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Sexual Health - Women Message Board
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Old 08-28-2005, 10:57 AM   #1
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ravioli HB User
Unhappy problems enjoying sex after bad relationship

Hi everyone - I've been dating my current boyfriend for a year now, and while I occassionaly enjoy having sex with him, for the most part it's something I do just to keep him happy.

My last relationship was abusive, physically and emotionally, and I know that my partner told me a lot of lies, such as telling me that I was selfish in bed so I needed to do more for him and how much he hated pleasuring me, to guilt me into doing things in bed that I didn't want to do (specifically things that caused a great deal of physical and emotional pain, which, unfortunately, I was forced into doing).

In my current relationship, now, I have a lot of trouble getting aroused because I can't "get out of my head," so to speak, as I'm always worrying that what my ex said was true - that if I let my boyfriend do anything to make me feel good that I'm being selfish (as I result I almost never let him so much as touch me, but as I'm so worried already I'm never really aroused anyway) and I worry that he'll leave me if I ever allowed to him to pleasure me, for, as my ex said, how could he possibly ever enjoy it?

This, obviously, is a problem, as I really want to enjoy sex but am too terrified to, so I end up frustrated and ashamed. I can't even enjoy intercourse, where at least I know that he's enjoying it as I do, as he never lasts very long. I've tried pleasuring myself, but even that is hard after my last relationship.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated - my boyfriend is a wonderful person and I want to make this aspect of our relationship better as well.

 
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Old 08-28-2005, 11:54 AM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 152
Smoothie_Guy HB User
Re: problems enjoying sex after bad relationship

Have you talked to your bf about that last relationship? I know sometimes it is hard to tell about the past, but I think you should tell him about what the last guy did to you. You didn't really mention if he has said anything to you about your sex life, so I am going to guess it is OK with him. But if he does have any concerns that he hasn't addressed with you, your telling him what happened may open doors for you to feel better about your sex life, and answer his questions so he can help you and be more sensitive to your needs.

As a man, I have a hard time figuring out what is going through the minds of other men these days! A day doesn't go by when I don't shake my head in disbelief and disgust.

 
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