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Old 05-29-2005, 11:27 AM   #1
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WednesdaysChild HB User
Unhappy I'm Not Horny! At All!

I am a 25 year old female who is currently dating someone that I have been with for the past six months. It's an effort for me to even want to get funky once a week. I have little interest in sex even though i enjoy it when we actually do fool around. I rarely initiate anything, and if I do it is merely because I know he is unhappy with our sex life and so I feel obliged to instigate sexual activity.

I have so many other things in my life that preoccupy me that my sexual drive and even my relationship are at the bottom of my list. Anybody else feel this way?

How does someone go about changing this?

 
Old 05-30-2005, 10:14 AM   #2
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Marie79 HB User
Re: I'm Not Horny! At All!

It may be that you are not with the right person.

Are you really attracted to your boyfriend? Does he stimulate you mentally as well as physically?

There could be other issues in your relationship besides the physical part, it usually is. I have felt the way you're describing when I was with a guy who I considered more a friend than a boyfriend.

 
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Old 05-30-2005, 10:41 AM   #3
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littlejmb HB Userlittlejmb HB User
Re: I'm Not Horny! At All!

Wednesdayschild,

Are you on an antidepressant by any chance? They usually kill your sex drive. Or maybe your birth control pills may be the cause. Have you felt differently with other men? Just trying to get a feel of what is going on here...

As far as sex drive - try taking Ginkgo Biloba. I started taking it because I am on Lexapro and AD's like I said, affect sex drive and response. It is definitely working for me You might benefit from it too.

 
Old 05-30-2005, 02:27 PM   #4
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lyzni HB User
Re: I'm Not Horny! At All!

I feel the same way you do!! I do enjoy it once it's started, but I never ever want to initiate it. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but my gyno put me on another type of BC. I'm going to start it next month. We'll see how that goes! Don't worry about it though. Go see your doctor and talk about some options you have.

 
Old 05-30-2005, 03:21 PM   #5
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chevyman HB User
Re: I'm Not Horny! At All!

hi,
I think your just normal (baring medical hang-ups BC) and other factors that may decrease your sex drive!....you just have other prioritys going on in your life other than sexual ones... thats why when you do have sex it's good....I personally think your just normal....sometimes I worry bout all my bills and sex is the far from my mind!! ect,,ect,,,but when I do have it it's great!

 
Old 05-31-2005, 07:37 PM   #6
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ttdeford HB User
Re: I'm Not Horny! At All!

Desire is a huge issue for women! I do seminars on such topics. Desire will never come to you...you have to make an effort to get the desire. So many things affect it as we all know. If you have a hard time getting into the mood but are ok once your there I would suggest really finding out with yourself what it is that finally gets you there. Open communication is the best. Telling your partner that they need to please you this way and that way so you can get to where you need to be. Maybe a body massage, candles and music... do things to relax you. Only focus on you and feel every touch. Take time for yourself and him. It isn't easy and takes a lot of work in the beginning but is well worth it in the end.

 
Old 06-03-2005, 08:40 AM   #7
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WednesdaysChild HB User
Wink Re: I'm Not Horny! At All!

Wow!

Thanks for all the great responses. I was really happy to see that there are people out there who feel the same way as I do.

As for any medical possibilities affecting my libido, I recently started taking the pill again after a few years of being away from it. I can't really say that I see a big shift in my drive though. I wasn't very sexually driven prior to taking it either. I think if the pill is having an affect on me, it is a minimal one.

I am not taking any other sorts of medications either. i just really am not a horny person! It almost makes me feel guilty because my boyfriend has mentioned (a number of times) how ultra horny his ex girlfriend was and how she wanted it "all the time." I think that's a guilt-tactic he may be using to get me to be more interested in sex.

Marie, you bring up an interesting point when you ask about how attracted I am to him. He stimulates me both mentally and physically...but I find that sometimes we don't really hang out on the same wavelength in terms of our thinking, and *especially* in terms of our ambition. if there is anything about him that is a turn off to me, it is that he is not driven or ambitious at all. I have noticed that I feel almost angry or let down when he does something that displays that behavior, and I think you're right! That's something that makes me feel less attracted to him!

litthot, thanks for thew ginko advice. I'm going to try it for the summer and see if it works. how much do you take?

Again, thanks to all of you for your replies. I really was thinking I was abnormal for feeling this way. I am sure that my job is having an affect on my stress, and consequently my libido as well.

Maybe when i hit my thirties I'll be an uncontrollable sexual animal..haha!

 
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