ive been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years in january. We were in a long distance relationship up until may 2006 when he moved in me. We had sex before he moved in with me and everything seemed to be fine. After he moved in i seem to be really turned off by sex. I got on birthcontrol for cramps in june and in july i had kidney stones and i had to have surgery for that. After the kidney stones were over i just feel really turned off. If my boyfriend touches me i just start to say no get off of me and i have idea why i do that. I was going on the computer and i found porno i talked to him about it and he said well your not giving me much anymore. I get bored he says i need to entertain myself. The fact that he looks at porn and other girls just makes me turned off even more. he says he would never cheat on me. I mean im 110 pounds and i have an ok looking body. Im not sure what to do about it. Im just so turned off and i get so bored because it is the same thing everytime. It hurts when we try to have also. Maybe im just weird but im just really turned off by what he is doing.
Last edited by equinegirl; 09-12-2006 at 05:54 PM.
Oh, I agree it is definitely the pill aka "the libido zapper!" I used to be so turned on by my fiance and now that I am on the pill I would just rather watch tv or something lol! I am only on it because I am going to start ttc in December after my wedding and it is the most reliable form besides the iud which, for some reason, I don't feel really comfortable about. I can't wait until I want to have sex again!
I totally agree. Before I was on B/C pills, I was like a rabbit! Then after the pills I had totally no interest in sex. Once I got off of them, things got back to normal. I know it definately puts a strain on the relationship, and there are other forms of birth control out there that may be easier on the libido. They work different for everyone, so you might have to try a few before you find one that works OK for you. In the meantime, try switching things up a bit to keep it interesting.
I must be the odd one out. I've tried 4 different brands of BC pills and none of them killed my libido. The only difference the pills made to me was that one gave me migraines after about 8months, the next one swelled my breasts up so much that i was in chronic pain 24/7 and couldn't take my bra off, the other two gave me depressed moods where i'd easily feel sad all the time, but sex was never a problem.
One thing BC pills affect BIG time is your vitamin B groups, so anybody on these pills should be taking a daily multi B Vitamin. So try giving the BC pills and vitamin B a go for a while.
You said that before he moved in everything was fine, but after he moved in you didn't like him touching you. Believe it or not, guys can be sensitive to this and they sense when something isn't right in the bedroom. Could this be a case of you liking him when he wasn't there, but now that he is there he doesn't excite you quite as much? I don't understand why you wouldn't want him touching you and this is before your illness and before you found any porn.
It's understandable that when you go from a long distance relationship to being together 24/7 that things will settle physically to some degree. When it's long distance you are always on a high b/c you hardly see each other and you always want each other. When you finally get together you begin getting used to each other and you probably pick up on little things about each other that you aren't totally crazy about and they can affect the way you feel about each other and it can lead to issues in the bedroom.
Then you had your medical issues so it's understandable you wont feel like sex and he ought to understand this. Believe it or not, most guys will look at porn if they aren't getting any/much sex. It can be hard to understand, but females can masterbate without looking at porn, they simply feel horny and do what has to be done. No guy i have known ever works that way. They always need to be mentally stimulated to achieve their orgasm. I'd much rather my partner look at porn to achieve his orgasms than go trawling through bars and finding a real life person to get physical with.
I think the two of you really need to sit down and talk about things which are affecting you as a couple. Maybe prior to moving in together some of your thoughts maybe have been a little unrealistic, maybe you need to communicate about sexual needs, how you want it, when you want it etc etc. When getting together with someone new and living with them too it can be a bit rough first as you have a lot to get used to and the sex can take a while to fall into place.