My hubby persuaded me to try anal sex against my better judgement, it really hurt and i wet myself. My hubby really enjoyed it an wants it to be a regular thing.I was hardly able to sit down the next day. My husband told me the more we do it the less it will hurt. my friend told me that if i have anal sex i could get incontient with my bowels. But hubby said she is talking rubbish.
I don't really have any experience to speak from. But the main issue for me is whether or not you want to do something that causes you pain, and the fact that your husband is insisting on something that you apparently don't care to do.
It should not have hurt even the first time. If it did, you were doing it wrong and should have stopped immediately. Don't let him do it to you again unless you are sure you can do it without it hurting at all. Balsically, it should not hurt and him telling you that you will get used to it is a crock. Either you do it right or you don't.
btw, the fact that he enjoyed it while you were in pain and not enjoying it would make me worry.
Maybe you should ask him to go through the 'getting used to it' period first while you use a strap on, so you can get an idea of how long it will take before it 'wont hurt at all' and maybe get some pointers from him.
The Following User Says Thank You to Thisby For This Useful Post: FlewtooClose (12-12-2011)
Use a fake penis on him so he will know what it feels like to receive anal sex. Let him experience it himself first, so that he can speak from personal experience and tell you exactly how long it takes to stop hurting.
I don't seriously think he will agree, but it is a point worth arguing that since he has no idea what it feels like (I assume), he is in no position to say how long it will take to get used to it (and as I stressed, it shouldn't hurt, ever).
There is one universal rule with anal sex, the receiver gets to set the rules. That would be you, so don't forget that.
Hi Thisby, thanks for the advice I really appericate it.I am going to make that point about the fake penis so he can see for himself just how painful it was, thats a brilliant idea although i know he wont do it.He told me all his friends wives have anal sex and really enjoy it,and is putting pressure on me to make it a regular thing.Thing is i am severly deaf and lack confidence and am scared if i dont give him what he wants in the bedroom departmnent im inferior in some way to his friends wives.I know it might sound stupid but its how i feel.
I forgot to add thanks for advice that reciver sets the rules for anal sex, cause my husband thinks he should be the one to set the rules for it.I will show him this thread.
My husband has told me about this jel he is going to try out that a mate gave him . he is going to massage it inside me with his fingers he said it will make my botom numb inside and when he has anal sex i wont feel any pain at all. he said he can keep going for ages and i will be completely pain free. worth a try a suppose.
You need to stand up for yourself. Tell him no to the pain free gel. The reason I say that is the pain is there for a reason. To tell you to tell him to stop because he is doing it wrong. To not have the pain as a stopping point means he could hurt you even worse than the first time and you wont know it til the gel's effects wear off.
There are a lot of good books and sites that can help you learn the proper way to have anal sex. The main keys are YOU set the pace and to use LOTS of lube. A good rule of thumb to remember is if you think you have enough lube,add more. You can never have too much lube when it comes to anal sex.
Tell your husband that it is fine and dandy what the other wives like to do with their husbands but you arent them. Also remind him that his friends might easily be lying to make themselves look good. I would bet good odds the wives wont like knowing that others know what is supposedly going on in their sex lives.
Please dont let your husband bully you into this. Tell him no til he understands how it feels. Like it has been suggested.
Another thing is tell him you want to personally talk to these other wives. You want to ask them how it felt when they first started having anal sex with their husbands. And how they feel that other people know their sex lives. That might put a stop to him comparing you to them. Because like I said I get good odds they wont be happy to know that others know what is going on in their bedrooms.
__________________
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
Anal sex won't affect your bowels while you are young however it might have lasting effects as you age your sphincter muscle tends to relax so I have no idea of long term affects. It will also depend on how big he is... It shouldn't hurt and if you want to do this to please him you are going to have to learn to do some breathing exercises while you are relaxing your sphincter muscle as he enters you and resist the urge to push..you will have to learn some total concentration. This is not going to be fun for you unless you really want to do this and it is perfectly fine to say NO!....The one thing that you will have to absolutely insist on is to be sure his penis doesn't touch you anywhere else around the vaginal area so as not to give you an infection and if he isn't wearing a condom he can also cause himself to have some serious infections. The bowels are the dirtiest place on the body and getting any secretions into other areas can cause you some serious infections and don't do any of this if you get or think you are pregnant. Some women really enjoy this activity but most do not because it hurts and it is unsanitary. Females are taught from a young age to wipe properly after bowel movements...from front to back so anal sex goes against all that we are taught...be sure to keep yourself very clean before and after. Good luck.
Hi Ann,im only doing this to please him.I never thought about infection he often puts his fingers as well in my anus then straight into my vagina.I will have to try and get him to stop that.
Thanks for the really good advice Blastoff.I am going to follow some of it. My hubby did say i might hurt a bit afterwards but only a little.you made me think, im not letting him use that gel on me now, he says he is using it and its NOT open for discussion, but after reading your advice there is NO WAY.He only used a tiny bit of lubricant the first time and after i couldnt sit down.Im going to stand up for myslef more.I will have to make sure he uses plenty of lubricant the next time.its good to get other points of view and not just what my husband tells me.
My husband has told me about this jel he is going to try out that a mate gave him . he is going to massage it inside me with his fingers he said it will make my botom numb inside and when he has anal sex i wont feel any pain at all. he said he can keep going for ages and i will be completely pain free.
DO NOT USE THIS!!! Or at least not until you two have figured out how to have painless anal sex. It is essential that you feel pain or you won't know if you are causing any damage. And yes, it can definitely cause damage. (The fact that you were still in pain the next day is a bad sign.)
The tissue in there is very delicate and tears very easily - unlike a vagina. Would you really want to be so numb that you could tear and not even know it? Sorry, but that is a terrible suggestion. (It sounds like he really doesn't have a clue and is probably getting all his ideas from porn which is nothing like real life. C'mon, "he can keep going for ages and I will be completely pain free"? )
Oh, and what blastoff says about guys boasting about what their wives do in the bedroom has to be true. I would call him on that one for sure. And if he does go for you talking to one of the other wives, at least you can get a real opinion and maybe some pointers.
im not letting him use that gel on me now, he says he is using it and its NOT open for discussion.
I cannot stress enough how important it is that you set the rules, that it goes at your pace and stops the moment you say so. I'm glad to read you are going to stand your ground on this.
No offense, I'm not trying to jump to conclusions, but this sounds like sexual abuse to me. Yes, it can happen in marriages, and yes, it is a serious problem. He sounds extremely controlling and the fact that he is telling you what to put inside of your body and that it's not "open for discussion" (when it's your body!!) is a huge red flag. You need to seek some insight from a professional because that just does not sound healthy. He should not feel like he has the power to control such private aspects of your body without even considering your feelings and your health. (Pain=problem. Never forget that.)
If you feel comfortable then by all means discuss this with your social worker. And actually it can be termed abuse with what he is saying to you.
It is your body and what you want to do sexually is ALWAYS open for discussion. He has no right to tell you that it isnt open for discussion.
I really do hope you stand up for yourself.
__________________
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
I have told him i dont want him to put the gel inside me.He said he just wanted to make my bottom numb so i wouldnt feel any pain. he understands now he could really hurt me by doing that.I told him im going to discuss it with my social worker,but he dosent think i should, as its private. He has agreed not to do anal sex on me again or put his fingers in my anus as that hurts me as well. I told him we both make decisions regarding sex from now on and he is ok with that
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