*Had to edit to conform to forum rules, so may be confusing.
Ok, so I had a somewhat wierd experience last night. I am not sure what it means and need some insight. .
Here's what happened:
I have been talking to this girl for about a month. Last night we hung out for the second time.
(Heres a basic overview of what happened without the details that got deleted)
Basically we made out. She told me after making out that she wasnt going to be having sex. After that though, she gave me a ton of signs that she wanted to. She even said she wanted to a few times but she shouldnt or can't. We did some intense dry humping but thats it.
I am 22 and she is 19.
She has said that she is a very sexual person and enjoys sex. She is definitely not a virgin.
What I don't understand is:
1.Why she didnt want to have sex? She said she wants to but kept saying she shouldn't or she can't.
2.She told me that she wasn't going to have sex that night, then why was she giving me sooooo many signs that she did want to?
I'm wondering if she was either on her period, had an STD that she didnt want me to get or see? Or maybe she just didnt want to have sex with me yet? She said she doesnt have a boyfriend. From what I hear, she is not at all the kind of person who is shy of having sex. I have no idea what this all means and it's driving me crazy!!! I want to ask her, but would feel uncomfortable.
If you are still reading this, I thank you and if you could give me some of your thoughts, I would really appreciate it.
Thanks and sorry for writing so long.
Last edited by GregW200; 07-06-2008 at 10:43 AM.
Reason: do not comment to moderators. Do not post sexual details. Do not post on multiple boards.
Honestly it sounds to me like one of three things
1) She has some sort of physical problem (e.g. AIDS, her period, etc)
2) She has had a bad sexual experience in her past (or possibly was the victim of some sort of abuse and intercourse is emotionally difficult for her)
3) She is being a tease. Some women like to keep a guy wanting more.
Maybe you could just ask her straight out? Are you trying to get into a relationship with her or just wanting sex? If it is the former, you should definitely try to communicate. Otherwise, be happy with what you got out of it and maybe look elsewhere?
While it's true that these days, people appear to be more for instant gratification, you have to understand that there are still people out there who prefer to wait before having sex with someone they just started seeing. I don't see anything unusual at all in her behavior, I think she was torn but in the end she decided she wasn't ready. I'm not sure what the big deal is? Are you mad that she didn't want to do this right away with you but you assume she has with others before you? Doesn't matter. What matters is her comfort level with you, and it's apparent that she doesn't have that level of comfort with you yet. Either be patient with her until she's ready or move on. But don't pressure her into something she's not ready to do because that's just rude.
Thank you for putting this into perspective for me. I guess I took what I heard from others about her past as a sure shot with her that night. I in no way pressured her at all though. I am very respectful. I just know that she is very sexually active from what I hear and I couldn't understand why she wouldnt with me. But maybe I am different to her and she wants to wait. I will see what happens. Thanks
From what I hear, she is not at all the kind of person who is shy of having sex.
Originally Posted by GregW200
I guess I took what I heard from others about her past as a sure shot with her that night.
Given these two statements, it sounds to me like you are only into her because you've heard she puts out and is a sure thing.
Believe it or not, most women don't like to be thought of like that, and if she was feeling like that's why you were with her (which it certainly sounds like from here) she was most likely testing you. Do you actually like her enough to have a relationship with her? Be her boyfriend? Or were you just trying to get some?
If she knew (or believed) it was the latter, then as much as she might have wanted to have sex with you physically, her sense said no. (Women are allowed to use their heads when making these kinds of decisions, lol.)
As for asking her about why she wouldn't have sex with you at this point would be very tacky. She wasn't obliged to, and you'd sound like you thought you were entitled or something, or that she came with a guarantee and you were disappointed (which is exactly what you sound like). You don't want to sound like that, do you?
If you want to pursue a relationship with this girl, forget what you've heard and treat her like you would any new girl you're starting to date and lose the expectations.
Maybe she knows what type of a 'reputation' she has and has been told what people are saying about her behind her back. Perhaps she liked you a lot and didn't want to have sex on the first date as she didn't want you to think that what people were saying was correct. If she had sex with you on the first date you would have thought her reputation was justified.
She might be a sexual being and gets aroused easily, this deosn't mean she will go all the way on a first date.
Have you even thought that some spiteful person has simply spread a rumour about her being easy?
I guess you have learnt a lesson not to date people according to 'reputation'.