I have been with my partner for 7 months now. We live together and at the moment we are happy, apart from one major thing. He masterbates every morning. It has been a problem for some months now. I could understand more if we had been together a few years. But this is still ment to be the honeymoon stage! I love my partner very much and find him very sexy and when we do have sex amazing in bed. So why every morning rather than having sex. He would rather wait for me to leave the room or sometimes he just does it beside me. But when I go to play with him he's not really that intersted or turns over. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me, and I know there's nothing wrong with the way I look. And I have never had any complains in the bedroom department. Its making me jelous and feel less of a woman. And when I try to talk to him he changes the subject or tells me to stop being silly. Can someone please help.
I don't see what the problem is? All men masterbate, and it doesn't have anything to do with you. I don't understand why it would make you feel like less of a woman when it has literally nothing to do with you? Men who are in relationships still masterbate because even when they are having regular sex with a woman, they still use it as a tool to relax or to release or just to relieve some stress. It's not about sex. You said yourself that he keeps you satisfied in the bedroom. As long as he keeps you satisfied and it's not interfering with your sex life then there's no problem.
I just don't understand why women take such offense to this. It quite literally has nothing at all to do with you. And you're sitting there getting upset over it? Perhaps you just lived a very sheltered life before this, but the fact of the matter is that you're completely overreacting and you really just need to chill.
The only time you need to worry is if you start feeling like he's pleasing himself only and not you at all. Or if you're get down to like once a month sex or something. If he stops satisfying you, then I'd start worrying. But it sounds like you have a really solid sex life with him, so there really is no problem here. You just need to stop thinking it's all about you, because it's not at all about you. His reasons for doing stuff isn't always going to revolve around you. Guys think and do things very differently than we do. You really need to learn this if you're going to have a healthy relationship.
You are lying in bed next to him willing to participate in sex with him and he starts masturbating, and he actually has the nerve to turn away from you? Holy cow! How disrespectful.
Sure, people masturbate even when they have willing partners - and men wanting it in the morning is pretty standard - but to do it right beside you and turn away if you show you'd like to join him? I can't believe anyone would question you having a problem with that. Sheesh.
Seriously, how many women - or men - would put up with a partner who masturbates in front of them but cuts them off if they want to join? How ignorant is that? (Unless you're in some kind of weird dom/sub relationship, of course.)
If he wants his 'private time' then he should darn well make sure it's private, not in your face like that. IMO, that is being disrespectful. On the occasions where he does it in private, then that should be respected, otherwise, he's being a jerk. Maybe his brain isn't fully functioning in the morning...
I don't know the depth of the situation, but i wouldn't take to much offense to him masturbating in the morn or whenever he does. pleases
even when i am having great sex, i still masturbate all the time. as a matter of fact i just started seeing someone and the sex is wonderful....he satisfies me physically and mentally but that doesn't stop me from pleasing myself. as a matter of fact the other day after we had sex he got up to shower and get ready for work, and i pleased myself when he was in the shower. just b/c i masturbate that doesn't mean i don't like him....actually i am thinking about him when i am doing it.....
then one night we were watching porn together and he said to me "don't ever think a man doesn't like you if he masturbates all the time when you are or not around....." (he said this b/c his ex caught him masturbating and it was a problem for her) so if i was you, i would try to relax but if him masturbating still bothers you talk to him about it....try and understand what is going on in his brain.
I like what Thisby had to say and agree. I masturbate a lot and love to feel myself, but not to the exclusion of my husband, I love him to join in any way he wants to. My husband use to be the one masturbating a lot, now it is me, we are also very sexually active on top of my masturbating, we try to enjoy what ever season one of us is in and be supportive. I hope that you will be able to discuss this outside of the bedroom and try to get him to open up about it. If he really wants some private time, you both can be aware of it and he shouldn't feel bad if it is something he really needs. But, I think it should be private and not in your face. Sometimes I need to be by myself and pleasure myself for a long period of time because I don't always get the 'time' I need. I just hope he doesn't just turn his back to you and not allow you join in the fun. Sounds mean to me. I would totally be butt hurt. Our lives are lived together and shared, communication is part of that and he needs to be man enough to get this out in the open.
You shouldn't be made to feel bad in your own bed and bedroom. You shouldn't be treated this way, even if masturbation is just something we do and enjoy, your feelings are real and I am hearing you, you are valid in what you are going through, don't let anyone make you feel like it is nothing, when to you it is. You have every right to the way you feel.....I hope this is helpful and that you have a great night!
I agree that if he wants to masturbate in private or in conjunction with the two of you having foreplay and/or sex, then this is not abnormal or uncommon. But because he is so blatantly pushing you out of the equation, when you are right there and offering to participate, and then won't even discuss it with you, that's pretty immature and selfish, IMHO.
Have you ever thought of just starting up yourself, when he does that in bed next to you? I wonder what his reaction to that would be???
From my point of view, the major issue is his refusal to even communicate with you about it. Communication, even if it's about who takes out the garbage, is essential to every relationship. And he doesn't seem to know how to do this effectively or respectfully. I think that would bother me more than the masturbating.
Anyway, whatever you decide or whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck. At the very least, your feelings should matter to him and he should respect them and try to compromise.
Masterbation in private is fine and both males and females do it for any number of reasons.
I do not agree with the way your boyfriend is going about it. I find what he is doing is more like a slap on the face and his actions are very childish and not mature at all. If a partner does not want sex, men do not just turn away and do it then and there to make the partner feel bad, they will do it in private eg: the shower. I understand that that is not your case and that you do wish to have sex or get involved in some way.
The way he is going about it i can understand that you would be left feeling bad. Does he know how it's making you feel? You need to discuss it with him and find out why he doesn't wish to have sex of some form with you but prefers to satisfy himself while you are there, yet not involving you.