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Old 04-17-2006, 12:03 PM   #1
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iranika HB User
my husband's scary request

well, not scary for everyone, but for me. He wants to have anal sex with me and I've been so scared of that all my life that I've always hesitated to let him do it. We've been married for 10 years and never had this sort of sex. He has never had it either, maybe that's why he thinks it should be great. He's not insisting but during the past 10 years, he's mentioned this like 4 or 5 times and every time I've rejected. Now wondering, is it that painful and bothering? Anyway to eliminate the pain? Any suggestions?

 
Old 04-17-2006, 12:28 PM   #2
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Re: my husband's scary request

Well, it should not be painful if he does takes it really slow, taking a few cinimeter of penis in it one at a time. The process should take anywhere from 5-20 mins depending on the comfortable level for each woman. Lubrication is a must. It is best for the first-timer women to be on their back with the pillow under their butt for reducation risk of any pain and easier acess as well. I would suggest your husband to read the guide on anal sex on websites, they are very helpful.

 
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Old 04-17-2006, 12:29 PM   #3
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Re: my husband's scary request

Quote:
Originally Posted by iranika
well, not scary for everyone, but for me. He wants to have anal sex with me and I've been so scared of that all my life that I've always hesitated to let him do it. We've been married for 10 years and never had this sort of sex. He has never had it either, maybe that's why he thinks it should be great. He's not insisting but during the past 10 years, he's mentioned this like 4 or 5 times and every time I've rejected. Now wondering, is it that painful and bothering? Anyway to eliminate the pain? Any suggestions?
Guess the pain would depend on his size and how lubricated you were.

I've never had it either and have never had the desire to try it.

 
Old 04-17-2006, 12:34 PM   #4
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Re: my husband's scary request

I would ask your husband how he can derive pleasure for something that inflicts pain on you. At least this is what my wife always says to me. I have personally never had anal sex, but I know my wife tried it (at least) once with her ex, because she told me so. She said it was very painful, and she never tried it again. I use to feel, since she is my wife, I should be the last one to have have anal sex with her...and she is willing, but she says "why would you want to hurt me?"...so I never tried.

 
Old 04-17-2006, 12:36 PM   #5
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Re: my husband's scary request

I've had it and it hurts like *****!!! My DH always wants me to do it as well and I say no way!

The way I see it is that the anal area is an exit, not an entrance!

If you plan to give in and try here is what you do, lubricate a lot, and your DH needs to go in very slowly one little half in an inch at a time.

Personally, I find it not very enjoyable and I think sex needs to be fun for both parties, not just one!

 
Old 04-17-2006, 02:40 PM   #6
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Re: my husband's scary request

Lubrication Lubrication Lubrication Lubrication.... did I say Lubrication?? That is Key!!! There are also lubrications that have numbing additives to them that help as well. Slow...carefull and relax...You know I think it takes guts for man OR woman to ask their partner for something sexually that they really do not know for certian how the other will react when asked. To tell them why would you want to hurt me??? I don't get it. When a simple no I don't want to would most likely do.

A glass of wine helps..but this is not a time to be drunk because being careful is a must. Yeah it's most likely gonna hurt until you both ( if your into really trying to make it work after the initial try anyway) figure out the best way to do it.

and don't let what you see in porn ( if you watch porn) make you think it's like that for real. Those women I swear are either on drugs or have done it so often it dosen't hurt anymore. Cause my gosh fast anal for long periods of time. No way..

it also helps to use a lubricated finger or two to start before actually moving onto the real thing. Also smaller type softer dildos help as well to atleast get the feeling if you want move on to the real thing or not as well.

One of the posters suggested lying on your back...I never liked it that way. Either from behind with you in control of it going in. Or even on top so you can go down little by little slowly than just hold a position and he can move.

Every once in awhile it's nice IMHO anyway..

Well.......Thats my 2... 3 and 4 cents worth!!

Oh yeah one more bit of advice. Never mix the back area with the front area. Either by finger, pleasure toy or penis. But thats pretty much common sense.

 
Old 04-17-2006, 02:41 PM   #7
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Re: my husband's scary request

My ex-bf and I had anal sex a few times. For me, it was actually quite enjoyable. It was my idea to try (like he would say no haha) even though he was larger than average and I was a little nervous about it at first. He used plenty of lube (astroglide) and went slow. I think as long as your partner takes his time and you let him know if you're comfortable/uncomfortable, it shouldn't be so bad. I personally don't like it when I'm on my back. From behind is much more comfortable.

Last edited by BostonGirl44; 04-17-2006 at 02:43 PM.

 
Old 04-18-2006, 07:43 AM   #8
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Re: my husband's scary request

A lot of people enjoy anal sex, both giving and receiving. The receiver must be properly prepared, with slow foreplay to relax both the anal sphincters. They must be given time to open up slowly. Lube is a must. Position does not matter so much. If the receiver is controlling the entry, the giver cannot get overexcited, and try and thrust in too soon, before the anus is willing. That is the only cause of pain I can think of, besides a hemorrhoid. Otherwise, the area is loaded with nerves, and feels good. What is going in is smaller than what goes out, so it is not a matter of stretching, it is a matter of relaxation. I know recipients who climax from it.

 
Old 04-18-2006, 06:55 PM   #9
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Re: my husband's scary request

It might be worth trying, but it would be best to work up to it. Try inserting something small, like a gloved finger that is well lubricated. Relax and you may enjoy it. He might even enjoy you doing it to him.

After getting comfortable with that, try it with his penis. Use lots of lube and go very slow. The goal the first time might not even be to get him in all the way, but maybe just the tip.

Some women can come to, if not enjoy, at least tolerate anal sex without undue discomfort, though the first time or two might be uncomfortable. In other words, just because it hurts the first time does not mean it will always hurt.

And, as was said, if his girth is larger, maybe more than 4.5" to 5", give or take, it might hurt regardless. This is one time when being smaller is better for a man!

 
Old 04-21-2006, 06:40 PM   #10
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Re: my husband's scary request

There is a lube I've used called anal eaze and it has a numbing ingredient in it so that you are well lubricated and it dulls any pain you might have. I too have tried with my husband becuase he wanted to try it with me. I use it now on special occasions. It is uncomfortable but try the anal eaze instead of regular lube. It can make all the difference.

 
Old 04-21-2006, 10:07 PM   #11
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Question

I have done anal with my hubby a few times (maybe 5), although if it were his way he would have at least once a week. The pain is not the problem with us because he got me used to his finger, and then 2 fingers, and as long as he went REALLY slow and used LOTS of lube I almost feel no pain at all. But my problem is that the whole time he is in there I just can't wait for him to finish because it allways makes me feel like I need to have a bowel movement.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 04-22-2006 at 08:14 AM. Reason: Off topic question removed. Please allow the original poster to have her question answered here. Thanks.

 
Old 04-22-2006, 02:12 AM   #12
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Re: my husband's scary request

Surprised no one has mentioned that the man should wear a condom when doing this. Don't want any infections, ya know!

 
Old 04-22-2006, 01:16 PM   #13
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Re: my husband's scary request

Just don't let him stick it back into your vagina after he tries the anal area without washing his wee-wee off. Otherwise you don't really need a condom. I will say this if you need to have a BM the next day it is kinda sore. But hey give it a shot, women have high pain tolerances anyway. You've got to keep your realtionship spiced up, otherwise it would become dulll and boring, the same ole routine. Hope this helps.
Holly

 
Old 04-23-2006, 01:58 PM   #14
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Re: my husband's scary request

I'm female. Anal sex doesn't hurt if you go very slowly and use lots of lube. If your husband is patient and slow, you'll be fine. If he's impatient and won't be gentle with you, it'll hurt a lot.

For me, it's very enjoyable when done right.

 
Old 04-27-2006, 01:13 PM   #15
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Re: my husband's scary request

Really? I'm seriously considering it now. I talked to one of my close friends who has anal with her BF on a regular basis and she told me I should give it a try and then told me about how they do it and etc. I feel like I want to do it now, but anyway, still a little scared after all.

 
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