I have been feeling really down and I am in need of advice/opinion.
Sorry if this is too long but I really need to start from beginning.
I meet this really wonderful and amazing guy and I love him to death and I want to make him the happiest man in the world. We both have been thru alot. I have been with 1 man for 19 yrs married 15 of it and I divorced him. and I was single for almost 6 yrs. I went out with one guy from where I work and it turned out he only wanted me for sex so that ended before 6mo.
then a very good friend of mine wanted me to meet a friend of his and ever since we have been together. The moment I seen him I knew that he is the one I have been waiting for. I truely believe it now when people say You will know.
We have had amazing time together and sex was out of this world to me cause I have never thought sex could be so AMAZING. well 3 months ago He came down sick for 2 weeks and all the sudden I noticed he didn't want to have sex anymore so I let it go for a while and I couldn't help but to think that maybe he was getting it from some one else so I wasn't really too sure of how to approch it to him so I just asked him if he was and I felt really really bad asking him the way I did but I really needed to know.
Well that is when he told me he can't get him to work so we talked about the situation and I thought it was my fault for not being able to turn him on in any way possible. I did alot of researching on it and I did learn alittle from it but still get frustrated at times. He has been watching porn and all that stuff well still nothing happened. He says he can't get an Erection at all. he gets one in the mornings and as soon as he goes pee it is no longer erected. I know he gets one in the middle of the night cause he is going crazy in his sleep and the last few times I noticed that the moment I move he stops all together. well it really bothers me cause I can't get him to hold me cuddle up with me like he use to. I feel that he doesn't want to be near me in anyway. I couldn't help it that I have sexual urges. so I got to the point where I couldn't watch TV anymore cause I am in need of him to hold me and touch me and etc. I have asked him if I was to go to the doctors and see if they could give me something to kill my urges and he doesn't want me to.
I bought him a bottle of DHEA and he hasn't even touched them at all. so I feel that he isn't even trying to help the problem he is having. I know it is a very frusterating thing for any man to go thru but it doesn't have to stop everything. I even got rid of all my toys cause it just doesn't give me what I am really in need of. I am at the point I could careless if we ever have sex again I just need him himself. I have asked him if he ever has any urges at all and he never really answered that. I have noticed that when we are out and about he looks good and hard at every woman and that is starting to get to me also. at one time we was at his 2nd X's family and I noticed he was starting to get a bulge down there and he was watching this one girl. I may not be in perfect shape but he is really making me feel that I am the problem. even though he says I am perfect but he may be just saying that. I really do love him more than anything in this world an I have told him we must have the communications before we meet eachother. now I am the one who doesn't want to burden him with my problems cause I don't want to make things worse for him. I would love to take all his worries and stress from him so he could be happy. sometimes I wish it was me who didn't have sex urges than him cause I know deep down I would do everything in my power to make sure he is getting what he needs. I love him so much. We are planning on getting married it is just a matter on time/money.
With all my feelings I was wondering am I really worring over nothing and How do I get these feelings from getting to me?????? I get so mad at my self for letting these feelings get me down. I just hate it cause I know it will get to him soon and he does not deserve this from me. can anyone help me out here?????
From a male perspective, I don't think you are the problem at all. For him to have zero drive, not be able to maintain an erection and not even want to seek help for it tells me he's either a) very selfish, or b) cheating on you. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I don't see it any other way. He is not fulfilling your needs at all and doesn't seem to care about it right? You deserve to be treated right and when the sex just stopped, something happened and he doesn't want to do anything about it!
I personally would put him on the spot. Spill your heart out to him and tell him exacly how you feel like you did here. If he is still not willing to seek medical help, then tell him your needs are not being met and you want to leave him. If he doesn't act shocked or do everything possible to keep you, he wasn't worth it!
Has he visited a doctor to get thoroughly checked out? Is he on any medication at the moment? Is he in an age group where men are suffering from erectile disfunction?
Maybe there is something truly wrong and he only looks at these other women/porn as a way to see if he can get some form of an erection or hold an erection more than a few seconds. Even if he was faking his situation due to having an affair with someone else, he would still be having sex with you at least some of the time, so i doubt he is cheating on you. Cheaters don't want to get caught so they will carry on as per usual as much as possible at home and some get even more 'cuddly' due to the feeling of guilt.
There have been some other ladies who have posted about their husbands ED problems and their husbands have acted as the same way as yours is. They refuse to seek further help, they withdraw, they dont wish to cuddle their partners or be intimate in any other way with their partners. It's as though someone switched something off and they would rather ignore the problem than do anything about it. Maybe you should search this board further to read the old posts.
I think most men with this problem "switch off" out of shame and embarassment. It really, really, has nothing to do with you, he is experiencing what may be the worst thing that has ever happened to his self-esteem. Talk to him, but be very gentle, and let him know that you love him, you miss making love with him, and you will be there to help him, but he needs to see a doctor.