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Old 09-04-2003, 10:57 AM   #1
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Red face orgasm from masturbation but not with partner

HEY!

I would like to know...if there are other women out there...who CANNOT ACHIEVE an orgasm through either sexual intercourse or ORAL sex...

I am 25 years old..and have been sexually active since I was 20. I have had several boyfriends and NEVER been able to get there. TRUST ME, I have tried everything...and it has been every guys MISSION to get me there. Ive tried, toys--watching videos with my partners, every mental state of mind recommendation ever made by my girlfriends over the years who find this to be quite the tragedy for me...ive tried masturbating with my partner...(that works,but IM DOING THE WORK)..i can't map it out for them...infact it would be impossible for them to dub what i do to myself.

which is strange...

ever since i was 7 years old..i used to look at my dads playboys he hid under his bed..and figured out SOMEHOW ( I HAVE NO CLUE) that by rocking on my heel (sitting on it, almost indian style..WEIRD I KNOW) i could achieve orgasm. obviously at 7, i had no idea that that was what i was doing...but have been doing it ever since. i usually HAVE to be watching porn, or seeing something graphically entertaining to get there.

i have gotten to the point where i can masturbate WITH my VERY LOVING and incredibly patient boyfriend...then we have sex right after i climax on my own...

i just cant figure it out...i know that the stimulation is probably clitorally, but if he touches me manually or orally to try and trigger something..NOTHING happens. i enjoy oral sex...but its just that. nothing REMOTELY close to the charge i get having an orgasm. no build up...nothing.

its frustrating to us both...and at the same time exhausting for me. i have sort of given up the idea that its possible because ive tried everything.

at least i can take care of myself...thank god. its a wonderful feeling. i only wish my boyfriend could 'give it to me'...ha. no punn intended!

penetration, by the way...does NOTHING for me. sometimes he hits a place...usually when its harder..that sorta feels good, but is a TOTALLY diff feeling than the one i recognize as leading me to climax.

any ideas gals??

 
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Old 09-04-2003, 11:09 AM   #2
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Angry

I wish I could help you. I'm in the same boat almost exactly. I've been watching porn since I was like 12, and masterbating since then too. I've never been able to climax with oral or intercourse and I've had plenty of opportunities too. Unfortunatley, I've always been to shy to pleasure myself infront of a guy...I always feel ackward. So if anyone knows how to help with this please post your suggestions!

<3 Shannon
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Old 09-04-2003, 12:29 PM   #3
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LostCause HB User
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Sorry to post a comment. I know im not a woman but i also have this problem, its alot more rare with guys i think. Its really effected my sex life and my self confidence, i almost never want to have sex now because it does nothing for me.
Ive been told to hold off the masturbation for around 2 weeks because i may masturbate to much but i doubt it will help you. Ive heard of a lot of women that have this problem though and want you to know your in no way alone. But perhaps you should try not to masturbate, i know its hard i havnt been able to go 2 weeks yet without it.
I hate this situation though, oral and intercourse does nothing for me, i feel like im missing out on life and wish i could find a solution.

 
Old 09-04-2003, 12:40 PM   #4
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A lot of times, it is a mental issue as well.

Let's say the first time you're with a partner, he's not able to get you off. So then he gets self-sconscious, as do you, and the next time he tries all the more harder to get you off, and you yourself as well, you go "oh god please let me orgasm this time, dont let him think I"m abnormal" and so on.
This definitely blocks the mind, blocks the emotions & the more you THINK about NEEDING to orgasm, the further away from one you will be.

I don't usually have the problem of not climaxing, but on the occasions that I do, I find that it's my mind blocking it.

Also... I know some women are more sensistive to anal action than vaginal action...ever consider anything like that to see if it may help... ?
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Old 09-05-2003, 06:54 AM   #5
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Stella,

You sound like me to the T, except with a lot of hard work I can get off with Oral sex from hubby. He inserts his finger INSIDE Me while performing oral, while doing this he presses his finger up and hits this spot inside, so while he's doing both I can have a great orgasm. I usually need to be watching porn though Otherwise my mind starts to wander and I can't concentrate and get there. Even now when I masterbate I need to have porn on. I worry that eventually even the porn won't help anymore. Sucks, but my mind just wanders too much.

You're not alone, I'm sure a lot of women are like this. Sometimes I wish I could be young and have sex all new to me again.


 
Old 09-05-2003, 09:50 AM   #6
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shell1974...

wish you were young...?? im assuming you are only 29?? if so...that IS young!

so good to hear someone with a similar issue...i SO need to be watching porn. the crazy thing is...ive gotten to the point now where now ill stimulate my breasts at the same time, and Im convinced that if i stopped what i was doing with my heel, i could carry out the orgasm by touching my breasts alone...the charge is flowing that intensly.

ive figured out that...its just so hard to duplicate the stimulation i get off my heel...with any other body part..that my partner could offer..without me friggin HUMPING him or something...haaaaaaa the pressure from my heel is very firm and covers a large area down there..that i have no idea EXACTLY where the spot is? when im touched manually or orally...its not enough...just tickles, feels good, but doesn't get that spark going at all.

i have yet to try watching the porn while my partner is going down on me...that seems so impersonal?? im sure hed be up for it if he thought it would help me, however I worry, that if it works...how crappy and detached would that be if i had to be watching a video all the time :-(

he does finger me often when hes going down on me...infact this is something my boyfriend enjoys ENTIRELY more than any guy ive ever dated. i sware he would do it for an hour if i let him. HE LOVES IT. think he does what your hubby does for you...just doesn't seem to work for me? maybe i need to through the porn into the mix.

thanks for your input!! were you unable to orgasm before too?

 
Old 09-05-2003, 11:01 AM   #7
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Yep!! Couldn't orgasm with oral until the porn tape got popped in!! lol.

Yeah I'm only 29, but I've been having sex since I was 16. I just remember when I would watch soap operas and get turned on !! LOL. Wish it was still that easy. I just feel like we have done everything there is to do, and it's all just a lot of work to get turned on anymore. Getting too used to things. Guy/girl porn doesn't even do it for me anymore, I have to watch something out of the ordinary. It's so sad isn't it??


 
Old 09-08-2003, 07:39 AM   #8
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Speaking as a guy who has been with someone who many times has to finish herself off I think it is often a control issue. If you are watching porn, it is putting you back in control and the same if you have to masturbate yourself to climax. Of course it could just be that you have conditioned yourself over the years to a very heavy pressure and thereby desensitised yourself...in which case holding back from masturbation may do the trick. However, you should consider that maybe buried deep inside you actually feel more comfortable holding back and being in control.

Try pretending that you are *******..not to fake him but to create a horny mental state in yourself. Having had some long spells apart from my partner, I found it difficult to get back into two people sex both from a physical and psychological angle....but by creating the appropriate self talk i actually talked myself into it.

worth a try.


 
Old 06-22-2010, 10:56 PM   #9
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Re: Who can orgasm from masturbation but not with their partner?

Yes I am like that. I can only have orgasdms throguh masturbation, clitoral.That's not the only thing thats upsetting. what really upsets me is the fact that my orgasms are so weak and unsatisfying.

 
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