MuSIcGiRl0412

Ok here is the situation:
My boyfriend and I have been going out for eight months and we love eachother and we talk about everything. We have gone pretty far sexually, but the problem is that I am starting to feel really weird when we start touching eachother. When we are alone, he will randomly ask me to show him my breasts, to finger me, or ask if he can photograph me and I usually say yes because I love him and I trust him. But if I ever ask him to take his shirt off, see his penis, or give him head, he says no and asks me to not push him to do anything he doesn't want to do. He tells me how much he loves me and says he wants to lose his virginity to me but I end up just giving him a handjob. He wont even let me look at his penis when I am giving him one! I have seen it a few times and it is 8 inches long and pretty wide so it's not like he'll be embarrassed. But I am starting to feel like an awful **** because he was my first boyfriend that I have done anything sexually with, and it seems like I am just doing whatever he asks of me and it isn't mutual. I understand if he isn't ready, it's just that I used to feel comfortable with him and I wanted him to have me, but now it just seems unfair. I DON'T WANT TO GIVE SO MUCH OF MYSELF TO SOMEONE WHO ISN'T GOING TO GIVE THEMSELVES TO ME! I feel alone and awful and I don't know what to do! Someone, PLEASE reply because I don't want to lose him but I am confused and upset at what I have recently noticed. Thank you for reading.
~*Kayla*~