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Old 03-01-2011, 01:03 AM   #1
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Unhappy Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

Hi, I'm a 26 year old virgin female. Today I was railroaded into getting my first PAP Smear by my Mom and my Doctor. Despite being absolutely untouched by the opposite sex and much to my dismay, my Mother insisted I be checked. I begged and pleaded not to, because as a virgin my chances of having cervical cancer are slim to nil, and I've already had the full series on Guardisil injections as a precaution. But my Mom has Endometriosis in the family and in all my 26 years I have never had any gynecological exams. I was nervous as hell already and I was told to get naked and put on a paper gown and sit in the freezing cold exam room for over 45 minutes and the Doctor still had not shown up. I got all worked up and decided to put my clothes back on until she did come in because sitting there naked was not doing anything for my nerves. She finally comes in, sees me fully clothed, tells me to get undressed again and then leaves the room for another 20 minutes to see another patient, I assume as punishment to me for not listening to her orders...it would have taken me all of less than a minute to remove my clothes when she finally did arrive. But now I was even more worked up. Finally she came back in and this time I met her expectations.

I wanted my Mom with me in the room because this was my first time and I was really nervous. She asked my Mom to leave. I said I wanted her there and she said it was necessary to have my Mom leave so she could ask me about my sexual history. I told the Doctor I had no sexual history and didn't understand why I was being tested for something when I had no gynecological problems or sexual history. Again she asked me if I wanted my Mom to leave the room, I said no and once again stated that I was an intact virgin and hadn't even used tampons once in my life because I didn't like violating myself and the idea of it made me uncomfortable. Now I was getting very agitated with the Doctor. I said "Do you think I would lie about something like that? Why are all virgins over 20 seen as some kind of freaks?" She went into some spcheal about how some people are just so in denial about things that they've convinced themselves otherwise. I started crying "Why won't you believe me? I'm not some **** giving it away on the streets! There are still some virgins left in the world!"

Then she saw my MP3 player and said "I suppose you want to just put your headphones on and completely check out of all this?" I said yes, because my technique was to use music to relax my mind and body during the procedure. She said "Well that's not happening, I'm going to explain everything I'm doing to you in detail, so put that away and pay attention." I didn't want it this way but my Mom said "Just suck it up and get it over with!" Having her show me everything and explain it just made me more uncomfortable and made the process longer. I kind of just wanted to put my music on, tune out, go to my happy place, and distract myself. Instead I was staring up at the ceiling while she schooled me, even saying "Are you paying attention?"

She shoved the speculum inside me and even using the smallest one was a tight fit. I felt a sharp pain shoot through me and I cried out "It hurts! It hurts so much!" and she said "It's just pressure." I replied "No, it's pain, it hurts a lot! It feels like it's tearing me!" She told me to just "deal with it" and she scraped around inside me, which I could feel with great painful sensations. I started crying. She said that "all women have to go through this so I just need to buck up and accept that this is going to be part of my life many many times." Then she asked me if I was ready for the second part of the exam and I said "No!" She said "It's just two gloved fingers inside your vagina, I'm going to feel around inside you and press on your abdomen to check for abnormalities." I already felt like I had been raped, I was crying hysterically. I said "I feel violated! Just do it and get it over with!" Then she got all defensive and said "This is a natural part of a woman's health screening." I said I didn't want it. Then she said "Well will you let me do the Chlamydia and Gonorrhea test?" I said no again and reminded her once again that I was not sexually active. The PAP smear was bad enough, I couldn't take any more. Then she kind of shrugged me off like "Well okay, if that's the way you want it."

I got dressed and just ran out to the car and sobbed all the way home. My vagina was really sore and I was getting these painful spasms inside my vaginal walls, like the speculum had hit a nerve or something, also it feels like it's burning. The scraping didn't feel too good and I'm still just really sore. I came home and ran a hot bath and just soaked in it, trying to relieve the pain. I've been crying almost non-stop since it happened. Not just the pain but the overall experience and humiliation, and degradation from the Doctor basically inferring that I was a lying *****. I still feel like I was raped and in a way I was, I was forcefully penetrated against my will and I feel so ashamed and violated now. I don't ever want to do that again! Now I'm afraid of sex and going to the gynecologist again.

I thing I have some kind of post-traumatic stress disorder. Instead of my first sexual experience being with someone I love and trust, I got ram-rodded by a piece of lubricated plastic from some lady I barely know who was completely unsympathetic to my feelings...but thought she was being all helpful and supportive. I feel dirty and disgusting now. The cramps have been so bad I had to sleep with a heating pad over my abdomen, I was only asleep for a few hours when I woke up and realized I had wet the bed out of some psychosomatic trauma reaction to my horrible PAP smear. I hate myself now. I feel like my dignity has been stripped from me.

 
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Old 03-01-2011, 04:52 AM   #2
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

Sweetheart, I'm sorry what you had to go through when you had the PAP smear test. The doctor should have been more nurturing and professional, and your mother should have been more supportive. Though you have to see it from their point of view, younger women now are being diagnosed with various cancers concerning the breasts, ovaries etc, diseases that were usually found in older women. Even though you're a virgin, having had a sexual experience is only one factor that can cause a disease like cervical cancer, and it's better to be safe then sorry. Next time you go for a PAP smear (and it's important that you do, virgin or not) tell your doctor about the previous experience you had and your concerns about the test. If you feel they're judgemental or condescending in any way, find another doctor. It is scary first time you have it done, but it's an extremely important test and women have it done every day! It's not pleasant for any woman (and we all get naked for it!) but please don't put your health at stake because of what happened.
Take care x

 
Old 03-01-2011, 05:21 AM   #3
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

To be honest, I haven't been a virgin for almost 20 years and it still hurts when they put in the speculum. I haven't had any kids, maybe that's why? I'm not sure. But I still hate going. The exam feels pretty much like you described, regardless of whether you're a virgin or not. It's an uncomfortable thing to go through, that much is true. But what they said about every woman going through it is true. If you could find me one woman who actually enjoyed and looked forward to her yearly gyne appointments, I'd be shocked! I don't know any woman that I've ever known, including myself, who ever enjoyed going. We do just suck it up and do it, knowing that it's going to be a miserable experience, but also knowing that it will help us stay healthy.

I'm sorry you had such a lousy experience. I think the gyne you saw sounds totally unprofessional and your mom sounds like an idiot. But not all gynes are like that!! I have an awesome female gyne that I really trust a lot and although I hate the exam, she is really awesome and she knows what she is doing, so I feel comfortable going to her. I think at your age you should find your own doctor that you feel comfortable seeing. Your mom can go to her own and you find a different one.

 
Old 03-01-2011, 05:46 PM   #4
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

I don't think you'll develop PTSD because of getting a pap smear. You weren't raped and it wasn't a "sexual experience." I honestly think you're overreacting. No, it's not pleasant, and the speculum hurts me too and causes cramps for a couple days, and I'm not a virgin. She didn't want you to listen to music because they have to let you know what's going on, probably even for legal reasons. Not all gynecological problems are due to sex, and you can still have problems without being a virgin. You're at the age now where you do need to have regular pap smears, regardless of how much it sucks. It's just a part of life we all have to go through and it's not pleasant but it's more pleasant than having a cancer or some other problem and not knowing about it. Have you ever been to counseling or something for your feelings on sex? I'm not saying you have a problem because you are a virgin at all, but it does strike me as odd that you think that inserting a tampon would be "violating" yourself. You seem to have very strong reactions to anything sexually-related.

 
Old 03-02-2011, 06:40 AM   #5
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

I agree 100 percent with Digmusic. What happened was a medical thing, not a sexual experience. Same with tampons -- violating yourself by using a tampon???

Annual exams aren't fun, but they aren't sexual by any means. If you really think that, maybe some therapy would be good for you.

 
Old 03-02-2011, 06:31 PM   #6
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

I totally understand how you feel like your dignity has been stripped from you. Especially being a virgin and all.
Sorry you went through this! I feel that the whole thing is unnecessary!
I haven't had a man in a very very long time. And I know that these days, that is very rare and may be a little odd.
If I were to go somewhere and get my legs all up in stirrups and have someone shove something up there I would definitely feel violated. Especially when I'm perfectly healthy. I think people may be used to having themselves exposed maybe? That it's like nothing to them? I don't know.
That's just something I can't understand.
I do hope you are starting to feel better and sorry you went through that.
I do NOT think at all that you have something wrong with you because you feel the way you are feeling. There is nothing wrong with you.
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Old 03-03-2011, 01:31 PM   #7
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

Quote:
Originally Posted by chocolate29 View Post
I think people may be used to having themselves exposed maybe? That it's like nothing to them? I don't know.
That's just something I can't understand.
What exactly are you implying?

None of the women who have posted have said they enjoyed the experience at all. The point is that we ALL hate it and we ALL find it uncomfortable! But there comes a time where every person has to take control of their health, whether male or female. That includes going for regular check ups to make sure nothing has changed or showed up since the last exam was done.

People who equate a gynecological exam to anything remotely sexual really seriously don't get it. It has absolutely zero to do with sex, it is a medical procedure, end of story. No one likes going, NO ONE. But they do because they would rather put up with 5 minutes of being uncomfortable over a lifetime of problems that go along with an undiagnosed cancer that could have been treated if it was caught early enough!

 
Old 03-03-2011, 04:22 PM   #8
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

I'm not implying anything. I just feel for the original poster because of the trauma she feels.
I thought someone would take what I said the wrong way.
But I'm not implying what it may sound like to some people.
I say that some people are just very private and have never exposed them self to anyone before and to suddenly do that would be traumatic for some people.
Not everyone is the same. And I think that because someone feels violated terribly from something like that doesn't mean that there is something not right with them.

Note:
I'm not implying anything negative to anyone.
I'm not bashing anyone.
I just know that everyone is very different and has different feelings.
I feel for the original poster and am trying to help her feel better.
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Last edited by chocolate29; 03-04-2011 at 03:49 AM. Reason: fixed word

 
Old 03-03-2011, 04:32 PM   #9
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

Paps are not meant to be fun. Men get prostate exams and they are no fun either. However, neither one of these exams are sexual.
I think it is a bit odd that you refer to this exam as a sexual experience and that tampons are a violation of your body. Honestly, I think you need to own yourself as a woman. You have a vagina and it requires care. Pap and breast exams are important to your health and well being as a woman. They are not dirty or sexual in nature. Speaking of which, you should have gotten a breast exam during your pap as well, since that is what doc's normally do during the pap. Did you? You didnt mention any of this and I found that odd.
I have a child and I still loathe my yearly pap. I hate when they scrape my cervix. I also had some cramping and a bit of blood after my last pap, but it didnt last more than a day.

You are a beautiful and healthy woman. Love your body and be proud of what you have. Better yet, take care of your body! Your mother was right that it was time for an exam. Oh, and your vagina is probably the 10th one your doc had seen that day alone! It might feel strange for someone to see your vagina, but your doc has seen many people before you!

But again, I think it is unhealthy that you viewed this exam as traumatic and sexual in nature. Where do these thoughts come from?
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Last edited by Belly Kelly; 03-03-2011 at 04:36 PM.

 
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Old 03-03-2011, 06:28 PM   #10
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

I feel for you too but your lack of knowledge has added to your angst. And you can lessen that by learning about your body, why you need the exams, what needs to be checked, etc. Education and knowledge are power. There obviously is some dynamic going on here that we don't know all the details of - your mother demanding that you do this is just one.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 03-03-2011 at 07:40 PM. Reason: Please reply to the original poster.

 
Old 03-06-2011, 07:26 PM   #11
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

Wow, Tinker, I can't believe the way that doctor treated and talked to you. There is no excuse for that. I can understand how difficult it was for you to expose yourself naked for the first time, by far not in the gentle, loving arms of a man as you may have dreamed of some day. Do try to remember this was just a doctor doing a medical exam and that we all have to go through this embarrassing ordeal periodically. Having people do those types of procedures to you is absolutely no fun. It's an extremely personal thing! Not all doctors act like that, although you will find some are nicer than others.

Hope you feel better soon. I think you'll forget the shock and trauma of it all once the physical discomfort has passed.

 
Old 03-06-2011, 07:33 PM   #12
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

Quote:
Originally Posted by Belly Kelly View Post
Paps are not meant to be fun. Men get prostate exams and they are no fun either. However, neither one of these exams are sexual.
I think it is a bit odd that you refer to this exam as a sexual experience and that tampons are a violation of your body. Honestly, I think you need to own yourself as a woman. You have a vagina and it requires care. Pap and breast exams are important to your health and well being as a woman. They are not dirty or sexual in nature. Speaking of which, you should have gotten a breast exam during your pap as well, since that is what doc's normally do during the pap. Did you? You didnt mention any of this and I found that odd.
I have a child and I still loathe my yearly pap. I hate when they scrape my cervix. I also had some cramping and a bit of blood after my last pap, but it didnt last more than a day.

You are a beautiful and healthy woman. Love your body and be proud of what you have. Better yet, take care of your body! Your mother was right that it was time for an exam. Oh, and your vagina is probably the 10th one your doc had seen that day alone! It might feel strange for someone to see your vagina, but your doc has seen many people before you!

But again, I think it is unhealthy that you viewed this exam as traumatic and sexual in nature. Where do these thoughts come from?
My very thoughts.
I have nothing to add to this, but agree with it entirely.

When routine medical care (or even tampons!) feels like a sexual violation, there's a problem, and it's probably best sorted out in counseling.

Best of luck to all.

 
Old 03-14-2011, 10:35 PM   #13
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

It's possible that your reaction isn't just from the smear itself. You may have some trauma that you aren't acknowledging to yourself as trauma. One of my friends had a similar experience her first time at the gynecologist. It may be a good idea to find a therapist, as well as a new gynecologist. Like everyone said, it sucks but we have to do it for our health. But just because it has to be done doesn't mean you have to let someone you don't trust or feel respects your choices to be the one to do it.

 
Old 03-15-2011, 12:46 PM   #14
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

It still hurt me a little bit when the doctor took off some little piece for Pap Smear but that is it. I am used to the examination now but I still don't like it. I would not go there for pleasure, that is for sure.

It seems you should educate yourself first about your feminine organs down there. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I tell you one thing that is necessary for this exam is about cancer in women's organs. It has nothing to do with sex. One can still have uterus or ovarian cancer by being a virgin. A woman can still get sick with the organs even if she is a virgin. As long as we live, we are using the organs for periods and etc., and the organs will get old and sick... That is why we need annual exam for that for all women.
It has nothing to do with sex. Sure there are sexual diseases and so on, but there are also diseases that have nothing to do with sex.

I am very sorry that this doctor seems to be unsympathetic and I am sure you need to find a better ob/gyn next time.

Please note that this has nothing to do with sex. If you felt violated and don't want sex at all because of this, please get a therapist to talk about it. Also try to learn about women's organs to understand the whole thing.

Again, I am very sorry that you were violated so much.

Good luck,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 03-15-2011 at 01:10 PM.

 
Old 03-15-2011, 01:41 PM   #15
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Re: Traumatic Virgin PAP Smear

Quote:
It still hurt me a little bit when the doctor took off some little piece for Pap Smear but that is it.
I'm pretty sure that all they do is swab your cervix with a q-tip type gizmo.
Or am I off base?
I never really noticed what they were doing, but whatever it is, it never hurt.

"Taking off a piece" would be more like a cervical biopsy.
I think a PAP is more like having the inside of your cheek swabbed to obtain some surface cells, except they do it to your cervix.

Last edited by Kali333; 03-15-2011 at 01:42 PM.

 
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