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Old 09-19-2007, 12:32 PM   #1
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26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

I've been married to my wife for 2 years now and the sex used to be great. And by that I mean, we were actually having it.
about 4 Years ago my wife had Thyroid Cancer and had her Thyroid removed. A few months after that she had cysts removed from her Ovaries. She also used a Depot Shot to dry out her Ovaries for a few months to prevent the Cysts from reforming, now she just takes Birthcontrol pills to control that.

She has NO sex drive what-so-ever. This is killing me. I am a 25 year old man. I want to have sex with my wife. She has absolutely no interest. She never gets horny, she never wants to be touched, she refuses to even let me touch her.
She tried that Testosterone Cream for a while, it did nothing. I just don't know what to do anymore.

This isn't something i can just accept, I find it hard to believe that there is no pill yet that a woman can take to make her horny. If there is a pill to make a mans penis hard, why isn't there a pill to make a woman frisky?

Does anyone have ANY suggestions for me?

 
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Old 09-19-2007, 07:56 PM   #2
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

I have heard that birth control kill the sex drive. Worth looking into.

Also, I would keep in mind that is most likely frustrating for her too. Not to be rude but are doing your job? Does she have an orgasm, is sex worth having for her? Or just you? This would make a very big difference for her. And by the way, women fake it - really well. Do you constantly nag her for sex, or do you just let it happen. If she doesn't want you touch her, well it makes me think that maybe she feels over pressured - that's a real sex drive killer.

Romance her, and talk to her. Tell her to talk to her doc. Maybe he/she will have some answers.

 
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Old 09-19-2007, 10:48 PM   #3
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

Just because there is a pill to make a mans penis hard, doesn't mean it makes him horny, he has to have the desire and the right amount of hormones to make it all work together. Again ED meds do NOT make a man frisky, so there is no pills on the market that make anyone do anything they have no desire for, that has to come from the person themself.

With your wife, I'm guessing the last 4 years have been nothing but stressful, to top it off with a bunch of artificial hormones that are known to kill off a womans libido, well the math is pretty simple. Have you discused this with her at all? Or do you just reach out and grope her?

You either need to talk with her about it, have her talk with her doctor about it, or find out if she even wants to fix it. And if she doesn't, you need to decide if it is a deal breaker for you.

Good Luck.

 
Old 09-19-2007, 11:30 PM   #4
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

wow, When I read your post it felt like deja-vu. I am 25, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 2 1/2 years ago, and my husband and I have the same issue. I don't have anything magical to say that would make it all work. If I did I could fix my problem as well. It really is hard, on both people. Even though I never am interested anymore I want to be in the worst way but when I force my self to do it it hurts.

I guess the only suggestion I can think of is that maybe she needs you to focus more on the little things that aren't sexually related. Like helping her without her asking or giving her a massage or surprising her with something she would like.

Good luck
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:16 PM   #5
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

Yeah, have a little compassion. Your wife has been through a lot. Also, if she had her thyroid removed, her hormones are more than likely all screwed up. She needs a good physician that will test all her hormones and start therapy. This can be a long process and you should be patient and by her side the whole time. She can have a libido again one day once her hormones are straightened out but you need to be patient. If I had to guess, she doesn't want to be this way either and making her feel inadequate is not going to help the situation.

 
Old 10-05-2007, 10:00 PM   #6
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

It's a shame she has to be on the pill. Definitely the worst libido-killer out there, for sure. I was on the pill a very long time and didn't get my sex drive back until a year after I quit. It really does screw up a woman's libido.

Does your wife know about the connection between the pill and her lack of desire? Is she aware of it at all? I ask because I've encountered a lot of women on the pill who never realized that was what was causing the problem. They assumed it was something else. I thought that if she knew it was the pill causing her problem, she might want to look into finding out of there is another option out there for her instead.

 
Old 10-05-2007, 10:00 PM   #7
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

I am sorry for you and your wife. Unless your wife gets into 'acting' there really isn't anything that can be done. That's what happens when your thyroid goes and your ovaries shut down...there isn't any sex drive(it was taken away from her and she is prob pretty angry about it!) nor will there ever be. However, some wives understand their mates need attention and 'get into it' no matter if they want it or not just because of the love they feel for the husband. Your wife is fairly new to this situation and man it has got to be the hardest thing for any young women go through(and you also)...the best thing you can do is talk to her gently also show her all these replies to your question and let her know that there are others in her shoes and at some point you hope she will find a support group and understand that you have needs. I am so sorry for your situation because this is so hard for the both of you and time is the only thing that is going to help. Try to hang in there and be loving with words and kindness in heart she may repay you in kind. good luck to the both of you.

 
Old 10-07-2007, 07:33 PM   #8
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

Not to get your hopes up but after 11 years and three kids I had the same problem...went to see a psychiatrist and he recommended Cymbalta and it truly did work. I found myself in sex toy shops, thinking about sex, trying different things, looking at x-rated stuff but the bad part was I thought about other men too....I had to stop it because I am pregnant with number 4 and my sex drive is back to zero. I will take it again when I can. It's worth a shot...plus it gives you energ. I am 36 by the way....Good luck

 
Old 10-10-2007, 04:24 PM   #9
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

Man
If there was such a medicine out there that could help women with their libido- I want to know what it is- NOW!
But such as life, I I haven't heard of one- or my doctor would've told me by now. (Unless it's on the black market- in which case, it's probably dodgy).
What is it with men these days?
If a woman has medical problems, they should be supportive with both sides of the issue- not just thinking of their penis' needs.
A woman should not be pressured about sex, despite how little there is, it makes them feel worse- don't men realise just how low the moral for the women is already?
Just be thankful you have someone that loves you. Full stop. I hear stories of women who have high libidos are interested in one thing- and it's not true love.

 
Old 10-21-2007, 03:09 AM   #10
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

heh.. thats true.. i was on the birth controll shot back when i was 14 and no i didnt have sex or nothing( im still a virgin) but point is, it did screw up my libido, cause i never get turned on. and it sucks .. its been freaking 5 years since i was even on the dang shot, and i can't get turned on. I don't like even a guy touching me i wonder whats wrong with me .

Last edited by Morethanamemory; 10-21-2007 at 03:13 AM.

 
Old 10-21-2007, 11:38 AM   #11
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

It truly is a catch-22 being on the pill...

Using a condom allows you to have protected sex pregnancy, but can kill some of the stimulation for a woman as I have found. But being on the pill allows better stimulation, but it is unprotected and sex drive is way down.

 
Old 10-24-2007, 11:40 PM   #12
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squiggy123 View Post
I've been married to my wife for 2 years now and the sex used to be great. And by that I mean, we were actually having it.
about 4 Years ago my wife had Thyroid Cancer and had her Thyroid removed. A few months after that she had cysts removed from her Ovaries. She also used a Depot Shot to dry out her Ovaries for a few months to prevent the Cysts from reforming, now she just takes Birthcontrol pills to control that.

She has NO sex drive what-so-ever. This is killing me. I am a 25 year old man. I want to have sex with my wife. She has absolutely no interest. She never gets horny, she never wants to be touched, she refuses to even let me touch her.
She tried that Testosterone Cream for a while, it did nothing. I just don't know what to do anymore.

This isn't something i can just accept, I find it hard to believe that there is no pill yet that a woman can take to make her horny. If there is a pill to make a mans penis hard, why isn't there a pill to make a woman frisky?

Does anyone have ANY suggestions for me?
I really dont know what to say about this, but I can say if her thyroid is gone.. Even though she is being treated with replacement therpy hypothyroidism kills a females sex drive..

 
Old 10-28-2007, 05:47 PM   #13
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

I think it's important to note that women's sex drive comes from a very different place than men's. A men is biologically driven because of semen actually building up, needing to be released. That is largely the urge that men feel. Women, on the other hand, are driven by feeling loved, emotionally safe with a man.

I think your wife is probably very torn up internally. I know when I had health problems, i was very angry at my body, like it was letting me down. I wanted to think about anything BUT my body because thinking about my body was a reminder that it was rotting!!! WHAT A TURN OFF! And then on top of it, I have this person that I love that I don't physically feel like satisfying, but even though I care about him, I just can't give him what he needs and then this leads to more negative feelings and worry that he will leave me which makes me more angry because i can't help that my body is rotting and causing me so much pain and agony and strife and now i'm just mad at myself for being mad and grrrr horny is the last thing i am.

does this give you glimpse, OP? My reccomendation is to discuss with you wife in this way, "Honey, I want to be here for you. What would you like for me to do so that I can be here for you? I want to make sure I am doing a good job." And try what she says for a week. Maybe she'll warm back up to you because she isn't freaking out about not being turned on when you are. Do things that let her know she is sexy, attractive, instead of things that let her know you are turned on, understand? There is a difference. You can do things that make someone think, "Hey, he's horny" or you can do things that make her think, "Wow, I *AM* beautiful." YOu want to have a LOT of sex with the second scenario because you feel safe, loved, etc. Sometimes words are NOT the only way to go about getting what you want. There are other ways to communicate. If she thinks she is sexy, if she thinks you LOVE Her unconditionally, then she will most likely warm up to you.

But just because you are horny and in the mood, well that's something she already knows, and frankly, it's stressing her out. she has enough to worry about with her health and all then to freak herself out about how she is failing to satisfy you. does this make sense?

i understand your sentiments. you are with a women you adore and you are hotTt for her, but she isn't meeting your physical needs. i feel for you. ease her back into being involved sexually. let her know she can touch you without having to go all the way.

start by talking steaming one night.
caress each other, (areas besides the genitals!) another day.
get her to take pics you can use to masturbate to.
write her a love letter.
help her find ways (by you first being an example yourself) to express sexual, loving, intimate feelings without actually doing it. when she feels like she doesn't have to, or that it is is okay if she doesn't go all the way, THEN SHE IS MORE LIKELY TO! Get it? i hope i've made sense. cause i think this will REALLY Help!

And don't give her the cold shoulder. that just makes her feel even worse, more angry because she is losing what was most dear to her heart..


This is just a general explanation. I do no doubt there to be exceptions.

Last edited by Chubbycheeks; 10-28-2007 at 05:49 PM.

 
Old 10-28-2007, 08:01 PM   #14
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

Woman and men work differently that is for sure. Did we scare this guy away? After we had our kid I my sex drive has not been the same. He is now two and a half. It is getting better but it is still something to fit into my schedule and a lets do this kind of thing. We both get to the finish line and back to whatever needs to be done. Before he just annoyed the crap out of me and turned me off completely by how naggy he was about not having sex. Then it made me uncomfortable having it. Not to mention I was in major overload with the house the bills the lawn the kid the cleaning and working and was getting virtually no help from him. That is not a turn on by the way. Now it has been so long since we had the kind of sex that just happens unless we are drunk that I don't really know how to do it anymore. I really miss it but where do you start to learn that again? My husband is my best friend and I am completely comfortable with him but we don't really touch each other anymore. For so long touching meant he automatically wanted sex....which annoyed me. I did not even want to lay next to him because I knew he was going to want sex and I wanted rest. There has got to be a way to reconnect on that level again. I wonder how. A pill....a sex game? hmmmm. any suggestions are welcome. Lay off your wife. You will either accept it and deal with what happens...but honestly my best advice is to stop....forget about it....stop caring about it and it will probably get better. The longer you nag about it is the worse it is going to get and harder it will be to ever be normal again.

 
Old 10-29-2007, 06:03 AM   #15
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Re: 26 Year Old Wife, ZERO SEX DRIVE....please help

Jessy made a good point-are you nagging her about not having sex, because that's the quickest way to turn someone off. I suffer from panic disorder and had a really bad bout with it earlier in the year. (p.s.-i am 26 as well) I used to have a pretty good sex life-I would wake my husband up in the middle of the night for sex, having sex in the car etc. But since then, I have had no libido. Part of it was because we were tryingt o figure out a successful combo of meds, part was because I already felt like crappy and unattractive, and part was because he began to get frustrated and became a pain in my a**. When someone is hounding you to do something, you do not want to do it.

As many of the others said as well, her hormones could be completely out of whack, killing her libido. Or, maybe its depression from the whole situation. I can't vouch for the birth control, as I never had that problem when I took them

There are soooo many things that could be contributing to this. I suggest you have a serious heart to heart with her and ask her what is wrong and if there is anything you can do to help the situation. If it is a medical thing, maybe the two of you should go to the dr. together.

Last edited by jete23; 10-29-2007 at 06:03 AM.

 
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