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Old 06-20-2005, 11:17 AM   #1
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Scared to orgasm???

Hi. I'm a 28 year old male, and I've been with my 29 year old girlfriend for 3 years. We're expecting a baby in November. Everything is fine and dandy. Apart from one thing...

She's afraid to climax. She admits to have never had an orgasm. She has anxiety issues and is being treated with Paxil. Paxil in itself can cause inorgasmy, but in her case, she can get there, but stops right before. She can always reach that point when I fondle her with my fingers. Then, when it get's too intense, her legs snap shut and she holds it in. Even if I whisper to her to let it all go and to not be afraid, there's nothing I can do. She once told me that it feels like she's scared that she's going to pee.

I have brought her to this point hundreds of times, and every time it has been the same thing. I honestly feel like she will never have an orgasm in her lifetime. Even if she tells me that it still feels very good and that she doesn't mind if she doesn't orgasm, I still feel like she's missing a big part.

I can in no way comprehend the female orgasm, but is she missing a large part of it by stopping right before orgasm? Does anybody have any advice for us? Why is she so scared? Has anybody else ever gone through this?

Thank you so much.

 
Old 06-20-2005, 09:41 PM   #2
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Re: Scared to orgasm???

Yes, I have experienced this and am in the same boat. I have never climaxed, but want to eventually. I am not "afraid." I am more "hesitant." Yes, i have experienced this insane need to urinate that your wife is experiencing. I have also experienced the urgency to take a numba 2.

But more than this, the build up is so intense, my body gets so tight, and it becomes so difficult to breath, that I am hesitant to orgasm. The INTENSITY just builiding up to it (and remember, i've never experienced one so i am only assuming this is all building up to it), is so unbelievably good, IT IS CRAZY. it's like i can't handle it. I become irritable as the need to release grows, and yet the intensity is increasing as well.

Sex is still enjoyable, quite enjoyable, to say the least, though I know my peers who do experience climax insist that I am "missing out." I take joy in the fact that there is more to be experienced with the love of my life, but I will not fret over it. It will happen when I am ready, and certainly stressing out over it, as if it is the sole goal and prize of sex, will NOT make it any easier NOR as enjoyable as it can possibly be.

It is so good it becomes unbearable. I don't know if your gal and I are just supersensitive or what, because sometimes I even think that! "Nobody else could ever feel THIS intense, or people would be walking around nutso all the time!"

haha...hope this helps

 
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Old 06-20-2005, 09:43 PM   #3
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Re: Scared to orgasm???

another thing to note is that I am also on anti-depressants, dont know if that makes a difference.

 
Old 06-24-2005, 08:07 AM   #4
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Re: Scared to orgasm???

I too am in this situation.

I jsut can't let go. I've tried but i just have to make him stop. It makes me laugh, i can't help it but i think my b/f finds it frustrating for me!

I hope that one day i will get there and that it would have been worth the wait. I'm really looking forward to that day.

Don't think about it too much or let her worry about it or it may make it worse!

 
Old 06-24-2005, 08:53 AM   #5
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Re: Scared to orgasm???

Just wanted to add, I think "mentally" you have to be ready as well, in order to orgasm...Sometimes, fantasies, sexual memory visuals and relaxation can really help. I think we put tooooooo much pressure on ourselves and it makes it hard to orgasm., (mentally) so maybe, relaxing is the key, without any pressure.. Perhaps, a little vibrator practice can help relax you and get you closer to your goal....Sometimes, trying 'too hard" doesn't make it happen, you need to let it go and it will probably happen automatically. Hope this was helpful.....Peace & Happy trying, -shinyOrn

 
Old 06-24-2005, 11:24 PM   #6
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Re: Scared to orgasm???

Did I read correctly that she admits she has never had an orgasm? Does this mean even on her own?

It might be a losing battle if the Paxil is having it's usual effect (no orgasms), but I would seriously consider strongly encouraging her to try to masturbate to orgasm. I'm sure she's convinced herself she isn't missing anything, and I have no doubt she does enjoy everything you two do, but really, how would you like never being able to orgasm? Male and female orgasms are virtually identical (except for the obvious, of course) Both male and female bodies go through the same stages, and have the same muscle contractions at climax, etc... (On a side note, you'll get an interesting perspective if you read any posts by women who were orgasmic, but lost it as a result of the typical side effect of anti-depressant medication... they are extremely unhappy about it.)

Anyway, she is definitely missing something, and in keeping with the position that is stated so often on these boards: she has to learn how her body works if she's going to be able to make it work with you. My point is: make HER do it.

And if she's really worried about peeing, have her do it in the shower.
Good luck.

 
Old 06-26-2005, 06:59 PM   #7
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Re: Scared to orgasm???

Another thing, ...

Don't be too forceful. Be encouraging, and loving, and sweet about how you'd "love to send her over the edge like that." If you start comparing her to other women, or tell her how the bodies of other people work, she is likely to tell you to have those people and she is gonna leave your butt. If not that, you will just be decreasing her abilities to have orgasm and truly enjoy it, because she will see it as something she has to do for your acceptance.

I was with a guy who made me feel like absolute junky-doo about this, perhaps it was because of his own insecurities, worrying that he wasn't able to please me, but anyhow, obviously i never experienced it with him, and with his attitude being like that, it really took a toll on me and made me SUPER GRUMPY and want to avoid him and sex all together.

Criticism and negativity will not get you and your gal where you want to be. (I am not saying you did this, but i am just advising against it.) LOVE, LOVE, LOVE and clitorial stimulation are the way to go.

Good luck!

 
Old 06-28-2005, 07:38 PM   #8
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Re: Scared to orgasm???

It sounds to me like she is about to experience more than an orgasm, but what is known as the "female ejaculation" phenomenon. Women often report that the intensity level is far greater than a normal orgasm and they have a very strong urge to pee. If they allow themselves to reach the orgasm, they ejaculate in a very strong stream.

She seems to be experiencing the appropriate symptoms (lucky her). And lucky you, that you can do that to her. I hope she can get past it and enjoy it. Just be prepared and get out of the way if she ejaculates.

 
Old 07-05-2005, 08:12 AM   #9
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Re: Scared to orgasm???

Thisby, you wouldn't believe all the "toys" she has laying around in the drawer. Even by herself, she says that she cannot reach orgasm. However, maybe that isn't her goal when she masterbates.

Poohbearspal, that theory also crossed my mind. And I think you may very well be correct. Only time will tell.

I definitely don't try to force her to do anything she doesn't want. When she comes close and makes me stop, she sometimes begins to cry out of frustration. But then again, she sometimes cries out of joy while having intercourse (evan without an orgasm). So I guess it can't feel that bad. I can't imagine how good it would feel if she actually climaxed!

Thanks for all your help guys!

 
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