I'm 25 Now And A Baby Of 3 Months Old. I Started Masturbating When I Was Only 6 Years Old And I Always Did It Thinking Of Children Being Hit By Their Parents Or Carers. As I Grew Older I Also Started Thinking Or Women Being Raped. I Am Never In This Thoughts, I Always Imagine Other People And I Picture Them In My Mind. I Told My Boyfriend About This When I Was Pregnant And He Got Worried And Recorded Me Telling Him On His Mobile And Then Showed It To Social Services. Now Social Services Are Worried For Me And My Baby And I Tell Them That I Love My Child And I Never Want To Hurt Him Or Anything And They Want Me To Go Counceling. How Can I Tell Them I'm Not Sick?? That They Are Only Sexual Fantasies I've Been Thinking Of For 20 Years??? Anyone Else With Weird Sexual Fantasies??? Thanks
This post is different than another one of your posts where you admit you have thoughts of hurting your child. I don't think you are being honest with us or yourself by posting different details on two different boards yet hoping to get helpful answers when you aren't telling us the whole story.
Anyway, after reading this post and the one the OCD board, I don't think you are going to be able to convince social services to just go away just by telling them you are fine. You will need to see a councellor and you will have to show them they have nothing to be concerned about.
And this is just my opinion, but I do think getting sexually aroused by children and women being hurt is questionable and that it is something that you would want to talk to someone about. I realize you aren't actually doing it, just fantasizing about it, but I can understand why your bf is concerned, especially when you mix it with your other post.
Thisby I so agree about the children part but the other can easily be explained as her being BDSM(minus the B) curious or just straight up DSM. That can be such a touchy area since so few people actually understand it. Those that understand dont tend to speak up since it can lead to issues like this.
The child part is concerning though. With BDSM it is consenting adults in those situations.
No I havent read the other posts but will shortly.
Since you do fantasize about children being hurt I can understand your bf's concern. And him involving Social Services. He is looking out for you and your child's welfare even if you dont see it that way. Try to step back and look at it from his view.
The best thing to do is to listen to those trying to help you. Seeking otu help from a therapist/counselor might show Social Services you are not a danger to your child.
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
hi there and thanks for your messages. I posted two different messages because there two different things happening to me:
1) the OCD one is when I have INTRUSIVE thoughts or harming my child, myself, my boyfriend and even people I see in the street. I don't like these thoughts but I manage them pretty well and I don't repeat them in my mind, as soon as they come, I delete them and I have a normal life.
the one about my sexual fantasies where I decide these thoughts. I picture them, I imagine the people and I get turn on by them. I like these fantasies and I really enjoy when I masturbate thinking of them. They are not intrusive thoughts, no,,,I think of them and I picture them in my mind to get sexually aroused,,,
The social services are worried about the sexual fantasies one, because my boyfriend showed them my recording talking about just this one. But with both of my intrusive thoughts and my sexual fantasies, I have a normal life. I'm not depressed, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't take any drugs and I play and talk to my child and I really love him and take good care of him. Before I became pregnant I worked as a carer for elderly, mentally and physically disabled people and I loved it. I'm also a vegan as I concern about animals rights and injustice in the world and once my baby is older I would like to do volunteering to help people and go back to work as a carer. That's why I know I'm ok and I'm a good person. I hope you understand me know.
I also have to say that my boyfriend suffers from schizophrenia and I accept him with his illness and delusions, voices and hallucinations when he relapses,,,why doesn't he accept me with my fantasies since I'm hurting no-one??
Hi InLove, thank you for explaining things more. The differences between the two types of thoughts you have are important, but I still think you would benefit from seeing a councellor, and since you have to now anyway, you had might as well make the best of it. The only other thing I'm still confused about is that your other thread, you said it was your intrusive thoughts that your bf recorded and played to Social Services, but here you say it was your sexual thoughts. Not that it makes a big difference really. Althought it would probably make a difference to the authorities that you have having the sexual thoughts of children voluntarily.
Anyway, it sounds like you don't understand why people might be concerned. Legally, people can't police your thoughts and you can think whatever you want, and consenting adults can - within reason - do whatever they want with each other. And people masturbate to strange things all the time. The list of fetishes out there could get pretty huge if you did enough research. They can be (considered) harmless, like shoes, all the way to the extreme, but rating them from there is pretty subjective. Obviously, social services has rated your fetish as potentially dangerous. Also, remember that you have been having these fantasies, on purpose, for 20 years, but you have only had the baby for 3 months so it's new territory.
Also, you ask why your bf doesn't just accept your fantasies like you accept his schizophrenia. I think the difference is that his condition is a medical problem that he is working to control, yours is something you do voluntarily and - again this is just my opinion - most people would see your fantasies as a red flag. I know I personally would not like being with a man who enjoyed masturbating to fantasies of anything - and especially children - being hurt. IMO, those ideas should make you sad, not aroused, and I would see his getting off on it as a negative aspect of his character.
I doubt this helped much, but I do wish you the best and hope you try to get something out of the councelling.
Do you think anything in your past may have contributed to these thoughts? I think talking to a counselor is a GREAT idea.. maybe they can help you figure out why you have these fantasies. Maybe something in your past bothered you that you didn't really realize. Good luck with everything!
HIya, I received the letter from the doctors referring me for counceling, well, there is a leaflet too and the letter says : Your doctor has referred you for councelling, I enclose a leaflet for you telling you about the service, if you think this would be helpful, please contact me.
And the leaflet reads:
What sort of problems can we help you with?
Anxiety and stress
bereavement and loss
life changes and events
Your appointment will be for 40 minutes, at the end of each sesion you will be invited to make another appointment if you wish.....
people,,,if I'm going to councelling is because other people (my boyfriend and social services) reckon I need some help. But I'm ok,,,the councellor is gonna ask me -why are you here?- and my answer will be -other people want me to be because they reckon my sexual fantasies are weird and my child is in danger- and he will ask me if I feel happy with myself, If I love my child,,,and all the answer will be positive... do you know what I mean??/ The councelling is for people who are desperate por help,,,they want help themselves,,,but I don't want any help because I'm happy in the way I am,,, this is mad....
I woundn't call it 'mad'. Just because your particular problem isn't on the list of possible reasons for seeing them, it doesn't mean you don't belong there or wouldn't benefit from it. You have some issues you need to deal with that you have described on this board and the OCD board and if you don't discuss them with the councellor you are only lying to him and yourself.
And just because you keep saying you are happy with how things are doesn't mean other people, especially your bf, don't have a right to be concerned.
I also think that if you tell the councellor "other people want me to be because they reckon my sexual fantasies are weird and my child is in danger", his next question is not going to be "are you happy with yourself?" It's going to be "what sexual fantasies?". All the happy positive answers in the world aren't going to stop him from asking about that. Especially since that's why you're there in the first place.
Please be honest with him. You are only hurting yourself and your chance of showing Social Serives that you are a fine mother if you aren't honest and take advantage of this councelling.
I know he will ask -what are your sexual fantasies?- but at the end of the day that does not matter,,,even if I say that I fantasize about having sex with Osama Bin Laden,,,it does not matter,,what it really matters is that I'm happy and my child is happy and I look after him very well. I reckon this is just a waste of time,,,I'm happy with my thoughts,,,why does my boyfriend want to change me? he says I need help, what!!!!!!! I;m more than happy, how could I need help??? well, anyway, I will go to counceling just to prove them wrong....will let you know hoe it goes
Using fantasies of children being hurt is beyond the scope of normal it is even beyond the scope of those that enjoy BDSM. You wont find people in those cirlces who have that type of fantasies. Look at it this way here in the US people that follow through with those kinds of fantasies wind up in prison and in prison they are considered the lowest of the low. Many wind up murdered in prsion. Im not saying you will follow through with your fantasies involving children I just want to point out how others are going to see it. This is why your bf and social services are so conerned. Those fantasies no matter how harmless you see them are not. They stem from something as well which is another reason for the counseling. Your bf and social services see that was well. It isnt a matter of changing you it is a matter of making sureyour child is safe.
There are plenty of mothers who are happy who for a while raise their children very well. But that doesnt stop them from snapping and hurting/killing their children. Andrea Yates is the first that comes to mind.
Please be open and honest with the cousnelor. It could easily turn out you are right and they are wrong. But give this the chance it deserves,go in with an open mind and be willing ot listen to the advice given by the cousneling as well as tell him/her what is going on with you. Thought fair warnign telling a counselor you are there cause others want you to will make them more suspicious of your being there. He/she will really start digging if they are a good counselor. So dont be surprised if you get asked questions that you dont see coming.
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
First you didnt read what I said fully. They dont put them in jail for thinking it they put them in prison for "following through with those type of fantasies." There is a difference.
As for judging the future they arent with yoru fantasies they are just trying to make sure they dont happen either now or the future.
It is sort of like putting children in counseling over various issues of bedwetting well past the toddler stage,violent outbursts, and so on. They are doing it to help them and to prevent things from getting worse and someone possibly getting hurt later. That could very easily be the reason your bf and Social Services are so worried. The future cant be predicted and so they are trying to cover all the aspects of what could happen.
Do a bit of research on mothers who have hurt or killed their children. There are many cases of it and for most part they claimed to be happy moms who loved their children. Which Im sure at some point was true but they still wound up committing the crimes.
As for the fantasies you listed look them over again they talk about adults in those fantasies not children. There is a difference.
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
Just because there are others who think such things doesn't make it right and harmless. You really should go to counceling, if only to put the social workers mind at rest when you are given the all clear.
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I don't see why you're so against the idea of counseling. From all of the stuff you have posted, you're very defensive about stuff and it would probably do you good to get some counseling. You probably have some unresolved issues from your childhood that need to be dealt with, which is why you have these thoughts in the first place.
I can't understand why you're so adamant about this. Just go talk to a counselor and you'll probably find out that it helps you in some other way. I think, based on what you've posted here and on the OCD board, you could really, truly benefit from some type of counseling. It would only be a positive thing for you.
I think another good reason to get some councelling is so that maybe a professional would have a better chance at explaining to you what is potentially harmful about these thoughts because you really don't seem to grasp the idea that maybe they aren't very good or healthy and that maybe, just maybe, you aren't "Okay". Your posts on the OCD board acknowledge that you have a problem, but you're refusing to see it here and you're blaming your bf for your problems.
And like the others have said, just because you found a source of other people with worse fantasies, doesn't make them okay either. Just because people do it doesn't mean society in general accepts it. And right now it's 'society in general' (in your case Social Services) whose opinion matters, not a bunch of people expressing their (I assume) sick fantasies that you managed to find somewhere.
I'm sick of reading stupid comments on this forum. If any of you would see me with my child, no-one would ever have a doubt about me being a good mum and me loving my child...
you cannot judge a person because of 5 minutes of sexual fantasies,,,the rest 23 hours and 55 minutes I'm a compassionate person and a good mum and I would never act on my thoughts,,,I'm not mad....I know what I'm doing I know what I think and I know there is nothing wrong with me.
I have told my mum and 6 of my friends about my sexual fantasies and no-one of them is worried,,no-one of them think I may hurt my baby,,,my boyfriend knows me for 3 years and half and it seems he doesnt know me yet. I;m a human being, he could have said -eva I'm worried for you, why don't you tell this to someone? why don'y you go to councelling at least for my peace of mind??/,,,- But he did not do that, he recorded me without me knowing, he showed it to his friends and also to the social worker,,,and I didn't have a clue what he was doing....