devastated

Hi! Yes, it is possible to pass herpes to your partner's genitals, even if there is not a cold sore present at the time, but the chance is "supposed" to be small. However, this is how I caught it genitally. My b/f did not have a cold sore at the time, but one popped up 2 days afterward, and 2 days after his cold sore popped up, I started getting symptoms genitally. How the herpes virus works is it is VERY contageous during an outbreak, but as long as the virus is dormant, it is not contageous. However, the herpes virus can be active and present on the skin, or in the case of oral herpes, in the saliva, without any visible symptoms; this is called "asymptomatic shedding". This makes it impossible to know for sure when you could be shedding the virus. Your partner could go have a blood test done for herpes, as chances are he may already have it (estimates are that 80%, or even more, of the population has oral herpes, with or without symptoms, and at least 1 in 4 has genital herpes). If he does already have it orally, it will give him some, albeit not total, protection/immunity from getting it genitally, as his body will already have antibodies. You should let your partner make the choice, or you could use flavored condoms. Like I said, it is unlikely that you would pass it to him if you don't have a cold sore present, but it can happen. Hope this helps.