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Old 06-26-2011, 08:22 AM   #1
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Unhappy My first time is preventing from having sex with my girlfriend

I lost my virginity about a year ago and since then I haven't had sex...meaning intercourse....the girl I lost my virginity to told everyone around my school I couldn't "get it up" but really I was a virgin and didn't last long....this memory comes back to my head every time me and my girlfriend are about to have sex and it really is frustrating because I really want to have sex with her. when we are about to have sex (and even during foreplay) my heart starts beating very fast and I just can't seem to focus on my girl because I'm thinking about how bad my first time was..and how the girl told everyone in my school that I couldn't "get it up" and that prevents me from getting hard....I'm like ****** at myself....can someone please help me? I know I have the potential to get over this fear I just don't know how. This whole situation makes me really sad, please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
Old 06-27-2011, 06:26 AM   #2
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JumperOK HB UserJumperOK HB UserJumperOK HB UserJumperOK HB UserJumperOK HB UserJumperOK HB User
Re: My first time is preventing from having sex with my girlfriend

Relax and enjoy the moment. It's as simple as that. There's not a guy out there who hasn't experienced what you did your first time. However, try this. Next time you think you and your girlfriend will be intimate, go ahead and masturbate a few hours prior. Or better yet, have your girlfriend masturbate you to ejaculation. Then a few hours later, when you two are ready to go at it, you'll last longer. But the biggest thing you have to work on right now is to relax. Just by the very nature you're a young guy, you're going to ejaculate very quickly. The good news is, because you are a young guy, you'll be able to recover quicker for round two.

 
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Old 06-28-2011, 09:17 PM   #3
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Unhappy Re: My first time is preventing from having sex with my girlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by JumperOK View Post
Relax and enjoy the moment. It's as simple as that. There's not a guy out there who hasn't experienced what you did your first time. However, try this. Next time you think you and your girlfriend will be intimate, go ahead and masturbate a few hours prior. Or better yet, have your girlfriend masturbate you to ejaculation. Then a few hours later, when you two are ready to go at it, you'll last longer. But the biggest thing you have to work on right now is to relax. Just by the very nature you're a young guy, you're going to ejaculate very quickly. The good news is, because you are a young guy, you'll be able to recover quicker for round two.
Thank you soo much. But do you think telling my girlfriend about my first time will help me relax more? I've been debating wheather or not I should. It's very embarrassing to talk about especially with my girl. I know she is very understanding, it's all a pride thing with me and I just need a little bit me insight. Thanks

 
Old 07-03-2011, 01:04 PM   #4
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Re: My first time is preventing from having sex with my girlfriend

Hi,
I would say it's extremely important to have open communication with your gf.

I had the same worries and never told the first guy. later i realized I did this because he wasn't really the right guy and i instinctually responded in an uncomfortable way.

I'm not saying the same thing applies to you, that was just my personal experience. But when you are having sex with the right person, you already know they love you as you are, and you don't need to have hesitations about what they would think. Actually, if she's the right girl for you, she will admire and love you more for being vulnerable and honest. It takes a man to be honest and have open communication. And yes, knowing you are doing the right thing will make you feel more relaxed and enjoy it more. I know it would make me love my bf even more.

Last edited by setare7; 07-03-2011 at 01:06 PM.

 
Old 07-03-2011, 02:51 PM   #5
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Re: My first time is preventing from having sex with my girlfriend

You should definitely talk to your GF about this before it becomes a "thing" that comes between you two. You didn't do anything wrong. You had a natural reaction to losing your virginity that happens to many, many guys out there, you just had the unfortunate encounter of it being with a snippy lil witch!

You're causing yourself way more anxiety than you need to, talk to your GF, take some of the other posters advice, and enjoy yourself.

 
Old 07-03-2011, 08:10 PM   #6
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cakebravo HB User
Re: My first time is preventing from having sex with my girlfriend

Thank you all. Three days ago I went to see my girlfriend and explained everything to her. Everything that I wrote inside of this message board and a little more that I forgot to mention. She told me that my first time was not as bad as i made it out to be. I also told her that I am worrying about satisfying her and lasting long and she told me that her first time was very short and since I'm still inexperienced she is not worrying about the time just the fact that we are going to have sex, the length doesn't matter over time we will get there. I Also told her that I get really nervous during foreplay and she said just relax, think about me and not the past.So now I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I love this girl soooooo much and she does me. We have been together for six months and our 7th month will be tomorrow. She really is the girl for me and I'm 17 now but after college and when our career goals are set I am going to marry her. Once again thank you all sooooo much I really appreciate all the advice you guys have given me and I have used all. You guys have saved my relationship. Much appreciation!!!!

 
Old 02-18-2012, 01:41 PM   #7
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cakebravo HB User
Re: My first time is preventing from having sex with my girlfriend

Everyone, i know it has been a while since I've posted but i have some good and bad news. I broke up with the girl i was referring to in the post. I was with her for 10months and came to realize, recently, that she was not the girl for me. I was not comfortable with her at all and i was afraid to be intimate with her.
I've recently came across a great, whom I've known since my freshman year in high school. This girl is absolutely amazing, I'm not afraid to be open and honest with her. We have been in a relationship since 10/31/11 and as of 2/16/12 I took her virginity. Since then, we have been having great sex, when we engage in foreplay I am able to maintain an erection up until the time we finish. I really feel good about myself because I overcame my PA.
Thank everyone for their kind advice in trying to help me with my fear in overcoming my performance anxiety. Thank you guys so so so much you advice is greatly appreciated!

 
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