Hey I'm 17 and I'm having problems with sex particularly, being nervous. This nervousness is making it hard for me to get an erection. For instance when I was 15 me and this girl and I were chilling and she was on top of me, and I couldn't get an erection, even though we were kissing and such. She wanted to have sex, but luckily there wasn't a condom around so that was a good reason us not to proceed, but the fact I didn't get an erection with her on top of me bothered me, but I honestly didn't like her that much. She was pretty attractive, but I just wasn't that into her, so I attributed the situation to that. And since then I've talked to girls exchanges some pictures and whatnot easily. However, last night I was talking to this girl that I really like (but she has a boyfriend), and we were talking about sex and kind of sexting each other, then she asked for a picture of my dick. I really wanted to but even the nervousness of the situation was enough to prohibit me from getting hard. It was very weird and scary, because I even masturbated earlier that day and everything ran smoothly, but as soon as she asked for the picture I couldn't deliver, I found a way to wiggle out of it and promised her one today upon sending me one. How do I get over this overwhelming nervousness that is prohibiting me from getting erect?
But only you know what's inside your mind. :-)
The first girl, it may be you were afraid that she'll get pregnant once you have had sex with her. You mentioned about no condom. Even though it's an excuse to avoid the sex, but that's it, the mind reigned over your will at that time. A manifestation, your wee wee wants it, but the fear of pregnancy is stronger.
About the second girl, my opinion is you are a challenge lover, fond of competition. She has a boyfriend. You like such girl, because the challenge burns up your adrenaline. But you said, you still hardly have an erection, then maybe your relationship with her is just on the surface. Resembling, you haven't yet ask her for a date, a physical contact.
last night I was talking to this girl that I really like (but she has a boyfriend), and we were talking about sex and kind of sexting each other, then she asked for a picture of my dick. I really wanted to but even the nervousness of the situation was enough to prohibit me from getting hard.
Consider yourself VERY lucky! There are some giant red flags there and it was probably your subconscious doing you a huge huge favour. First off, never send pictures of your privates to anyone over the internet, especially not someone who has a boyfriend, or who may be under age. For all you know, her bf could find it and spread it around not to mention possibly illegal. (Learn something from all the disgraced politicians who've had their embarrassing pictures made public.)
I know this doesn't help your situation of not being able to get erect, but I think that both those situations were pretty questionable (2nd one way worse though) and so did you at some level, so your body wasn't cooperating.
Maybe you'll have better luck when you're actually with someone in a normal situation.
I totally agree with Thisby. And this is totally normal. Anxiety does this to erections. It's not unusual at all. You should never try to have sex with someone you're not totally comfortable with, that's pretty much asking for a bad experience.
Also you might find it helps with your anxiety to be totally upfront ahead of time (that this problem could be an issue), so that if you do have this performance anxiety problem, it's not totally unexpected and ruins the experience. Instead you can just work around it.
That's another thing, when we first start out in sex, men are often only focused on themselves, but as we get more experienced we realize the whole point of sex is that it feels good to make someone else feel good. For that, it doesn't even matter as much if you have an erection, you can still do things to make her happy. And doing that and getting comfortable with your ability to please her could really help you overcome your general anxiety.
Worrying about the problem can be the source of anxiety that creates the problem, so it could help to plan around the problem so it's not much of a problem and you're not just focusing on it negatively. It can't help to just focus on it as a devastating problem.
