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Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration


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Old 01-19-2005, 12:41 PM   #1
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Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

My current GF and I have been seeing each other for three months and have been very sexually active. It is very easy for me to bring her to orgasm through clitoral stimulation either with my fingers or with my mouth and tongue. However, she doesn't seem to enjoy intercourse that much, which is my preferred way of having an orgasm. It is not uncomfortable for her, but I feel like she gets as much pleasure out of it as giving me a handjob. She engages in intercourse purely for my benefit, which is nice but I wish she could get something out of it as well.

Our sexual activity usually starts with my bringing her to orgasm first by stimulating her clitoris and then I enter her and we begin intercourse. If we flip over so she is on top, it is still me directing all of the action. I have tried stimulating her clitoris with my fingers or thumb when she is on top or we are in doggy style position, but this doesn't work as well as when I am not inside her. She says when we have intercourse she is focused on giving me pleasure and not trying to get off herself - I do enjoy intercourse with her and I do orgasm, but it would be much more exciting if she was getting pleasure out of it as well.

I know many women cannot achieve orgasm through intercourse, or at least through intercourse alone, but this is the first girlfriend I have had who seems to get nothing out of intercourse at all. I am confident that I have a solid track record of being a good lover, and in fact my girlfriend is satisfied with the way things are. I know I am the first boyfriend she has had who is skilled at clitoral stimualtion - she told me that no other guy had brought her to orgasm before. I am clearly the more experienced of the two of us. The thing is, my last girlfriend (as well as previous partners) loved being penetrated and this made the intercourse much more exciting and satisfying to me.

I love my girlfriend, but I am finding myself less than satisfied with our sex life for the reasons I have stated.

Any thoughts or suggestions? All feedback is welcome.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 01-19-2005 at 01:16 PM. Reason: Please use proper terminology.

 
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Old 01-19-2005, 12:56 PM   #2
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

You seem to know quite alot and you know how to handle this situation well.
I can also tell that you seem to know what you are doing and honest about it.
Women are all different, some only like intercourse and no clitoral stimilation, some only enjoy clitoral and some that enjoy both.

All I can say that she can't help it, you have obviously tried all of it and she knows what is enjoyable for her and what is not. You have to accept that fact. It is also good to know that she cares enough about you, to let you do this to her even though she gets nothing out of it. And you get her off as well. It sounds to me that it bothers you that she doesn't find intercourse enjoyable. But as long as she lets you do it and she doesn't hate it then it is all good and shouldnt be an issue.

 
Old 01-19-2005, 02:01 PM   #3
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

Pcantona, thanks for the thoughtful reply. I guess I have to accept our sex life as it is, and it is decent. I do love my girlfriend, but I just find myself yearning for the kind of intense physical connection that I have experienced with previous girlfriends. It just bums me out a little, because in most every other respect my girlfriend and I are a great match.

 
Old 01-19-2005, 02:12 PM   #4
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

Quote:
Originally Posted by pcantona
But as long as she lets you do it and she doesn't hate it then it is all good and shouldnt be an issue.
I think it's a pretty big issue. When you're making love to someone, part of the enjoyment is THEIR enjoyment.. I mean, really, would you rather have a partner who is laying there making grocery lists in their heads waiting for you to finish, or one who is screaming with delight? Personally, I'd be bored pretty fast with someone who is just "putting up with" intercourse. And what happens 10, 20 years down the line when they don't feel like putting up with it any more?

Truth Seeker, I don't think there is anything you can do to make your girlfriend like intercourse, that you haven't already tried. And since you are already discontent, I don't see this relationship working out in the long run.

 
Old 01-19-2005, 02:15 PM   #5
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

Quote:
Originally Posted by pcantona
But as long as she lets you do it and she doesn't hate it then it is all good and shouldnt be an issue.
But no one wants a partner who "lets" them have intercourse just to be nice--we want an active participant who thinks it is FANTASTIC and WONDERFUL and MINDBLOWING.

 
Old 01-19-2005, 03:05 PM   #6
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

Holly, if things don't change than I fear you may be right. Any women out there who enjoy intercourse now, but didn't use to? If so, please relate your story. Much appreciated.

 
Old 01-19-2005, 05:45 PM   #7
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

Quote:
Originally Posted by Truth Seeker
Holly, if things don't change than I fear you may be right. Any women out there who enjoy intercourse now, but didn't use to? If so, please relate your story. Much appreciated.

TruthSeeker,

It's great to hear that you want to solve this problem in your sex life with your gf. However are you solving it for you, her, or both? Um... if the sex is good but not what you want exactly, is that cause to end a relationship? Sometimes we are with people and it clicks! WOW! and if we are lucky we'll get that a lot. You said you prefer the feeling of penitration, she preffers oral or manual, well think of it from her point of view! How would it be if she thought that you must feel the same gratification from the same act that she preffers. Hm... she is trying to satisfy you, she is having intercoarse. And your doing great to satisfy her... so let's think a bit more on how to bring the two together before you throw away your relationship. As far as 20, 30 years from now.. by then you may have new sex problems to deal with ... remember some men do change with age!! Want her to walk then? Partner up so to speak and have fun trying to solve this one! That is if your relationship is worth holding on to. Talk to her about this too.. Doing something to please someone else is very different than putting up with it. If i knew my bf was going threw this i would want to work it out, and if it was me who was going threw this i would want to work it out. I can say that i have had sex with some bf's and it was the WOW, and others where it wasn't but good. Can i sugest flipping around your routine, can you try intercourse first then oral or manual stimulation for her. I only suggest this because my bf is great at manual stimulation so great in fact it's hard after that for me to experience the same rush, emotions and wow during intercourse after he has treated me! So when we start with the intercourse we are better connected. Also i had to learn how to partner with him during intercourse and it took a while, but then it just worked out. So now either way we go were set! Also you said that you were her first bf she has had an orgasim with, was that manual, oral or penitration? I hear from a lot of women that they have to learn how to have an orgasim. Myself i can testify that once you learn (or for me anyway) it comes easily! So practice practice practice! The best thing i could suggest and the last is talking to a sex expert so to speak, you've started here, now move on and learn all you can and have her do the same!
Good luck to you both!
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Missy

 
Old 01-20-2005, 07:29 AM   #8
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

Quote:
Originally Posted by HollyGoLightly
But no one wants a partner who "lets" them have intercourse just to be nice--we want an active participant who thinks it is FANTASTIC and WONDERFUL and MINDBLOWING.
I can't agree with you more. How ever life is not always like that. If he loves her, then he will put aside this fact. He will know himself it is too much of an issue for himself. Then that day he can make the decision to leave her.

My GF loves broccoli and I absolutely hate it. I still love her, I just don't eat it when she does and I accept the fact that she does. Sometimes minor flaws or small things like that has no impact on a realationship overall. If I in the future decide that my GF is disgusting because she eats it, then I will take that decision in the future

The fact is this. They both get orgasms and he is satisfying her thru stimulation and he is enjoying it. He just "wants" her to enjoy intercourse as well. Some men like anal sex and they can be with a girl that hates it, does that make their sexual relationship bad if they both can still satisfy themselves with normal intercourse? Nope.

Lets make an example. My GF loves giving oral sex, she loves it because she loves satisfying me and make me feel good. She doesn't get much out of doing it herself, because it is not like it tastes good or bad and it is not like it is stimulating her mouth sexually lol. Truthseekers GF gets nothing out of intercourse herself because she gets off on stimulation only. How ever she is not complaining because she knows that Truthseeker enjoys it and she probably loves that fact.

 
Old 01-20-2005, 07:43 AM   #9
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

Quote:
Originally Posted by pcantona
My GF loves broccoli and I absolutely hate it. I still love her, I just don't eat it when she does and I accept the fact that she does. Sometimes minor flaws or small things like that has no impact on a realationship overall. .
That's a poor analogy and you know it Your girlfriend's like of broccoli has nothing to do with the satisfaction YOU get out of eating, right? They're not related. On the other hand, TruthSeeker's satisfaction from intercourse DOES have everything to do with whether his girlfriend enjoys it or not.

Is it a "minor flaw" that your partner lays there like a dead fish during sex and is only putting up with it to please you? Only if you don't care about sex that much. And he obviously does, or he wouldn't have posted about the "problem" to begin with.

 
Old 01-20-2005, 08:01 AM   #10
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

Quote:
Originally Posted by HollyGoLightly
Is it a "minor flaw" that your partner lays there like a dead fish during sex and is only putting up with it to please you? Only if you don't care about sex that much. And he obviously does, or he wouldn't have posted about the "problem" to begin with.
Holly, you and I are probably misunderstanding each other. More what I wanted to say is that you can mentally enjoy things even though your body doesn't. Like in her case. Yeah ofcourse you would not want someone to just lay there like a dead cold fish. That would be pretty unispiring. But if she did that, then that would show him that she is of the opinion "oh I got my share, hurry up and finish" if that is the case then she is only selfish. And if she loves him, then she would enjoy intercourse atleast "mentally" or the fact that he is enjoying himself and she would get aroused and turned on of that fact. Even though her body can not produce an orgasm down there.

 
Old 01-20-2005, 08:33 AM   #11
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

Quote:
Originally Posted by pcantona
And if she loves him, then she would enjoy intercourse atleast "mentally" or the fact that he is enjoying himself and she would get aroused and turned on of that fact. Even though her body can not produce an orgasm down there.
He said (paraphrasing) that she doesn't enjoy intercourse, doesn't get anything out of it, and does it for his benefit. That's vastly different than not being able to climax from it (as most women can't, anyway). And just how long do you think "putting up with it" is going to last? Really... if she doesn't love it now, 10, 20 years down the road she is going to get awfully tired with "putting up with it" for his benefit and he'll be back on here complaining that his wife only "lets" him have intercourse once a month

I see what you're saying about enjoying it mentally, from the standpoint of enjoying the fact that she's pleasing him, even though she isn't getting anything out of it physically. But that's not the problem here, as I understand it. Truth Seeker WANTS her to enjoy it physically. He WANTS her reaction, as that fuels his own desire. HIS pleasure is diminished because he knows she isn't really enjoying it.

 
Old 01-20-2005, 03:08 PM   #12
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

you might try more forplay...I mean get her so hot she melts and begs you for it....I do this some times and my g/f usally enjoys it so much that she has her big O just 5 minutes into intercourse.....seems they appreciate it more that way?

 
Old 01-20-2005, 03:36 PM   #13
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

Quote:
Originally Posted by HollyGoLightly
I see what you're saying about enjoying it mentally, from the standpoint of enjoying the fact that she's pleasing him, even though she isn't getting anything out of it physically. But that's not the problem here, as I understand it. Truth Seeker WANTS her to enjoy it physically. He WANTS her reaction, as that fuels his own desire. HIS pleasure is diminished because he knows she isn't really enjoying it.
I think Holly is right on this.
My 2 cents also,
How many people post here that have been in a relationship for a really long time, and are dissatisfied with their partners sexual behavior? AND, guess what? Their partner was like this right from the get-go but they thought they could live with it or it might change.
I'm not saying dump her, but don't expect her to change. She probably won't, and it's up to you to decide what you can live with over the long run. Little things become big things over time.
Just go through and read other posts where someone is married, 10-15 years and they are dying for what their partner doesn't or won't do.

 
Old 01-20-2005, 03:55 PM   #14
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

Thanks for all the feedback.

Holly describes my dillemma perfectly in her last paragraph.

Chevyman, more foreplay? I bring her to orgasm through clitoral stimulation every time before we begin intercourse. I have tried just bringing her to the brink and then initiating intercourse, but I think this is just frustrating for her as intercourse does nothing for her to get her over the top.

Desertdweller, I think you are probably right in that she is unlikely to change, which leaves me with the question of whether I can live with the way things are over the longer term.

I will say that in my life I have had worse lovers, but more often I've had better. Since I know what is possible with what I have had with other women, it's hard to accept something less.

 
Old 01-20-2005, 04:28 PM   #15
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Re: Girlfriend Gets Nothing Out of Penetration

In re-reading my last post, I think I am being too harsh on my GF. I shouldn't say she is a "bad lover." We love each other and are both caring lovers who are attentive to each other's needs. I should just say that I've had more satisfying and exciting sex with other women, but this is not my GF's fault. The way her body is, she just derives little pleasure from penetration and doesn't get into intercourse the way many other women do. This just bums me out though and leaves me wishing that things could be different.

 
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