Hey everyone...I am a 38-year-old woman who has been in a monogamous (at least on my side and I'm fairly sure his too) relationship for the last 9 1/2 months. Before that I was alone for approximately 5-6 months. I had my last check-up at our county health dept. last May which was about 2 months before I got into my current relationship. Since it was done at a county facility they not only check for abnormal pap smear but also they check you for like, 4-5 STD's. Mine came back clean, like I knew it would, as I have never had any STD but have had a couple of bacterial infections in the last 16 years. The first one being in 1994 and the 2nd one in 2006. In July of last year I started dating a guy I've known pretty much all my life. Although we haven't really had face-to-face contact until May of last year for almost 20 years except through his parents...his dad has been my dentist since I was 9. So anyway we start seeing each other and of course, we start sleeping together. And I know this was stupid, but I knew I hadn't engaged in high-risk behavior and through talking with him, I believed that although he may have engaged in some high-risk behavior(a one-night stand about a year before we started dating)I also know him to be the type of person who if he believed he was showing signs of an STD would've gotten himself checked and fixed. So we didn't use protection of any kind. Then in November I got a bacterial infection. I got on Flagyl and it went away with no problems. Then a couple of months ago I got another one and got on flagyl again but this time got enough pills so that my bf would have a weeks worth also and we could take them together in case this is something we have started passing back and forth. Well he didn't take his of course and I ended up with another one a week or so ago. So now I'm on Flagyl again. I guess my question is this....is this really what this is?? And if so, are we just passing it back and forth?? OR, could this be something else, like an STD and he has cheated on me?? I need to know this for obvious reasons...1) I need to get treated correctly and 2) I don't want to be with someone who not only cheated on me, but cheated on me AND gave me some disgusting STD that I"M carrying around and thinking all I have is an innocent bacterial infection(well, not really innocent, but...). I asked my bf if he has cheated and told him about my concerns, but he swears to me he hasn't been with anyone else. I also saw on his computer history one day (and he just denied this also and I saw it with my own 2 eyes!) where he had been looking at "symptoms of STD's" and other associated links. This was sometime between October and the beginning of March because I got nosey (curious) and looked at his history at the beginning of march and that 's when I saw the stuff about the Std's on his history. Like i said, he just denied ever looking at anything of the sort, but if he didn't look at it then who did? Because if he didn't and someone else didn't, doesn't thatmake me crazy?? Which he does seem to want to make me believe at times....that I'm crazy I mean. I know what I saw in front of me and I know how to read so I'm not sure what's going on, but something is definitely off here. Now the things is....does anyone here agree with me? Or am I just grasping at straws and looking to borrow trouble where there otherwise isn't any? All I know is I have pain during sex, a whitish kind of discharge with some really funky odor that isn't me. I'm not a woman who has any kind of odor down there and this is definitely unpleasant although incredibly he tells me he doesn't smell anything. I do NOT however, have any itching, minimal burning...mainly after intercourse. Sooooo someone talk to me....am I just being ridiculous for even wanting to believe my bf and he's obviously a lying cheating jerk?? Or am i over-reacting the way I do with so many other things???
You didn't type anything to make me think he is cheating.
Some important facts: Many people have STDs and have no symptoms, so they don't know they have one (or more.) People can carry STDs for years, with no symptoms, and pass them on without a clue. Men especially often have no symptoms. This is true about all STDs, including HIV. A person can even have genital herpes and not realize it, because their outbreaks are "mild." Condoms don't protect against herpes and HPV.
So therefore, he potentially could have had an STD and not known it. You potentially could have, as well. (What did the health department check for?) He could have one from before you guys got together and not know it, have no symptoms, and give it to you. That doesn't mean he cheated. Do you have some other reason to think he might have cheated?
*HOWEVER, nothing you've typed sounds like an STD (necessarily.) Were you being treated for bacterial vaginosis when you took the Flagyl? (Which is not an STD.) Maybe the discharge is due to a reoccurence of that or a yeast infection? But since you're having an unusual discharge and are concerned it could be an STD, why not go back to the health department and get tested again? Ask the doctor if there are any tests they can run that they didn't run last time and to test you for everything possible. That way you can have peace of mind.
I also strongly suggest you ask him to get tested for all STDs, including HIV. I am not really understanding why you are not using condoms, since it sounds like he has not been tested for STDs. The fact that he had a one-night-stand before you started dating means he needs to be tested.
Everything will probably turn out fine, but you might as well be safe!
Last edited by DesertMeow; 05-05-2010 at 08:36 AM.
I thought a bacterial infection COULD be transmitted sexually but not necessarily?? But I have read so many different opinions on the message boards that I'm not sure about anything that I was sure of before. Like I didn't think Trichomonas could be transmitted from toilet seats, or wearing other people's swim suits or using someone's towel who has that STD, but according to a lot of threads I have read on here, it can be.
I was tested for everything at my request because the guy I had been with for a couple of years had cheated on me and when I left him I went to the doc about 2 months later and asked them to test for everything. It all came back negative and I haven't been with anyone except my current bf since that time. Now, you say that a bacterial infection isn't an STD. What is it then and how would i have gotten it?? We don't mess around with the anal stuff at all so it couldn't be that and I know how to clean myself (if you know what I mean) so if it is just a bacterial infection, where did it come from? And can he and I be passing it back and forth?? My doc prescribed enough Flagyl for both of us last time and that cleared my problems right up but my bf didn't take his. And sure enough, about 7-8 weeks later, I was showing symptoms again i.e...discharge, pain with intercourse, and an odor that I've only had one other time like 16 years ago that was diagnosed as bacterial infection and treated with Flagyl.
I do understand that he could've had something before and not shown any symptoms so I'm not saying that just because this has happened that he's cheating. it just made me wonder a bit because we first started having sex in July of last year and I didn't become symptomatic until November. that was the only thing that led me to think he may have cheated. Also in October we went through a really rough spot in the relationship and i found out a while back that he was looking at his ex-fiance's page (rhymes with race and took)at that time. Now obviously I'm smart enough to know that that doesn't really mean anything at all but it is bothersome and irritating to me. And she cheated on him with her ex numerous times when she and my bf were still together. And who knows who her ex was sleeping with also. So that was my thought process on that. But he very vehemently denies talking to or seeing this girl, so I don't think even if he did cheat back then it was with her.
I'm to the point that I really don't even care about the who's and why's of the whole thing...I just want to know what is wrong with me and get it fixed and have it stay fixed. I'm not used to worrying about these things and now I'm very self-conscious about my "goodies" when he and I have sex. Constantly worrying about an odor and then having the pain during sex is a distraction that he and I don't need in that area of our relationship.
As far as he and I not using condoms...I don't really have a good answer for that. Other than we have known each other our whole lives and just trusted each other I guess. I knew i was clean because I had just gotten tested a couple of months before the first time we were together and wasn't with anyone else. and I knew that he had been in 2 very long-term relationships before where monogamy should've been in place and it seems like he told me he used condoms with the girls he dated short-term. Idk if I just didn't know about his one-night-stand or if I just assumed he'd used protection (stupid, I know). Question now is...do you think we should start using condoms this far into the relationship? On May 24th we will be together 10 months and I doubt if he's going to be real open to the condom idea. So....
Trystme- I'm not sure if the doc did a check or not to see what specific bacteria it was or not with the bacterial infections I had before. Why do you ask? Is there another medication better than Flagyl with which to treat bacterial infections?
I thought a bacterial infection COULD be transmitted sexually but not necessarily??
Now, you say that a bacterial infection isn't an STD. What is it then and how would i have gotten it?? so if it is just a bacterial infection, where did it come from? And can he and I be passing it back and forth??Question now is...do you think we should start using condoms this far into the relationship?
If it was a bacterial infection like chlamydia or gonorrhea, those are sexually transmitted bacterial infections (STI's.) If it was bacterial vaginosis that you had (try to find out your diagnosis next time you go back to the doctor. Sorry, I don't know which antibiotics are used to treat which,) BV can be caused by a pH imbalance in the vagina that can occur due to contact with semen. The semen itself can alter your vaginal pH, allowing normal bacteria (normally present in balanced and harmless amounts) such as Gardnerella vaginalis, Gardneralla mobiluncus, and Mycoplasma hominis to overgrow.
If this is the case, it's not really an infection spread from your boyfriend to you (like an STI would be) but is caused by the changes the semen makes inside the vagina, so it's indirectly caused by unprotected sex.
(This is just my opinion; I'm not a medical professional.)
So using condoms for awhile might be a good idea, so that you can see if the infection goes away when you're not exposed to semen. (Use the kind without spermicide, as spermicide can make things worse.) Honestly, if you explain all of this to your boyfriend, he should be willing to use condoms for awhile to see if it gives you some relief. Unfortunately, some women have a reoccuring issue with this, unless they use condoms. They just can't be exposed to semen without the BV reoccurring. Hopefully that won't be the case for you in the long term.
To me, it sounds like the doctor wanted your boyfriend to take the Flagyl in case you guys were passing the bacteria back and forth. Maybe some cases of BV reoccur that way. I know yeast infections can. So you really need to find out your diagnosis.
I'm curious why your boyfriend didn't take his medication. It sounds self-centered and not very thoughtful to me. Maybe he really didn't think he needed to, but if you have to keep going back to the doctor, I hope he will change his ways!
Last edited by DesertMeow; 05-12-2010 at 04:07 AM.
Reason: Added something
thanks a lot. that was some really good info you gave. I feel much much better now that I understand that it could just be a reaction between his semen and my vaginal pH. That makes perfect sense to me. the diagnosis wasn't chlamydia or gohorrhea, just the bv, thank goodness. and they said that the flagyl was best for that.
yes, i was quite put out by his refusal to take the med. Well, he never said he wouldn't take it, he just never took it. which seemed a bit insensitive, but has said since then that he will do whatever to insure that this stops for both of us and has agreed to take a round of antibiotics and go with me to the doctor so he can be informed about what's going on with me. he's concerned because of the painful intercourse...feels bad about it I guess i should say. Doesn't like the idea of me hurting during something that's supposed to be mutually satisfying. As far as the condoms go, he wouldn't like it, but I think he would agree to wear them until this gets resolved if I stress how important this is. Because like I reiterated in previous posts, I had this only 2 other times in my life and the flagyl cleared it up instantly with no reoccurrences or passing back n forth with my husband (ex now). so this is becoming a rather big irritation for me, just dealing with it and worrying about it. again, thanks for the info...very helpful.