but I wonder if your girl is as mature as you are. I would hate to have this turn out as a bad experience for either one of you.
Last edited by ibake&pray; 04-22-2011 at 02:46 PM.
The Following User Says Thank You to ibake&pray For This Useful Post: Durden4444 (04-23-2011)
Kali there is no need for the insinuations (well actually not so much insinuations and you having directly come out and said it) that I'm "scheming to convince her to have sex with me".. It's entirely her choice and I've been as good a boyfriend as I know how to be. I'm merely trying to get some knowledge of this as I don't want her to be unprepared for any eventualities which might ruin her first time..
ibake - you would be correct in that, it's my experience that she doesn't know much about it, I think because she was very innocent and hadn't really had a need to find out before we fell in love. The sex ed classes we've had at school are laughable.
I've done some research about the pill and we both know it is a good idea for her to be on it, but she's scared of acknowledging the fact that we're doing things, and she doesn't want her parents to find out. The doctor would be completely confidential right? Like, no phone calls/letters..? She said for me to make her do it though :P.
Okay, that's good, I hope it would be tolerable. Thanks for the information about the tampons, I'll check with her about that.
And lastly, thankyou I appreciate that. She certainly deserves someone who cares about her feelings.. And she is for the most part, but like I said, inexperienced. Which is why I'm feeling a large responsibility to get all the information. You're right though, I think we've narrowly averted disaster a few times already as she didn't even know there was sperm in pre-ejaculate D:.