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Old 08-10-2007, 11:48 PM   #1
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I have absolutely NO sex drive! I NEVER want sex.

I've been sexually active for five years and I've never had a single desire to have sex. Any kind of sex. Giving or receiving oral sex. My fiance has a normal sex drive but because I never want to do it, it seems like it's excessive. I appease him once in a great while so he won't leave me. He says if we don't have sex then he'll leave me. That strikes me as an ultimatum. Even though I consent to sex, I make it clear that I still don't want to have it. Should I give in to my fiance's "needs"?

 
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Old 08-11-2007, 12:12 AM   #2
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Re: I have absolutely NO sex drive! I NEVER want sex.

In my humble opinion, your fiance isn't being very sensitive, is he? I know sex is a factor in a relationship, but not the main factor. Sex should be secondary, as love and such should always be first. If your finance truly loves and respects you, he wouldn't be putting so much emphasis on sex and he wouldn't be using it as an ultimatum. To me, he's coming across as selfish.

As for your lack of drive, not much I can say there, because my drive is pretty close to non-existent. It could just be a hormonal problem...well, that's what I've been seeing so far since I've frequented this board.

 
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Old 08-11-2007, 10:05 AM   #3
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Re: I have absolutely NO sex drive! I NEVER want sex.

It may be an ultimatum, but sometimes they are necessary. Say a couple wants to get married. One says they will never have children, one says they must have children. Eventually, one of them is going to say to the other, pick your position, unless one of us caves, it's over.

For some people, entering into a sexless marriage is not an option. It may seem selfish to someone with a low or non-existant sex drive, it but seems perfectly normal to others.

If your finace is a normal healthy male with a normal healthy sex drive, expecting him to not have sex with his wife can be seen as just as selfish.

IMO, since having sex and sexual urges is normal, you should be trying to figure out what's causing your lack of interest so you can fix the problem, not how to dig your heels in and fight your position. I know it's tough if you just don't have the urge, but that is the problem, his having one isn't.

(Granted, sex drives change over the years, but you two are entering into your marriage, not winding down after 50 years.)

 
Old 08-11-2007, 11:01 AM   #4
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Re: I have absolutely NO sex drive! I NEVER want sex.

Maybe the two of them could meet somewhere in the middle.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 08-11-2007 at 03:08 PM. Reason: Please do not argue on behalf of the OP, the OP can respond for herself. Thanks.

 
Old 08-12-2007, 06:53 AM   #5
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Re: I have absolutely NO sex drive! I NEVER want sex.

If you want to have sexual feelings ask your gyno for a prescription for a compounded 5% testosterone cream.
Rub a small amount on your clitotus about a 1/2 hour to 4 hours before sex. It will give you the sexual sesire & pleasure you need.

 
Old 08-21-2007, 07:37 AM   #6
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Re: I have absolutely NO sex drive! I NEVER want sex.

Maybe you are asexual. There are a very small percentage of people who simply have no interest in sex and they have this label. I think you should find out more about this and see if it could possibly apply to you, especially before you get married.

Most people with normal sex drives consider sex to be an integral part of a relationship. I know I would leave my husband if he didn't have sex with me so I understand where your fiance is coming from.

 
Old 08-29-2007, 10:24 AM   #7
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Re: I have absolutely NO sex drive! I NEVER want sex.

I understand what you're going through because I'm married 19 years and have no sex drive what-so-ever! I am extremely troubled. Especially because I cannot please him. I want to give you good advice. I don't think you should marry him. He will leave you anyway maybe even after you have a child. What that child would go thru wouldn't be fair would it? You either need to do that (in my opinion ) or make a clear choice, forever. It's a tough one, but if you want him you need to never, never, never tell him what you're telling him again. NEVER, I cannot be more clearer than that. Fake it, and make the choice that this is your decision forever with him that you cannot feel sorry for yourself, or be feeling that he doesn't care, or recent him because you've made this huge decision and after you're married it isn't fair or right to renig. You could also not marry him and work on it through seeing various doctors. I think, however, that someone giving me an ultimatum like this one would send me packing in seconds. Wouldn't it be much better if you've got this problem for a long time that you were married to someone who wanted you anyway and either was willing to wait for you or marry you anyway and both of you work on it. He doesn't sound like a forever kind of guy. Is this really what you want?

 
Old 08-29-2007, 10:29 AM   #8
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Re: I have absolutely NO sex drive! I NEVER want sex.

Quote:
Originally Posted by covered_in_cake View Post
I've been sexually active for five years and I've never had a single desire to have sex. Any kind of sex. Giving or receiving oral sex. My fiance has a normal sex drive but because I never want to do it, it seems like it's excessive. I appease him once in a great while so he won't leave me. He says if we don't have sex then he'll leave me. That strikes me as an ultimatum. Even though I consent to sex, I make it clear that I still don't want to have it. Should I give in to my fiance's "needs"?

why bother getting married?
you act like you're being imposed upon.....
sex is a normal part of a relationship and if you don't have any desire and you just have sex to "appease" your partner, this relationship is not going to last.....
save yourself some money and some aggrivation, don't get married.

 
Old 08-29-2007, 06:22 PM   #9
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Re: I have absolutely NO sex drive! I NEVER want sex.

go have a hormone panal done, I'm a man and I have had my testerone level go very low and the idea of sex was sicking, conversly I have had very high levels and my sex drive was borderline out of control-to the point it was irratating and distracting.

There isnt a man alive with a normal sex drive that will not at some point find sex somewhere, relationships arnt just based on love, its a nice thought but not realistic.

Applying testerone topically is a good delivery method for females because they need very small doses to have any effects, it does however take 7-10 days for it to work, so appling it topically to your vagina an hour before sex is useless and an urban legend, also you must be very careful useing it, it can cause your **** to grow and your vocal chords to lengthen and change your voice if you use to much both od these side effects are irreversable, there can also be a bit of hair growth too. But dont let these side affects scare you because having low levels can be bad as well, go to the doctor now. Start with a very consertative dose and there is little risk, you have to do another hormone panel after 3-4 weeks of usingthe cream, it takes a few times to find the correct dose, but NEVER try more.

Last edited by Vegas74; 08-30-2007 at 02:05 AM.

 
Old 08-31-2007, 05:10 PM   #10
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Re: I have absolutely NO sex drive! I NEVER want sex.

Maybe it's your birth control pills (if you're on any).

Last edited by kimjunebug; 09-30-2007 at 06:21 PM.

 
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