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Old 07-20-2007, 12:33 AM   #1
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Fiance can not orgasm

Hello,

I am just wondering if I can get some help or suggestions to this problem. I have been with my fiance for 4 years now and she can not orgasm. Not through oral, hands, toys or by her masturbating. She told me she did once when she was young from oral and once after having a kid by oral. She is 27 years old and only able to orgasm twice in her life and not even able to make herself orgasm. It is really getting to her so I am trying to see if I can get some answers to why this might be or suggestions of what we can do to help with this. Or if there is sometype of specialist to talk to. Any type of help will work. Really gets me because I can orgasm but then she cant no matter what I try or what she trys. Please, any input is much appreciated.Thank you in advance.

 
Old 07-20-2007, 07:46 AM   #2
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Re: Fiance can not orgasm

Has she tried using a vibrator?

 
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Old 07-20-2007, 08:36 AM   #3
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Re: Fiance can not orgasm

Yes she has tried many different toys. Tried all the foreplay you could ever try. Pretty much we have tried everything we can think of. Like I said she has had an orgasm twice once when she was you and once after having a child both I believe from oral. But since her last orgasm it has been around 7 years and it is really bothering her to the point where she dont really care to have sex or not anymore. So we are trying to get this figured out so she can enjoy it.

 
Old 07-20-2007, 07:22 PM   #4
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Re: Fiance can not orgasm

I am experiencing the same thing with my husband. It is all in the package. I am not being pleased and I love my husband, but he cannot fulfilment my need. I do not feel anything and it makes you not want to have sex. I know you love her. My husband loves me, but physically we are not compartiable.
If you marry this her and she knows that you cannot please her, she will be have a lot of unhappy nights. So I hope you guys really talk about this. Afer four years and she has not reached an orgrams...I have been married for 6 years and have never come. Even while we dated it good, but never fireworks.

 
Old 07-20-2007, 10:05 PM   #5
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Re: Fiance can not orgasm

No it is not just me. She has only gotten one orgasm from a guy from oral when she was a teen and one other one from a guy after she had a kid from oral. She has had more partners then just those two and myself. She can not make herself orgasm when she masterbates either. That is what we are trying to figure out and fix. She wants to have the big O.

Last edited by chadowamsley; 07-21-2007 at 10:26 AM. Reason: Use proper terminology only. Thanks.

 
Old 07-21-2007, 08:55 AM   #6
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Re: Fiance can not orgasm

"If you marry this her and she knows that you cannot please her, she will be have a lot of unhappy nights"

i'd have to disagree. They wouldn't still be together after 4 years if she was having so many unhappy nights.

You said you've tried everything..Have you tried watching porn.. I was messing aroundo nt he net the other day and after watching some erm"stuff" i actually made myself O for the first time and i think because my mind was in it if that makes sense.

To the OP, i myself am having problems having an O.But that doesn't mean that i don't enjoy the nights we have.It just one of those things. You'll get there in the end..hopefully!!

Last edited by emma j; 07-21-2007 at 09:09 AM.

 
Old 07-21-2007, 10:25 AM   #7
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Re: Fiance can not orgasm

Yes we have tried watching porn and still dont do it. I mean its not just me this has happened with it has happened with most of her partners and even by herself she can not make herself orgasm. That is why she is wondering if there could be something in her head or something else that dont allow her to even get herself to orgasm. She didnt know if there was a specialist she could talk to to maybe help her try stuff to get her able to orgasm at least when she is masturbating. It really bugs her that she can not even make herself orgasm. She really wants to try to find the answer or get it worked out with a specialist if there is one for this type of problem but I wouldnt know what type to talk to for this problem.

 
Old 07-22-2007, 04:20 AM   #8
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Re: Fiance can not orgasm

Personally i wouldn't have a clue what kind of specialist you would go do..Maybe you might find some answers on the net.

I know how she must be feeling..Its very frustrating when your trying and nothing happens. i was getting really annoyed that i couldn't O but i can at least do it by myself or with toys..

Good luck and keep us updated..

 
Old 07-22-2007, 08:04 AM   #9
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Re: Fiance can not orgasm

Testosterone is the sex drive & desire hormone for men & women.

BC pills with too much estrogen can kill the sex drive. It makes the E:T ratio too high.

SSRI anti-depression pills can kill the sex drive & pleasure for months after you quit taking them. They mess up the E:T ratio for women & the T:E2 ratio for men.


She can change to a lower dose estrogen BC pill or get the doctor to write a prescription for a 5% testosterone cream to rub on her clitoris 1/2 hour to 4 hours before sex. It will increase the desire & pleasure.

Last edited by JinL; 07-23-2007 at 04:25 AM.

 
Old 07-23-2007, 07:08 AM   #10
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Re: Fiance can not orgasm

I like almost all women have a very hard time having an orgasim. Went to a toy store with my bf and got these little vibrating eggs for my ****. They are wonderful, But the batteries have to be fresh. If she cant O this way, maybe it is estregen. But these are the best investment I have ever made. I never had an O through regular sex, I believe I can, But it takes me a long time to get really worked up, I tire my bf out. With the eggs (silver Bullets) I do. . Try them and see if they may help.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-23-2007 at 07:19 AM. Reason: TMI, how to.

 
Old 07-23-2007, 12:42 PM   #11
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Re: Fiance can not orgasm

Yes we have silver bullets or those little silver eggs. She still cant orgasm through those. You would think she would be able to make herself orgasm but she cant. During sex we use toys also and the eggs mostly to keep vibrations going on her **** during intercourse but nothing. She says its the way she has always been and not just with me. If its an estrogen problem how is that fixed or who can you talk to about that?

 
Old 07-25-2007, 10:10 AM   #12
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Re: Fiance can not orgasm

I wouldnt be so quick to assume that giving her a pill or slapping on some magic cream to "fix" her orgasm "problem" is a sufficient answer. Sex is waaay more complex than that.

I would suggest for her to speak with a sex therapist, to discuss sexual dysfunction. I hate thinking of any woman as "sexually dysfunctional" (who defines that anyways????) but there may be some aspects of this issue that arent being addressed. True, some times there is a physical reason for lack of orgasm, but for women their mental state has SOOO much to do with being able to orgasm.

To me it sounds like she (and others...?) put a lot of pressure and importance on her ability (or inability) to orgasm. Any ounce of pressure during sex/masturbation can KILL a girls sexual flow!! When an orgasm is seen as the whole purpose for sex or masturbation, your missing out on all the subtle, awesome aspects of the activity. Over the years she may have learned to see herself as dysfunctional, or flawed in some way for not being able to orgasm. This can play like an annoying tape recorder in a womans head during the act.... ("I want to orgasm, he wants to see me orgasm, nothing matters unless I orgasm, WHY cant I orgasm?!?! Damn it, ORGASM already!!!") This can TOTALLY kill the experience.

Dont pressure her. Let her know how much you enjoy every second of sex with her, not just the orgasm-- hers or yours. Take things slow once in awhile, switch it up during sex and foreplay, and definately dont just attack her **** like your life depends on it during oral!!! (HATE that. Trust me--it goes numb after awhile...grrrr) Oral sex should NOT be a means to an end!! Let her know how much you want her, how turned on you get by seeing her enjoying herself....thats HOT. Hopefully, when the pressure and anxiety surrounding her orgasms dissipates, she'll be able to let her mind wander elsewhere with you and by herself....and before you know it she just might be finding her body's hidden ability to orgasm once again!

Last edited by marielle1984; 07-25-2007 at 10:11 AM.

 
Old 07-25-2007, 11:35 AM   #13
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Re: Fiance can not orgasm

Thank You for that input. That is what I was looking for somebody we could talk with rather then just pumping drugs into her system. Seems like I would have thought of a sex therapist but that never popped in to our heads. We just kept thinking doctors and didnt think doctors was the people we needed to speak with. I will relay that information on to her and thank you again.

 
Old 05-21-2010, 05:22 PM   #14
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Re: Fiance can not orgasm

I agree with Marielle's comment. The largest erogenous zone is the mind, and if it is not in the right place then it can be difficult or impossible to reach orgasm. I have known some females who have this problem and I myself have also had this problem when I am very stressed out.

I was with one girlfriend for a while who could not reach orgasm for the beginning period of our relationship. It wasn't until about six months in until she was able to. Initially I had expressed that I was upset that I couldn't bring her to orgasm (even though she hadn't been able to reach orgasm previously) and this added more pressure for her to try and reach orgasm...but only made the problem worse. Eventually, she was able to reach orgasm by relaxing more (I kept assuring her that it wasn't so important to me, as long as she was enjoying it) and also be increasing her clitoral stimulation during intercourse with a vibrator.

Another suggestion is to increase the time of your foreplay. Make sure that she is well aroused from foreplay. Communicate with her on how hard/soft to stimulate her based on what she likes. Some women can be come easily overstimulated, preventing them from reaching orgasm, while some require a more intense pressure. It may be the case that she requires only very light touches on her clitoris.

I hope that this is helpful.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 05-21-2010 at 09:02 PM. Reason: How-to deleted. Please read the Special Rules sticky and also please do not revive old threads. Thanks.

 
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