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Old 07-07-2008, 10:35 AM   #1
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NO Sex due to Husbands health problems

I am at my wits end! I have tried to be VERY undersanding that my husband of 34 yrs is unable to have sex due to Diabetes Type2, Chronic Arthritis in his spine along with chronic pain plus being very overweight. He also has short term memory lost due to Sleep Apnea. I know that most of you would say LEAVE! However, that is not possible due to financial reasons and of course emotional feelings. My husband is also disabled due to the above and spends most of time at home. I have Fibromyalgia and low back problems but I still try to keep as active as I can. I am on disability due to my Fibromyalgia.
I still have needs!! I miss being intimate! I have tired talking to my husband about this but that makes things worse. Is there anything we or I could do that would help the situation?? NO I am not having an affair!

 
Old 07-07-2008, 10:47 AM   #2
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Re: NO Sex due to Husbands health problems

Why don't you try some toys? Have him massage you with a vibrator maybe? There are fun oils and lubes you can play with too that should be quite nice. maybe he can be turned on by seeing you be turned on? The least he can do is try to please you with the body parts he CAN use and if he can't do that, there are man made tools which feel grreeeaaat and if he can give you intimacy while using them on you, that just makes it ten times better, doesn't it?
and with the toys you can use them in your private time too. You are too young still not to be having pleasure when you need it.

 
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Old 07-09-2008, 02:08 PM   #3
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Re: NO Sex due to Husbands health problems

Get him to your family Doc and have him tested for low T, or testosterone. I'm willing to bet that he has the T of an old man....Meds and the other things you list are the root cause.

The good news is that HRT is safe and can just about completely restore his vitality. If found to have low T, one is usually prescribed a lotion / gel called "Androgel" which you rub on your arms or shoulders once a day. If he's not have AM erections, his T is too low. Either your family Doc can treat you, or can be referred to a URO or ENDO.

Good luck.

Ex

 
Old 07-09-2008, 06:39 PM   #4
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Re: NO Sex due to Husbands health problems

If he isn't willing to change and if you are still happy in the relationship, I'd also try some toys. Many people shy away from them, but there's nothing wrong with them and can provide you with what you feel is missing. Then you can really focus on just spending time with your husband and making sure the two of you are happy together.

 
Old 07-09-2008, 07:54 PM   #5
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Re: NO Sex due to Husbands health problems

Perhaps your husband's dr would give him a prescription for Viagra or something similar. Also has he considered an inplant? I know this can't be an easy situation for either of you and I think you are a wonderful wife to stick by your husband.

Sincerely Nadine

 
Old 07-10-2008, 06:03 AM   #6
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Re: NO Sex due to Husbands health problems

Having sex isn't limited to intercourse only. many of us can enjoy so much pleasure with hand stimulation,oral, mutual masturbation, or as mentioned using toys; we just have let our emotions take over.

 
Old 10-18-2008, 01:52 PM   #7
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Re: NO Sex due to Husbands health problems

You partner has some serious medical concerns but you did not mention certain things like, is he type 1 or type 2 diabetic and if type 2, is he insulin dependent? Diabetes is most likely the direct cause of his erection problems so you need to treat his obesity and diabetes not his penis. Another person replied that his "T" levels may be low and while testosterone does directly affect his ability to achieve an erection, this isn't necessarily his problem right now. He could have an overproduction of testosterone, want to engage in sex and desire you, but if there are problems with low blood sugar, nerves, and circulation it may not matter. The first thing to do is control his sugar. Remove anything "white" in the house. No flour or sugar. Potatoes. Pasta. et cetera. Start adding in cinnamon and alpha lipoic acid into his diet (you can find these in supplement stores; they help keep glucose in check).
Next, you need to get him moving. Walking, swimming, playing sports with you. Exercise does wonders for controlling diabetes, moderating (and losing) weight, and helping blood flow - which is what this is all about.
Lastly, you could add some small amounts(~100-300mg) of niacin (a B vitamin) which can improve his blood flow and control his cholesterol. Niacin works as a vasodialator. Arginine can also help him more directly with his erection. Arginine allows for better nitrogen synthesis which is important in Nitric Oxide (NO) production. Nitric Oxide works on smooth muscle and is important for the relaxation of the tissue found in the penis. Some studies suggest up to 6g / day if necessary. Keep good fats in his diet (salmon, small fish, almonds, avocado, seeds) watch his refined fats and sugars, and keep him moving.

 
Old 10-20-2008, 11:55 AM   #8
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Re: NO Sex due to Husbands health problems

Is he unable to get an erection due to medical issues only but has a desire to have sex or is it both a desire and physical issue? That makes a difference on approach.

I think masturbation and more cuddly intimacy with hubby might be your ticket till you get things in order. If he's lacking in the motivational department and you are hoping to provide him a kick start to get some help maybe masturbate in front of him and tell him how you want him. I have been married 20 years and often my hubby will bring me to orgasm before we ever engage in actual "sex" I touch and he helps me without giving too much detail. Anyway it is possible for your hubby to help you feel satisfied even if the two of you don't ultimately have intercourse, talk to him and make suggestions and ask if there are any things he would be interested in trying. Tell him you love him and want him and it would help if even he just helped touch you and talk to you so you could get release.

It's really difficult to know what direction to take not knowing all the issues.

 
Old 10-20-2008, 12:39 PM   #9
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Re: NO Sex due to Husbands health problems

Thank you responding to my post.
I have more or less accepted the fact that we will not have sex again. I know there are many other ways to be intimate but right now I am not going to bring anything up since my husband had surgery last week to repair a hernia that was not done right 4 years ago. Since it was in the stomach area he is still healing.

 
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