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Old 04-16-2008, 09:06 AM   #1
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My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

I am 22 years old and have been with the same guy for over three years now. I am mad in love with him and so he is with me. Since we met up he's been asking me to loose the extra weight off. I know this is a personal decision and he should not ask me to do so but on the same time I never wanted to be with somebody who likes size 16!

Lately he's been trying so hard to put me off sex. He refuses somehow to satisfy me and he keeps mentioning that sex does not represent love. Love is much purer than that !!! I get put off so much because of the way he treats my sexual desires.

I have spoken to him million times but he's so stubborn and sticks to his own believes. He picks up on silly things just to annoy me more and run away from sex.

I am not bad AT ALL with him. I treat him nicely and try my best to loose weight. I go to gym nearly everyday and I go on diets regularly. He seems not to appreciate my effort at all. He always wants more that I physically unable to achieve.

He left me with absolutely no friends what so ever just so I stay with him and not leave him one day. I feel so lost when I have an argument with him because I have no one else to speak to about it.
He simply creates so many problems for me by calling my friends and telling them to stop influencing me on leaving him!!! they never did-they just leave me peacefully for him.
It's getting too much I feel I can't tolerate it no more. If he doesn't like me the way I am then I think he should leave me alone.

Our sex life sometimes depends on his mood. He only gets what he wants from me and tell me hes sorry he couldn't do it till I orgasm.

I am starting to feel like going with girls rather than with him. Or just not have sex at all. I am still young and attractive but I can't go with someone else. It's either him or no body else.
I keep getting lots of offers from different fit guys everyday but my answer is NO all the time.

Unfortunately my boyfriend is getting a bit gay as well. Hes not as tough and manly as he used to be. He laughs on serious things and act so weak that makes me feel so responsible for things i am not able to handle. He voice is changing and becoming feminine and his communication style is so girlie ! sometimes I think who is the woman here ? me or him ?

I have stopped meeting him about 4 days ago and I hardly call him during the day. I feel separation is best for both parties.

Could a man/woman here explain why most men behave like my boyfriend when their partner is loyal, caring and loving ??? why do they refuse sex even when they are dying for it ?

 
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Old 04-16-2008, 09:10 AM   #2
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

I'm having a hard time understand what it is about him that you are madly in love with.......
he's disrespectful, controlling, arrogant, obnoxious, moody........
I don't even know why you're calling someone like that your boyfriend.
are you worried you can't find anyone better?
that's not a reason to stay with someone who treats you like that.

 
Old 04-16-2008, 09:23 AM   #3
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
I'm having a hard time understand what it is about him that you are madly in love with.......
he's disrespectful, controlling, arrogant, obnoxious, moody........
I don't even know why you're calling someone like that your boyfriend.
are you worried you can't find anyone better?
that's not a reason to stay with someone who treats you like that.
I absolutely agree with you but It's not the case of finding someone better.It's a case of finding someone I love bearing in my mind I only have one heart.

I have been with so many guys before him but not on sexual levels, only semi dates you can say. My heart only fell for this one unfortunately.
If your talking about a better one then yes I am worried because there are hardly any I can see. Most of them are cheaters, superficial, moody and selfish.

I rather being with some good girlfriends and do the girlie stuff rather than being with a dictator man. The thing is I have a volcano of sexual and emotional desires for him waiting to be discovered and fulfilled.

 
Old 04-16-2008, 09:26 AM   #4
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoLonely View Post
I absolutely agree with you but It's not the case of finding someone better.It's a case of finding someone I love bearing in my mind I only have one heart.

I have been with so many guys before him but not on sexual levels, only semi dates you can say. My heart only fell for this one unfortunately.
If your talking about a better one then yes I am worried because there are hardly any I can see. Most of them are cheaters, superficial, moody and selfish.

I rather being with some good girlfriends and do the girlie stuff rather than being with a dictator man. The thing is I have a volcano of sexual and emotional desires for him waiting to be discovered and fulfilled.

what do you love about him? be specific.......
from what you've described he's superficial, moody, and selfish.....the traits that you say most of the other ones have.
He is a dictator man......he's refusing to meet your needs because it gives him power and control over you.
There are plenty of men who would be happy to discover your volcano.....don't waste any more energy on this one. He's just tearing your self-esteem down......I don't believe you love him.......
what you're mistaking for love could be co-dependency.
stop worrying about meeting his needs when he's not concerned about yours.

 
Old 04-16-2008, 09:41 AM   #5
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

Ahhh yes the games people play. Who knows why that guy treated you like that for so long but you know he can only treat you the way you allow him to treat you. I am sad you stayed in the relationship for 3 years because he is an abuser (mental abuse) Glad you are moving on. Not all guys are like this but people tend to pick the next mate of the same tendencies so be very careful what guys you like to spend time with...I mean really take hard look at what attracts you to a guy then try to change it and try someone that is very different. Good luck.

 
Old 04-16-2008, 04:07 PM   #6
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

I am trying my best to break up with him but at some times I feel I miss him so much and need to see him. He is definitely tearing my self esteem but I don't allow him to do so all the time.

One more thing, he keeps threatening me by contacting my parents or coming to my place to tell everybody that I am still going out with him. This makes me so annoyed and helpless on the same time because I know my parents won't be happy with me being with this man.

His brother and his wife have created so many troubles for me in the past. My family was disappointed with their behavior and my boyfriend's co-operation with his brother. They tried to blackmail me....etc.
After that shocking incident I decided to leave him but I didn't have anybody to support me which made me so weak and I got back to him.

I am still so hurt from what he did to me even though he regrets it and admits he was wrong.

Lately, the whole drama has affected my sexual desires. Whenever we do it I stop him mid way and just turn away. It seems like it's not bothering him AT ALL. He just goes ' ok sweety you don't feel like it? we don't have to do it'.... meanwhile I am burning inside for much more but I get put off by his acceptance of the whole situation. It just sounds like he simply doesn't care.

Another issue we are facing is his pre-mature ejaculation. He can't hold him self for full ten minutes sometimes not even 5!
It appears thats once hes done with me the whole sex process is over. I can't ask for anything else. If I did ask to use his fingers he just gets offended or use it for a minute and stop. He will say ' sorry I don't like using my hand'

I feel such a fool for being abused on a personal level. Am I asking too much?

 
Old 04-16-2008, 04:42 PM   #7
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

No you are asking for too little. Why are you even remotely interested in this jerk? You have not said one positive thing about him yet. You need to get your head on straight and run from this guy and his loser family. Why do you need other people to be strong for you? You have to discover your own inner strength and rely on that, not other people. This is not love, it is co-dependency. Run fast and far from this creep. He has no love for you or respect, for that matter.

 
Old 04-16-2008, 08:33 PM   #8
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!



When you find Mr Right you have always dreamt of being with it becomes hard to let it go. I have been through a tough life in terms of relationships in general. I look around me and I see very educated men treating their partners similar way.I wonder if all men the same??

His positive aspects are fading through his strange behavior with me.
I can't find a good convincing reason to be with that man. I suppose I am putting my self in his shoes and that makes me more conscious about what he might go through if I leave him today. I feel bad and sorry to leave him all alone. His mum died four years ago, his dad is busy with his new wife, his sisters are all married and away in Australia..etc. and second brother is the Biggest jerk on planet. Basically he is a lonely guy. How can I leave my heart? I know it sounds so stupid and I hate my self for thinking that way but I can't stop it.He is all over me and his love is running through my veins.

My mind just stops functioning as soon as I think of his positive characteristics....He is nice, forgiving with others not with me..........I mean the good things he always had have been lost throughout.e.g. his toughness as a man...Unfortunately Hes just softer than me now!


I am really confused about it. Should I accept the fact most men are jerks, turn lesbian or lock out my self in my room and destroy my career? All options are worst than each other but they are what I am thinking about at the moment

 
Old 04-17-2008, 06:17 AM   #9
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

Have you ever thought that maybe your boyfriend is gay and he's too insecure.
Maybe he's just after companionship and not a physical and intimate relationship. Either way he doesnt sound like a very nice person. Do you really think that low of yourself to resort to being with someone who treats you like that?

Think about what you want. Your young and wasting your life on a relationship that already dead in the water. You have guys that want you...move on and give them a go. Something amazing could come from this, who knows.

 
Old 04-17-2008, 07:17 AM   #10
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

[QUOTE=SoLonely;3534292]

When you find Mr Right you have always dreamt of being with it becomes hard to let it go.
QUOTE]


you haven't found Mr Right, you've found Mr Wrong......
you can't be serious that you've always dreamt of being treated like this?
You're imagining what you wish things were like.....they aren't like that.

 
Old 04-17-2008, 07:19 AM   #11
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

ok, not all guys are jerks. Yes there are plenty of jerks out there. You just have to keep looking until you find one who isn't. I met plenty of worthless jerks but by being patient and not looking to hard; as in I enjoyed my life whether or not I had a guy and I refused to settle for someone less than worthy, I finally met one who is pure gold. Keep you chin up, dump this jerk. He can't forgive you but you find him to be forgiving? What! I think the other poster is right. He may be gay and having a hard time coming to terms with it. You are simply in love with the idea of being in love. Break free from this mess, sort yourself out, and be careful of who you get latched onto next time. Try not to dive in headfirst, take your time and get to really know someone. If you are already into girls, maybe try dating a woman.-Unless you just said that out of frustration. Don't ruin your life/career over this guy, he's not worth it. There are good guys out there, even if you find them hard to find. You are young and have a bright future ahead of you. Good luck.

 
Old 04-17-2008, 03:41 PM   #12
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

I was his first date 'girlfriend' like I always wanted to be. He was my first partner I had a sexual relationship with.

It's not easy to find a guy in his early 20s where I be his first ! Most men are jerks and they just cry over their ex partners! I don't want somebody who is physically with me but mentally and emotionally unavailable.

The sex with my current boyfriend is just something from heaven. The strong bond between us is just unbelievable. It's just lately hes being a complete *****. Even in cinema last time he was giving me half 'charity' kisses and when he saw a bloody ***** in the movie he got so turned on that he gave me a full deep long kiss. I felt so offended but didn't say a thing to him. It just put me off him that I decided to leave the place ASAP. Since then I haven't met him and decided not to for good.

Days are passing and I am getting more and more away from that DEVIL. What a long 3 year nightmare! I am leaving him and I am not afraid anymore to be lonely again.
I rather staying SoLonely than destroying my inner self. I am leaving the love of my life forever and no way back.

There is something big waiting for me in future and I should give up things for it. I can't allow him to devastate me before then.

 
Old 04-17-2008, 08:18 PM   #13
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

Good for you in staying strong. I am sure that as your first he will always have a special spot in your heart but that doesn't mean that he is your one true love. You are still so young and you are right, there is most certainly something big waiting for you in the future. You will have a bright and wonderful life. Good luck to you.

 
Old 04-17-2008, 09:47 PM   #14
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

I am feeling so weak today but the thought of me being with him makes me sick and sad on the same time. I feel sick of the way he treats me and sad because I am leaving him and ending such a wonderful part of my life. It was the best thing ever happened to me. I am leaving him for the respect of my love. The purity of my insatiable love to him.
He doesn't deserve it. I don't know what could happen to me after leaving him. I'm driving into insanity world but it's still better than loosing my dignity. My pride does not allow me to meet him today even though I am so desperate to hug him closely to my heart and give him my virginity as a form of apology for deciding to leave him.

P.S. yes I am still a virgin despite my sexual activities that DID NOT involve penetration.

 
Old 04-18-2008, 06:31 AM   #15
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Re: My boyfriend refuses to satisfy me sexually!

Although you feel an aching pain, do stay strong. Your virginity is a beautiful gift and he does not deserve it. You need to think more realistically about your relationship with him. It could not have been the most wonderful time of your life if he does not respect you or treat you with dignity and love. Keep in mind all the reasons you have for leaving him and do not just remember the good times. It will get better with time, you will have good days and bad days. Keep yourself strong and keep your faith and hope in the beautiful future you have ahead of you. Best wishes.

 
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