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Old 11-15-2006, 10:01 PM   #1
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Unhappy No sex in years, and never again...?

"For better or worse...through health and sickness...."

*Sigh*

I'm a 38 year old, fairly attractive woman...married for almost 20 years, to a man who is 14 years older than me, suffers from Diabetes and erectile dysfunction.

Since my early 30's we seldom had intercourse and now, for the last 4 or more years, we haven't had sex at all. He also is not the kind of man that likes to cuddle....and asking him to do something for me, is out of the question, cause I know he won't enjoy it.

I have a very high sex drive ...even more so now than ever !!
It is that bad that I "have" to masturbate at least once or twice a day...and I feel extremly 'nervous' and irritable if I don't do at least that.

The problem also is that masturbating is alright, but I crave for the longest time the touch of a man. This alone isn't really satisfying to me, and I feel depressed and I sometimes cry, because I feel like a nun against my will, that has to live like this for the rest of my life.
I also will admit that I do desire other men....dream about other men. I just can't help it !

Now! I do Love my husband dearly..and want to stay with him.
But I don't know what to do about my unfulfilled sex life.


Not sure why I posted. I don't think there is a solution unless I leave him which I don't really want to do.

But I feel depressed, and writing it down finally makes me feel better for the moment. {I don't have anyone I could talk to about this issue. }

And I'm sorry this is so long.

Thanks for your time reading.
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Old 11-16-2006, 06:23 AM   #2
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Re: No sex in years, and never again...?

Oh you poor thing.

I have type 1 diabetes but am female, I do know that guys can suffer with their sex life because of diabetes, but I also know that there are products on the market that can help with that negative part of diabetes.

You say he doesn't even like to cuddle? is that really true, or do you think he is worried that you may expect more, and will be left feeling disappointed or even angry.

I guess that maybe he has lost an awful lot of confidence due to this, and also may be depressed.

I can relate to the high sex drive at your age, I am now 41 but when I hit 34 I realised that what they say about women being at their peek is so true.

I don't really know what the best advice to give here is, either you stay as you are, you leave, or he trys to fix things, which he can, and should at least try to keep you and to keep you happy. One suggestion I wouldn't recommend though is cheating, that is defenitely a no no.

You are still young, and you shouldn't have to give up on a sex life for the love of any man, if he doesn't at least try to fix things, maybe leaving would be a sensible idea. Your relationship would only change in so much as you wouldn't be living together, you can still love him, and continue being his best freind.

Have you any children?

 
Old 11-16-2006, 06:53 AM   #3
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Re: No sex in years, and never again...?

Well I'm right there with you. I'm 32. Husband is 17 years old than I am. He is also diabetic, high blood pressure and smokes. As time goes on, the sex gets less and less. Might happen once a month now. What is it going to be in a few more years?!! I know how you feel. I feel the exact same way!!!!

 
Old 11-17-2006, 12:49 AM   #4
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Re: No sex in years, and never again...?

deleted by poster

Last edited by comeonnow; 07-16-2008 at 01:33 AM. Reason: privacy

 
Old 11-17-2006, 08:19 AM   #5
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Re: No sex in years, and never again...?

AMEN!!!! Never would have thought mine would have ended up like this and I have only been married 4 years. He says he is to old. Bull!!! I know men his age or older and they want it all the time. He said I needed a toy. Ok fine, got some. But the toy can't give me everything I need. The touch, the feeling, the love of a man!

Quote:
Originally Posted by comeonnow
Yep, for better or worse and it looks like you got the worse end of it just like I did and the other poster. I never thought when I got married that my sex life would turn out to be so lousy and infrequent. It started out being every day but is now down to once or twice a month. I heard about this happening to couples but swore it would never happen in our marriage, but what do you do when your husband just doesn't want to do it nearly as often as you want to. Yeah, I guess we have two choices, stay or leave. For me, I can't afford to leave, and besides, I do love him even though sex is a big part of marriage to me and one of the few enjoyments I get out of life and now even that is practically nonexistant. My husband doesn't have diabetes though. He's been taking cholesterol and blood pressure medicine for about three years now. He's had a bit of an ED problem for at least five years. Since we don't have sex very often, it doesn't take him long to ejaculate, leaving me unsatisfied every time. I never have an orgasm with him and I've even asked him to do things for me so that I can also have one, but he only does it half-heartedly if at all (usually doesn't even do it). When he does, I think he gets impatient that it takes me more than five minutes, so then I'm upset because he's expecting miracles, so then I can't anyway. It's gotten to the point where I don't even care anymore if we have sex or not since, to put it bluntly, I feel used when we do. As the years have gone by, he seems to have lost his enthusiasm and gusto when it comes to having sex. I don't even bring it up anymore because his response is, "I'm not a machine." And I'm there thinking, "OMG, he thinks I'm asking for it too much if I even only approach him once a week!" Of course I feel bitter and resentful. I'm already not looking forward to the miserable years ahead. It makes me want to turn back the clock for sure. Heck, I've even wondered already if he's gay or bi! You hear about all these husbands whose wives don't want to have sex and here you and I are married to guys who seem to not care if they never have sex ever again. I've come to the conclusion that, as they say, life isn't fair. I don't know what the answer is to your dilemma or mine, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I've even considered having an affair (been thinking about it several years now) but never acted on it because I really don't like the idea of cheating. It's just that it would be so nice to feel loved and satisfied for a change, wouldn't it?!

 
Old 11-17-2006, 11:21 AM   #6
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Lightbulb Re: No sex in years, and never again...?

Hi Just new to the board, but in reading your post no where does it say you've talked to your husband about this. Maybe you could come up with a solution together?
Me I have no sex drive and feel very sorry for my partner who is very loving and kind and never pressures me. I sometimes feel he'd be better off with someone else. I'm pretty sure mine is stress, wishing it would get better but probably not until I do something about my self image (turning 40 next week, and 10lbs over weight). Don't know if any of this garble helps but talking with him might..no?
Sierra

 
Old 11-17-2006, 01:20 PM   #7
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Re: No sex in years, and never again...?

I personally have mixed feelings on this. I just don't feel a person should go through life being miserable for anyone's sake, just because they are married. It's the responsibility of both partners to ensure the stability of the relationship and to build on it - and to grow, not grow stagnant. If one or the other refuses to work towards a healing process when there are issues, then I feel the other has a right to step up and make themselves happy and walk away if necessary. Sorry, but that's just how I feel. They need to introduce therapy or some alternative, and communication, and if the other refuses help then they must take it upon themself to do something. Life is too short.

Last edited by TexanLady; 11-17-2006 at 01:22 PM.

 
Old 11-23-2006, 04:25 PM   #8
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Re: No sex in years, and never again...?

I remember I watched on TV that there are seminars that couples can go to revive their passion. People of all age have been going there, and they all were very happy about it.

So in the seminars they teach each side how to give pleasure to the partner.
And one of the sessions make the couples stare at each other for 20 mins....

I'm sorry for you women who are experiencing such things. i'm still 20, and I hope that I will make love to my wife at least 150 times a year till i die.

 
Old 11-25-2006, 05:27 PM   #9
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Re: No sex in years, and never again...?

No sex in Years....

I didn't realize there was a thread on this subject already. I just decided to start my own thread today - 60 & sexless marriage. I'm sure that the younger folks out there probably feel that at 60 years old, I shouldn't expect so much in this area. However, this has been a problem for many years. My husband and I are just about the same age. He, too was never a cuddler or one for foreplay. I take good care of myself, (size 8) I go to work, am active and have been told that I look 10 to 15 years younger than I am so it's not about letting myself go that has turned him off. He has high blood pressure and he blames the medication but his problem (ED) began even before he was on the meds. I often wonder if the tables were turned what his reaction would be. I'm always hearing about how the woman is the one who is "cold" and doesn't want to have sex after a certain age. I don't talk about it to anyone as I don't want to put my husband in a bad light. That's why I decided to join this thread. It sometimes helps to know there are others out there going through the same thing. Because you are a lot younger than I, I would certainly try to talk to your husband about how you feel and how it may affect your relationship in years to come if you don't try to address this problem. Believe me, it's not going to get better. I have built up so much resentment toward him over the years, that 3 years ago I moved into the guest room, and guess what? I don't think it bothered him at all. I think he was probably relieved. I feel as though I have been cheated and wasted a lot of good years on a man who has never appreciated a loving wife (who, by the way, gave him 3 beautiful children). I spent a lot of nights feeling lonely and rejected. I agree with the other reply that he may feel that if he showed you any sign of affection, you would expect more. (At your age, you have a right to expect more.) I think my husband had the same problem. However, I might not have built up so much resentment if he had been a little more loving, talked to me about it or tried to get help. It's a terrible thing to be single and feel lonely, but it's much worse to be married and feel lonely. I wonder how many other women like myself are out there and have just accepted this way of living. Women who took their vows seriously. Older men who are unable to perform need to realize that a hug and a kiss now and then can go a long way. Those with much younger wives, need to seek help; there's plenty out there these days. I hope you both will talk it over and be able to resolve the problem before it gets worse. Good Luck!

 
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