I've been together with my wife for over 20 years. As with most couples I guess the passion is starting to ebb after all this time and the sex has become less frequent and rather routine. How do I get my wife, who is pretty conservative, to try and spice things up with me? It's driving me nuts and my thoughts of having an affair are occupying way too much of my time.
How about you just surprise with a sexy new nighty and some candles. Then maybe a sex toy or something. Get a pretty scarf and think of how and where to use it Have either of you given the other a full body massage? They are heavenly and totally relaxes a person, which can lead to good stuff.
You know that she is conservative, just start out slow and if she is wondering what's up just tell her that you are wanting to add some spice to your relationship. She might be wanting the same thing, but doesn't want to bring up the subject. You 2 have been married for 20yrs, you should be able to talk about your marriage, and sex is a major part of that.
Last edited by Dani Girl 78; 11-11-2005 at 10:35 AM.
I've tried and it doesn't seem to work. Also in response to the lingerie response I have also tried that which she actually used to enjoy but now she has body issues and doesn't feel comfortable wearing sexy lingerie. Incidently she weighs less now than when we were married.
Can you just sit down with her, and talk about all of this? Just let her know everything you're feeling, and try to be open about it. If you've been married for 20 years, I'd hope you'd be able to freely comminucate with eachother.
And don't let lack of sex push you into an affair...you must love your wife to have stayed with her so long. As difficult as it is, just take the thoughts for what they are, and try to put it all in perspective.
Are you just in a mid life crisis or what??
What do you mean you want to put some spice back into it? is the passion all but burn out?
Maybe you just need to let her know that you want more out of the sexual intimacy with her?.. that your rather board but not meant to hurt her feelings and you think its hi time after 20 plus years you think it would be better to kinda spixe up yours and her sex life and try different things.
with regards to her feeling comfortable, that is where you can play a major part, a woman will feel how her partner makes her feel, i was with my ex for 5yrs and he never once saw me naked cause he make me feel lack in self confidence, with my new boyfriend i love it, its great and now i also experiment which i also never use to do. Maybe you should compliment her more, tell her how much you love her and how much you love her body, then once she has become a bit more comfortable you will probably find she will be more open to experimenting.
As for the thought of affair creeping into play in your mind, well, you have been with this lady for 20yrs i dont think this is a good enough reason to have an affair, remember your vows?? Fair enough sex is important but if you love your wife this thought should never cross your mind!
Temptation for an affair is always out there...and I don't think you would be human if the thought didn't cross your mind...the trick is not dwelling on it and going out of your way to avoid the "temptation"...and keeping your mind on your mate...again, sometimes I think sex is "talked" when it ought to be just done: like, "I want to try this, see what you think..." and do it...gently...ease into it...you might be surprised: your lady might have some moves she wants to try...but don't make any big speeches about "spicing things up"...that most likely would put her on the defensive. Just say you want to try a couple of things with her and see what she thinks kind of thing...start slow and gentle, nothing big and drastic...next time she's in the shower, join her...that kind of thing...Good luck...