I have had piraformis syndrome (a form of sciatica) for 5-6 yrs. During the breakdown of my marraige I was experiencing what I know now was piraformis AND vaginismus. Did not know about the vaginismus until recently because we (me and my ex) didn't have sex for years. Now I have a boyfriend and have found that I have vaginismus. Could that have anything to do with the piraformis muscle? I have finally found a treatment that works (active release therapy) for the piraformis and now...boom.. this! I have to wait a month for an appt and until then all I have is the internet to try to investigate. I feel so depressed. Like I have lost my womanhood. Whe we broke up I swore I never wanted to have anything to do with men again and..now...I can't even though I want to. Life has been dealing me some lethal blows over the years. I don't know how to go on with this niggling in the back of my mind constantly. I am on anti depressants already so no help there. Such sadness. I am not a patient person, have never masturbated and really had no wish to. All I can see on the web is dilators and masturbation. I guess the real question is, are the two related? If we fix the piraformis will that fix the vaginismus? (I doubt it now as I'm nervous that it will happen again with sex. Any help? Tagger
I know absolutely nothing about piriformis so I won't even act like I do, but I do have vaginismus. I have been married for over a year and I am a virgin. I have feelings like you described- I feel like I am not a woman, and this affects every aspect of my life. It's extremely depressing and anxiety-causing. It's a terrible feeling to be unable to engage in the closest, most natural expression of love there is. It's part of being human. Every day I see sex and hear about sex, on billboards, in magazines, on the radio, in my friends' conversations, and I feel like I am two inches tall.
Unlike you I do masturbate, however when I do it it has nothing at all to do with my vagina. I never put anything inside, it's all ****-oriented. I actually have a very healthy sex life with my husband that contains oral sex, manual sex, mutual masturbation and other forms of reaching climax. I think this probably actually contributes to my vaginismus though because I am satisfied sexually and cannot fathom how anything could possibly feel good inside there. It's my emotional health that the vaginismus wrecks.
I'll give you what advice I can. For one, remember that vaginismus is a psychological condition. Your piriformis might affect it, but vaginismus fundamentally is the involuntary clamping shut of the vaginal walls due to anxiety surrounding penetration. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to worry about it, because worry makes it worse.
Do not be lax about going to the doctor. Especially since it takes a month. Also do not stop educating yourself. Read everything you can on vaginismus. Seeing a doctor for professional help and being enlightened will ease your anxiety, which is necessary for improving your condition. When I finally saw a gynecologist for the first time and was diagnosed with vaginismus, I cannot describe to you what an incredible load was lifted off my shoulders. I still feel the pain, anxiety, and depression but it's nothing compared to how terrible I felt before.
To my knowledge, dilators and psychotherapy are the only treatments available for vaginismus. Your doctor will either prescribe these things for you or refer you to a sex therapist. My gyno referred me to a sex therapist whom I have not made an appointment with yet, but she also gave me a home treatment plan- by myself, gradually insert objects of increasing size over time into my vagina, work up to being able to leave them in for ten minutes each. You don't have to masturbate, just get used to the feeling of something being inside. She said it doesn't matter if it takes weeks or months. Some people even take years to get better, but they do get better.
I started out with the smallest tampon available. Just the applicator. Just relaxed and put it in by myself until I got used to the feeling. My husband bought me a small vibrator a little less than an inch in diameter and that is where I'm at now. I can also get one finger in, but I prefer to use a solid object that can't bend. The last time I worked on it, I could even move the vibrator around, make a little friction, and it wasn't too uncomfortable. It's a tiny step but I am making progress.
A couple of tips just from me that your doctor probably won't tell you- I can't have the vibrator on when it's inside because that's just too weird for me right now, but massaging the surrounding area with the vibration really helps numb and relax the muscles. Also, now don't think I'm a lush, but being somewhat drunk helps as well. When I've had a few, in addition to feeling unusually horny and uninhibited, my muscles down there are also more relaxed and numb.
One more thing, disregard this if it grosses you out, but try watching home birth videos on a personal video upload site. For some reason to me, seeing a vagina in action subconsciously reinforces my faith in mine. I guess it assauges some of the "I am broken, I have no hole" mentality. Of course it might work the other way around and make you terrified of penetration, but it leave me in awe of what my body is capable of. I watched my sister in law give birth, and later that night I was able to insert two fingers, more than any other time before or since.
Also search for my post in this forum on vaginismus. I forget what it's called but it has many replies that might help you also.
I am anything but a bvrigin. was very sexually active in my tewnties and after when I became married. The reason I think it might be the piraformis muscle is that the "closure" of my vagina is quite a ways up, I can barely reach it with my fingers. But it is surely there! Physcologically it may have beeen towards the end of my marraige breakdown when my ex was having tantrums about not having sex and I would give in though it was raw and unpleasant (menopause I think) even with lube. Since I haven't had sex until now (5-6 years) I may have had viginismus all this time without even knowing it! Now I have a new sexual partner, very well endowed! I was really looking forward to having that inside me (my ex was very small) and up went the wall. I think he will be patient with me as I travel down this road.
FYI I would keep trying the treatment. It DOES feel good to have him inside you! A feeling of joining together and after sex, lying there with him still inside you is SO romantic. In my mind, keep it up and keep trying. I know I sure will having the experience of it in the past.
Thank you for your reply. I am really feeling dazed and confused and it's good to know there are people out there who care.
Then Tagger if you DO have vaginismus, you have what is called secondary vaginismus. I have primary. Women can develop secondary vaginismus after having a difficult childbirth, being abused, a physical condition like you have, or any number of things. I don't know how much different secondary vaginismus is, but now you have a term to aid in your searches for information.
Thanks for telling me that it does feel good to have him inside. The only reason now I ever really get discouraged is when I wonder if penetration will ever feel good, even if it is possible, and I wonder how we could possibly be any closer sexually than we are now.
I kind of knew I had secondary as I am anything but a virgin. (Though I have nerver had children through the birth canal, one adopted and one c section). I implore you to keep up with your dilators and any other treatments you have. No matter that we can have a satisfying sex life without penetration there is nothing like the climax after penetration and intercourse. At YOUR speed of course and after you are absolutely ready for it. I am not saying it as an obligatory thing, but for yourself and your loved one it is a icredibly loving sensation.
hi ladies! I just wanted all of you to know how much you've all helped me. I'm 21 and I have a great boyfreind who i've been with for over a year. i trust him very much but its hard for me to let him inside of me. Fingers inside of me freak me out and I just have this over all fear of anything in my "china" lol.
My boyfriend helped me get enough courage to go to the gyno, and so i did. I went in terrified and came out mortified. She was horrible and rough and didn't listen to a word i was saying. but she did say i have a tilted uterus and vaginismus ( not sure if the two are related). She hurt me so bad and didn't give me any info on vaginismus or how to treat it. she just said TRUST YOUR BOYFRIEND. So lately its really been getting to me b/c i want to be able to have "normal sex". I've been researching a lot and I see that a lot of people have it and i'm not alone which made me feel so much better. I wonder how many ppl suffer from this (any ideas?) and how many are treated? I'm thinking about getting the dilators....has anyone tried them, do they work? please let me know..you ladies have already helped me so so so much! thanks!
So here's the thing. I went out and bought a vibrator while waiting for the doc's appt. To my surprise, with astrglide, it went ALL the way in, no trouble there. Now, of course, I know it must be phsycological. Now, again, I am without a mate and can't even try my new plan which is to try using the vibrator and as I slide it out he would "slide in". It's frustrating that I don't have a sexual guinea pig though one of my best friends (a guy) has gallantly offered himself for the job, lol!
So......no dialators..no sex therapist..jut me and my *****. I guess I'll just keep practicing for the day when I DO need it. The vibrator does not stimulate me in any way. I've never been able to masturbate. No imagination? I don't know. And when I do (if ever) meet someone when and how do I tell him the rollercoaster ride he's in for? If I tell him right away I'm afraid he'll head for the hills!
Life is a journey, not a destination.
Hi tagger. I told my boyfriend before we had sex and he's been VERY patient for over a year now. We still attempt to have sex and sometimes it does work (usually when im drunk) ...I'm think i'm going to order the dilators this week. hey whatever works right!? I just wanna have "normal" sex! good luck to u
Jenn, FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR! It was NOT right for that one to have treated you that way and given you no advice or information regarding your condition. A good, kind, understanding physician can make worlds of difference in your vaginismus.
From what I remember reading, I believe something like 1% or 2% of women in the U.S. have dealt with vaginismus. I don't remember a percentage of success rate on it being treated, but everything I've read says that with treatment it is consistently cured. That the odds are extremely good.
I haven't tried the medical dilators, but my doctor's advice was to start out with different sized objects, starting with a slim tampon and working up to like different sized dildos. She said once you can get one size in, work up to leaving it in for ten minutes. It doesn't matter how many weeks it takes you. It does work when I apply myself, the only trouble is finding the dedication and self-confidence to keep working on it.
Tagger, I'd talk to a sex therapist about that one. Or a regular therapist. I have heard of women having no sensation or no pleasure down there no matter what they do, but honestly I've never had to deal with that so I don't know what to tell you.
thanks for replying whole grain! i was hoping u would. If you don't mind me asking how old are you? i'm 21 and i've always been curious about my body but never explored the vaginal side of things. I dont know if thats why i'm so afraid now or what. sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt. i just freaks me out. and now that i've been to the doctor from hell i'm even more scared b/c i have flashbacks of how she treated me (although maybe it was good b/c she did get the exam done and the pap) but she belittled me . I screamed when she shoved the speculum in there and she yelled at me " what are you two!? that is NOT neccesary" and then continued to tell me i BETTER use protection b/c " you don't know your gonna marry your boyfriend" ---fyi, that was 5 mins after i met the lady for the first time EVER! so needless to say i wont be goin back but i plan on working on the issue and probably getting the dilators. its scary and i'm so glad you all understand. i feel like im not alone anymore. I too, feel like less of a woman b/c of this problem...and its very heartbreaking and depressing and frusterating b/c no one understands that its a real problem. so anyway. thanks and keep in touch good luck with u all.[/FONT][/FONT]
Oh my god Jenn, I cannot believe that a doctor talked to you that way. Not only should you NEVER go back to her again, I think you should take some type of action against her. No one should ever be made to feel the way you did in her office. That was emotional abuse. I don't have any idea how you'd go about it because she isn't a waitress or clerk, it's not like you can just complain to her manager...but if I were you I'd look into how you can file something against her. Especially with your most private, vulnerable feelings and body parts...that is just disgusting that she did that to you.
Anyway! I'm 22. I pretty much relate totally to everything you said. My vagina freaks me out too! If this isn't too personal, may I ask if you have orgasms or if you engage in any other type of sexual activity besides penetration successfully?
hey whole grain, .anyway yes i can do other stuff, i let my bf do oral and manual to the clitoris but anything vaginal freaks me out. sometimes if im drinking we can have intercourse but it still freaks me out. i tried the small tampon last night and it worked...I guess ill keep doing that. oh and yes i can have an orgasm...but not a vaginal one...what about u?
Last edited by moderator2; 06-11-2007 at 01:42 PM.
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I wonder how many ppl suffer from this (any ideas?) and how many are treated? I'm thinking about getting the dilators....has anyone tried them, do they work? please let me know..you ladies have already helped me so so so much! thanks!
I have it (vaginismus), and it's a pain in the you know where, but I have stayed consistent with dilators for months now, and have sucessfully fitted in a 38mm width dilator, so I am ready for penetration. The whole process has taken a while, requiring a lot of patience, and many times it hurt like heck, but I am very much relieved that I stuck with it and am ready for full blown sex.
Last edited by Misnomer2773; 06-11-2007 at 01:42 PM.
Hm Love was just curious. I'm pretty much the same- we actually have a very healthy, frequent sex life that contains oral and manual stimulation and lots of other things, just not penetration. I'm a virgin.
Misnomer, congratulations! And thanks for the inspiration.