I feel very awkward saying this, but... I'm a 22 year old virgin (in the more literal sense), but I've always avoided my vagina. To be honest, I've been a bit afraid of it. I used pads instead of tampons, even if they were messier, and got by with clitoral masturbation. I'm edging towards being sexually active now and that fear is starting to get in the way, so I'd like to ease myself into getting used to it and ultimately I'd like to break my hymen.
How much is it going to hurt? My boyfriend was fingering my clitoris a few days ago and dragged his finger *near* my vagina, not even in it, and it hurt to the point that I had to tell him to stay away from there, so I'm afraid. This is something I want to do on my own (I don't want to associate that pain with him). How should I do it? Quickly with a lot of pressure, like a jab? Or should I ease into it (I'm afraid I won't tear it)? Would it help to take a bath?
I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, but it's like the biggest question to me and I feel like I'm going into this blind. Any suggestions, insight, or experience would help me sooo much.
The first time I had sex there was no pain or bleeding, so it's not always true that it hurts. Just wanted to throw that out there for you! Anyway, back to your question.. I'm not sure why a finger *near* your vagina would hurt so much. Can you touch your own vulva with no problems? You should be able to... it's just a part of your body.
As to how you should do it... well, personally, I wouldn't forcibly jab myself with anything. That thought made me wince! You can use your fingers or a slim *****. I'd probably try a smooth plastic one and put some lubricant on it, then ease it in gently. It's not like the hymen is a hard wall that you have to plow through... it's more a stretchy piece of tissue. You could even do it over the course of a few days or a week, a little at a time.
You did say you are afraid of your vagina, so it's important to get comfortable with it and with touching yourself before you start having intercourse. Good luck! You'll do fine
It sounds like you need to talk to a doctor, who could break the hymen for you. But I am more concerned that you have such fear of pain. If you are really afraid when you have sex, it will make the muscles of the vagina tighten, which will make more pain for you and might even prevent his penis from entering or making it very difficult to enter. In order to have the penis enter, you have to relax and let the vagina relax and expand. I think you need to start fingering yourself to learn how the vagina feels. Start using tampons to get used to something being in the vagina. My wife's doctor recommended that she use candles before we married because she was so tight. Just relax. It may hurt some the first few times, but the pain will go away once the vagina becomes stretched to fit his penis.
Your post seems to indicate that you have never been to a gynecologist. At your age you need to be getting regular checkups, even if you are not yet sexually active.
Don't worry about going to the doc, they are professionals and have extra small instruments if needed. If you are thinking about having sex for the first time, you also need to get birth control squared away.
Thank you very much for your responses. It's true that I haven't been to a gynecologist because I've been afraid, but I'm starting to be less afraid in that area (now it's only the pain that scares me). I'll get a check up ASAP and try to get on birth control.
Can doctors cut that or break that for you? That's interesting. My sister said it "hurt like hell" her first time (she was sort of forced into it), but come to think of it, she didn't even have her hymen. I think I'll experiment soon because I agree, I do need to get used to it... I think it would help not only in the physical act of sex, but it might free my sexuality a bit too.
OMG Lysander - you sound EXACTLY like me (although I`m not really afraid of my vagina). I do have problems getting anything into it, and I think the best thing is to go to a doc and ask all these questions. I will do that soon.
when i first had sex it didnt hurt at all and didn't bleed and i dont even remember my hymen EVER breaking so i guess mine opened gradually... ?? well i would just try to work on this yourself so you don't have to worry about the doctor and stuff.. try something small like your pinky finger very gently little by little just to open the hymen more.. and maybe trying tampons will help?? use slim tampons.. i use them anyway and they are very comfortable. i would be scared to go to the doctor and have that done!! so just try yourself and do what is comfortable for YOU.. and if it hurts too bad you can always stop and try again later... good luck
Lysander, I can understand you being affraid..if you have never had intercourse... sure thats a scary thing! (for some women anyway) some big round object penetrating your vigina for the first time/ that is scary!....just be sure to let your partner know you are a vergin....he may be very gentil with you....and if you feel any pain just ask him to stop...your probably not ready to be penetrated...but don't worry it will come soon enough I'm sure...once you get over your fear and lots of forplay him useing a lube and you relaxed...these kind of things have a way of working themsefs out!....like another poster mention don't for get the bc..(birthcontrol)
It wouldn't surprise me at all if your hymen was already gone. So many things can cause that to tear away without even knowing it. The pain you are having could also be physcological. (where any of your friends, relatives, yourself raped, molested as a kid?) Relax, see a gyno, make sure you have no physical problems like cysts, tumors, etc then if everything checks out, perhaps see or talk to someone about your thoughts on sex and what you think "you're" supposed to get out of it. It sounds like there is something mentally going on you're not willing to share. Good luck, take care!
Hi, I just read your post and wanted to add. When I met my husband I was 21 and a virgin, I hadn't even let anyone touch me until I met him and knew we were going to be married and I knew I loved him and felt secure with him. I know this may sound old fashioned becaue a lot of people are sexually active now days just to have sex. When I first had sex, it did bleed afterwards and it did hurt some but not terribly. We didn't even use lubrication which I think probably would have helped what pain I did have. There was a lot of foreplay and that helped. But he was gentle with me and I felt safe and secure with him and I knew without a doubt that this was the person I wanted to do this with for my first time and that I felt completely relaxed and comfortable and really wanted what was happening between us. Relaxed, comfortable, and completely sure being my key words of mention here. Everybody has different experiences and different expectations when it comes to sex but this was mine and I hope that maybe something I said could help you.
I myself am having a similar "problem" with trying to get used to having something inside my vagina. I'm not sexually active currently, am still a virgin but am at a point where I want to be ready for when I do have sex with the one I love for the first time, that it won't hurt. I've been trying to insert a plastic vibe, and it's quite painful when I get about two inches in. I'm having other female problems, so this could be the reason. I just wanted to share my two cents. I'm not sure if Lysander, the original poster of this thread, is still having questions about the subject, but I just wanted to share with her that I'm in the same boat. My advice, if she you still need any Lysander, is that you start out slow, with a finger, then work your way up to two, then three, etc. Good luck!
the best advice i can give you is to relax when doing it for the first time, tell your boyfriend to insert it SLOWLY. If you relax your muscles will be more flexible and it will hurt less. it doesn't hurt that much , a headache hurts more remeber this is a natural process just relax and don't worry about it .. well worry about protection!