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Old 04-27-2007, 11:20 PM   #1
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I feel used and dirty and usually cry after sex with my husband

I've only been married less then one year and my husband and I are both in our twenties. Our sex life has only gotten worse in the short time we've been married. I have started to dread having sex because I always feel dirty and used afterwards. I don't know how to tell him this since I know how insecure it could make him and how defensive he can get. I've gotten to the point where I just don't want sex AT ALL!

Since the last time my husband and I had sex the situation has become worse. We did something that I wasn't comfortable with but I didn't say anything because I knew he wanted to do it. Now I'm very uncomfortable around him. The thought of sex makes me cry and I don't want to do, say, or wear anything that may make him think about and want sex. I don't want him to touch me in any kind of sexual way.

I know this is probably something I should talk to him about but I don't know how to. How do I move past the point I'm at now and start feeling good about sex?

 
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Old 04-28-2007, 12:33 AM   #2
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Re: I feel used and dirty and usually cry after sex with my husband

This may be too personal...but have you ever had sexual abuse in your history?

What you are describing is sometimes an after-thought of those who have been sexually abused in the past.

It's also something that people who were brought up strictly sometimes feel. If a person's parents take the approach of having "the talk" with their children and say things like "sex is dirty" or "sex is wrong" then it sometimes manifests itself in a feeling of being "unclean" even during marital sex.

I highly recommend counseling. It sounds like you have deeply rooted feelings and I don't know that simply talking to your husband will work things out. I understand that while you can say over and over "It's not your fault, it's me," that people still take things personally. Counseling would be able to take out that "personal" feeling. I would suggest going to counseling by yourself first, and then your counselor can make the decision whether or not you should continue with your husband.

 
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Old 04-28-2007, 06:44 PM   #3
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Re: I feel used and dirty and usually cry after sex with my husband

I second the counseling advice.

 
Old 04-28-2007, 08:12 PM   #4
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Re: I feel used and dirty and usually cry after sex with my husband

Flamingo-

I third, on the counseling. I was sexually abused for years as young child until my teen years. Ironically, I grew up in a strict Catholic household, go figure. I was also date raped when I was 17 by my supposed 'boyfriend' at the time. The child sexual abuse I suffered over the years, though, had the most profound effect on all aspects of my life, not just sexually. You may not have been abused. However, you should definitely seek help as it's obviously putting a strain on you and your marriage.

Last edited by kittywitty; 04-28-2007 at 08:13 PM.

 
Old 04-28-2007, 09:58 PM   #5
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Re: I feel used and dirty and usually cry after sex with my husband

Thank you for the advice. I can't really talk to anyone I know about this so maybe counseling would be a good idea. I've never had counseling for anything and the thought of talking to a stranger about this sort of thing does sound a bit uncomfortable but maybe its something I'm just going to have to make myself do.

 
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