It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Sexual Health - Women Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-25-2010, 08:06 AM   #1
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1
jacobscreek HB User
Advice on were i go from here - Girlfriend has lost her sex drive

Hi
I dont know if this is the right place to post this message but hoping for some advice.
I am a 42 year old man who is in good health and i am in a relationship with a women of 29.
I will explain some history first. I was diagnosed with prostrate cancer at 32 and underwent surgery and chemo etc which was successful, i was told however that my chances of having children would be virtually zero. I had been single for the last 3 years with the occasional date here and there and was pretty much happy and settled with the way my life was.
I was contacted on a dating site by a woman of 29 who if im honest took my breath away how beautiful she was and so we started dating.
That was 9 months ago and i have fallen in love with this woman and was so happy that she fancied me and wanted to be with me.She told me from the start that she had endometriosis and had a laparoscopy 2 years ago which was successful but was told that she could not have children.
We have both talked about this and the future and the fact that we both cannot have children and have been very happy just being with each other.

We started making love after about the 8th date and everything was fantastic, we couldnt keep our hands off each other and would giggle and play around and make love anywhere and at anytime we fancied it. She asked me to move in with her on my birthday which i was over the moo with and so was she.

4 months ago she started feeling ill an after 3 weeks of feeling like this she went to see her doctor who told her she was preganant, this came as a total shock to both of us after what we had both been through.
Her family told her to have a termination and although i was not happy with this situation i told her i wanted to be with her more than anything else and would be there and support her all the way.

She went through with the termination and we sat and talked at length over this. We have had some arguements regarding this as the doctors advised that this could be the one and only chance of her having a child but i agreed to be there and support her.

I booked a holiday for us to Egypt so that we coud go away together and spend some quality time with each other.

We had an amazing time and had fun togetehr giggling and laughing and i believe we grew really close.

The problem that has now arisen is that we have not had sex since the termination 3 months ago, we cuddle alot and and i show her how much i love her by telling her and also by doing things that make her happy but she seems as though she has gone off sex completely.

She has never told me she loves me and even after conversations she has told me that she cannot just say that she loves me as it takes time to fall in love with someone. She tells me that i should know how much she thinks of me and that the words are only words.

This is breaking my heart as i do love this woman and she rocks my world but feel as the she has either gone off me or doesnt love me at all.
What i cant understand is that she contacted me and approached me and is always telling me how sexy i am but this is never followed up by any physical emotions or actions.

She goes out with the girls sometimes and is always dressed and looks amazing and she spends hours on how she looks but when it is us going out she puts a pair of jeans on and is ready in 30 mins. This might sound childish and jelousy but with whats happening im starting to doubt her.

She still cuddles into me at night in bed and falls asleep with me holding her and she is always doing sexy things like wiggling her bum in front of me because she knows i find it funny and always comment on how gorgeous she is but im wondering if im being taken for a fool.

I just want the woman i met back in my life who was fun and sexy and who fancied me. The woman that i shared so many intimate times with and the woman that i love to bits but feel as though there is something compltely broken.
I am not a person to walk away and i believe that relationships take effort from both sides but i am wondering if i am wasting my time or weather there could be some medical reason for why she does not want sex anymore. She keeps saying she know it is her fault and she needs to give herself a shake but it never happends.

Please advise and thanks for reading this message even though its long winded

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 05-31-2010, 02:58 AM   #2
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 5
malka18 HB User
Re: Advice on were i go from here - Girlfriend has lost her sex drive

Your post was quite heartbreaking. Sad to say, but I think you answered your own question in your post.

This lady seems to be taking you for granted a bit. She sounds very "comfortable." Almost too comfortable.

She enjoys your compliments and attention, it seems. But does she return it to you? Does she give you equal compliments and/or affection?

If she is going out with her friends and spending time to look great . . . . who is she dressing up for? Is she trying to attract another man?

If you are serious about this lady, perhaps you and this lady should try a few sessions of couples counseling before a therapist, if you can afford it. During these therapy sessions, perhaps you can discuss your sex life and her apparently lack of interest. Perhaps the unwanted pregnancy turned her off to sex in general . . . . or perhaps there are other reasons why she is no longer interested.

 
Old 07-08-2010, 06:01 AM   #3
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2
dewandh HB User
Re: Advice on were i go from here - Girlfriend has lost her sex drive

That’s a difficult spot...from my experience loosing a child has a very big impact on a woman. We (my wife & I) have had 4 miscarriages. It still has a very big psychological impact on us. For a woman it has a much worse or intense impact. A baby is part of a woman seemingly that the baby is inside of her. I think that is a major cause of her less interest. No matter what she says, she still has thoughts of the pregnancy and thinks about "what IF"......I would suggest seeking help which both of you would be comfortable with. You might be able to save it and it might be over already...BUT DIE TRYING they say...give it a last swing and then sit her down, and finally...both of you need to decide if it’s over or if you want to be together....I'm still "wet" behind the ears and still need to learn things you've already forgotten. If you could get her to bed...do some reading about the g-spot.....that might give you an upper hand. Hope I helped a bit.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
New & seeking advice gogo548 Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 21 01-13-2010 09:57 AM
Advice on boyfriend please shoegirl18 Relationship Health 11 10-02-2009 01:51 PM
Help/Advice neededASAP -Fentanyl detox, pain pat. abused meds will need meds in futre Confused089 Abuse Support 34 07-06-2008 06:33 PM
Ex girlfriend problems!!! NEED ADVICE!!!! mxfreekstyle Relationship Health 13 05-02-2007 10:17 AM
A guy who needs some advice.. 4321 Eating Disorder Recovery 10 08-08-2005 10:23 PM

Tags
no sex drive



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:37 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!