I always get pressured to messing around and going past my limits, and after i feel so dirty and used and stupid. Help how can I stop? I hate it but i try to stop and say I'm just doing first base and maybe second which is nothing below the waist but i always do and then i feel awful and dirty and guilty and used and i have a probleming with cybering too PLEASE HEEEELLLLLLLLPPP*sniffle* *cries*
Hey Dragon... Ok, this might sound rude, but that's not my intentions. There's one word for you to stop this from happening..the word is "no". I know its hard to say when youre in the moment, but later it will make you feel better. I totally relate with you on this, and i know how it feels to feel dirty after not saying no. I tell my best friend everything and I just wrote her a card saying "You have more respect for me than i have for myself". Since i wrote that card, it's really made me think about the whole "guy situation". I don't know what you do, but do you tell the guy before you hook up what you want to do?? with me, i dont like to plan things..so i just say whatever happens... and if you have said no to a guy and he continues to do whatever, then he has no respect for you either and you need to get out of that before you get raped. I know it's hard to say no when you're having a good time. But when you do say no to a guy before it gets too far, trust me, afterwards, you'll feel so much better, i promise..!! Good luck
Thoughts:
1) Find a person who can be a friend; the friendship then could lead to a relationship.
2) Try and build YOUR self confidence. In that way, you can control the situation more. YOU might want to consider learning women's self-defense. In that way you CAN control the situation when the guy goes too far.
You should feel dirty; you were used. However it can be solved by being more confident. Guys should respect you for who you are, not whether they can get past second base.
Tsk tsk....such bad boys out there. I no like either.
This is the kind of thing that makes me sad to hear. What you have to avoid is waking up one day and realizing that you've had 20 different guys (not necessarily sex), how dirty would you feel then? A respectable man doesn't respect a girl who's been around - so you'll be in a situation where the only guys who will even talk to you just wanna have sex with you. Please understand that now is when you have to stand up for yourself. The fact that you are concerned about this says that you are smart enough to see that.
Those dirty, used, and stupid feelings you mention have a purpose. They are your conscience saying, "Hey, this is not right." The more you ignore those feelings, the worse you feel about yourself. The worse you feel about yourself, the more you'll hurt yourself with this behaviour. It gets harder and harder to stop the longer you keep it up.
> A respectable man doesn't respect a girl who's been >around - so you'll be in a situation where the only >guys who will even talk to you just wanna have sex >with you.
Well I am a respectable guy and I still respect girls that have been around. I think you are setting double standards. SO it is o.k. for the guys to have been around and not for the girls. Who do you think the guys get around with?? The only think I don't like is a women that boasts on which guy she has been with . Other than that I do not loose respect if a women enjoys herself and has had one night stands. I just don't want to know who with.
I didn’t say anywhere that it’s OK for guys to be “players”. Whether male or female, I think promiscuity messes you up mentally more than you think. Sex is a sacred human ritual with powerful spiritual and emotional repercussions. If you kill that part of it, you are removing the psychological association between physical pleasure and love, destroying the most rewarding experience that we have in this life on earth. If you think about it, you will see it – sexual abuse and rape have the effect only more concentrated and the victim is aware of it. Promiscuous people are sexually abusing themselves without knowing it, really. Weird concept isn’t it? But, I really believe that a majority of people today are incapable of feeling real love, and the divorce rate is evidence of that. I don’t expect the majority to understand my opinions, everyone will just keep doing what they are doing and getting what they get – exactly what they deserve (loveless, trustless relationships; guilt feelings; overall crappy lives!).
o.k. point taken about the double standards.
Still I consider myself a respectable guy and I respect women that have been/ are promiscous as much as any other woman.
I look for other values.
Well, I see you point, and I have similar discussions with friends. I don't want you to think that I hate easy girls, I feel sorry for them because I can see further down the road to how most end up. With guys, it's more of a "proving masculinity" thing, notches on the belt which is ridiculous and is really about insecurity. But for the young girl who started this post, my heart goes out to her because I've seen this story all too often and it always ends badly. I've had alot of experience with pepole very close to me to have had these problems. If you're reading his thread I hope you are REALLY thinking about what we all have to say here, there's more at stake than you think - the psychological effects of what you're doing will destroy you eventually.
Help!Men suck, heeeellllllllpp!*sniffle* 
