I need a Womans advice... - Sexual Health - Women Message Board

anonymous31 · 05-24-2004, 12:25 PM

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now, but neither of us want to have sexual intercourse until we are married. However, we do engage in other activities to fulfill each others needs and/or desires. Recently, though, it seems that she has had a decrease in those desires. For example, in the past couple of months there have been times when we have gone as long as two weeks without so much as a passionate kiss, and not for lack of trying on my part. She rarely instigates intimacy and sometimes refuses my attempts at the same, even though she frequently tells me that she is attracted to me and that she wants to be intimate with me. I understand that I shouldn't expect her to be in the mood whenever I am, but I am getting confused. I love her very much and I don't want to frustrate her or to be frustrated with her. I would really appreciate any advice concerning this situation (how to get her interested again, how to communicate my feelings to her without sounding demanding or needy, why she would tell me she wants to be intimate and then refuse my advances, etc.) Thank you very much in advance.

Dakota · 05-24-2004, 02:49 PM

Well the best thing is to flat out ask her.

But I suppose one possibility is.....You say that you both want to wait til marriage...so I guess it could be possible that

1. she's got a 'guilty mind' in regards to what you've already done (which I don't know what you have done just a thought)

Or

2. she could be very attracted to you but is afraid that once you start doing stuff that neither of you will be able to stop?

Magnetic · 05-24-2004, 06:29 PM

If you are dating and she doesn't even want to kiss, there is a problem in the relationship. She may be growing tired of you or disenchanted with the relationship in some manner, or possibly even feeling guilty from some past behavior. Try to have a heart to heart with her to see if the relationship can be saved.

tara_may · 05-25-2004, 07:29 AM

yes i think that u should just ask her.
as the other poster had said she might be feeling guilty because of what she already did with u (dunno what ur reasons are exactly as to why u guys want to wait until marriage to have sex but if its due to religious beliefs she might well be feeling guilty).
she might also be afraid that u guys might end up going further than u had initially planned.
maybe she is just bored and needs a little more variety.
if u love her try to show her some understanding and patience.
u wont find out the true reason until u just ask her urself.
tara

anonymous31 · 05-25-2004, 08:50 AM

I don't think it is that she feels guilty or feels that we will go too far because in the past when either of us have had feelings like that we have sat down and talked it out. I have tried to talk with her about it, and she said that she just didn't know why she felt the way she did. She said that she was still very attracted to me, she just didn't feel as turned on as she had in the past. It sounded to me maybe a little like she was going through a period of low libido or something. She has been under a fair amount of stress recently. Could that cause something like this situation? If that is the case, what could I do to help the situation? Thanks for your help so far.